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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

487 replies

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:42

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

OP posts:
SilenceInside · 21/06/2026 13:18

I would change everything by divorcing this charming man. Your life partner is supposed to like you, love you, support you, work as a team. This man doesn’t like you, doesn’t love you, doesn’t support you or work as a team. He is not being a partner. Why waste your life subjecting yourself to this constant criticism and dislike??

Preditorysounds · 21/06/2026 13:17

Sounds like your marriage is over.

he has no respect for you.

get your ducks in a row - get a solicitor and get away from him.

really hope you’re ok and can have a new and better life

ForFairOchreOtter · 21/06/2026 13:15

gosh. And why does this man child need an afternoon nap?

amber763 · 21/06/2026 13:15

Honestly he sounds like a massive dick. He wants you to put him before your kids? Nah. Write a list back to him of all the reasons you're divorcing him.

MrsSlocombesCat · 21/06/2026 13:14

This isn't going to change OP, he doesn't like you let alone love you. Show him the door.

Minilover79 · 21/06/2026 13:14

Well I think you know the answer here. What went through my head was what the actual f...
The fact you have energy to run in the morning is a massive achievement. You need to hail his ass out of the house. Your poor kids as well seeing him treat you this way!!

smallglassbottle · 21/06/2026 13:14

SunnyRedSnail · 21/06/2026 13:12

And you choose to have children with this prick because...?

They can usually manage to behave themselves for a couple of years until they realise having a family involves having a grown up attitude and they're still silly adolescents who only care about themselves.

Paramaribo2025 · 21/06/2026 13:14

I would divorce him.

Crinkle77 · 21/06/2026 13:13

What does he do to make you feel special?

Throw that one back in his face.

McBuckers · 21/06/2026 13:13

What a selfish, self centred, man-child. I'd make a list of his faults and ask him to make a list of what he's bringing to the relationship.

Actually, no, I'd tell him to get his bags packed. You deserve better.

No wonder I keep hearing about a 'male loneliness epidemic', They really do need to understand cause and effect.

Reggiebo · 21/06/2026 13:13

Mmmmm...could there be someone else.

SunnyRedSnail · 21/06/2026 13:12

And you choose to have children with this prick because...?

BeardySchnauzer · 21/06/2026 13:12

What are his good points?

OriginalUsername2 · 21/06/2026 13:12

Why would anyone want to spend time with that.

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 13:09

He says I need to change that everything i do is wrong. Even down to how I drive and park (our drive awkward and i can reverse on it but may take me 2 attempts to straighten up etc...thats wrong apparently and i'm thick because I can't do it in one go)

The fact i am up with him at 6am, do the lunches (including him and the children) have to fit my run in between 630 and 730 qhen the kida are up, do the school run, work 9-5, including using my lunch as pick up as he normally had a nap from 230 - 330 so sometimes misses it, then do the washing throughout the day and sort it out in the evening, he can't understand why I am exhausted by 9pm and not wanting to 'spend time' with him every night

OP posts:
BleedinglyObvious · 21/06/2026 13:09

I'd be seeing a divorce lawyer.

saveforthat · 21/06/2026 13:08

Another day, another thread on mumsnet where I can't believe so many women put up with this type of shit. Yes YABU to be hurt. Start getting fucking angry.

outerspacepotato · 21/06/2026 13:07

He sounds like he thinks your marriage should revolve around him with anything else put aside. He wants a mom, not a wife and children.

Put the kids before him

Most people do. They're vulnerable children who need lots of care and attention where your husband is supposedly an adult who can do things for himself when the kids need attention.

He resents anything that takes your attention from him and he resents you for not making his wishes your purpose for being.

He's contemptuous of the way you do things and your basic self. He'd rather criticize you than connect with you.

He's profoundly selfish. There's resentment and contempt and criticism in your marriage and I don't see how you can come back from that.

I would be filing for divorce.

smallglassbottle · 21/06/2026 13:06

My vag would seal up faster than a rat up a drainpipe.

It amazes me how these men are happy to benefit from our income yet expect us to run the house as well.

Sassylovesbooks · 21/06/2026 13:05

The day a man calls me thick and stupid, is the day I'd be walking out the door. It appears to me that you have learnt to modify your behaviour, to try and appease your husband so he doesn't criticise you. You don't talk to other people, because you worry he'd criticise you for having a conversation. You likely don't have much of a social life (aside the time factor) because if you did, he'd criticise the fact you're going out.

The reality is, it would make no difference what you did or said, your husband will always find fault with you. He's nasty, abusive, controlling bully, who has slowly eroded your self-esteem, and you haven't been aware.

Sadly, OP, this will be your life forever more, because he won't change. You can't change him, but you can get yourself and your children out of the relationship. Seek legal advice, without his knowledge and get your ducks in a row.

You deserve far better than your husband.

Goldengirl123 · 21/06/2026 13:04

I hope you gave him a list straight back with his faults!!

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 21/06/2026 13:03

The first few make it sound like hes following the script and these are what he will use when he starts shagging around.

amylou8 · 21/06/2026 13:02

Aww poor man not being given enough attention. I'd suggest he moves back in with his mother.

OriginalUsername2 · 21/06/2026 13:01

I had this sort of thing with my awful ex. I’d cry my eyes out and try to be “better”. These days if anyone said that to me I’d be like “Well, what are you still doing here? There’s the door, off you fuck.”

I bet he makes you feel real special 🙄

Summerhillsquare · 21/06/2026 13:00

He sounds selfish and unpleasant but you sound like a nice normal mum.

I think by the time contempt arrives the functional marriage is over anyway. All you need to consider is if you're staying in a disfunctional marriage.