AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

OP, I understand that par-boiled frogs are still able to jump out of the pan.
Good luck 🤗

Why are you even analysing it? This isn’t a list of truths about you. This is a list that demonstrates his utter disrespect and distain for you. I would proudly pin it to the fridge as a reminder of what an absolute cunt he is and I’d cut him out of my life for ever.

You need to find your anger. He is a repulsive specimen of a husband and father. You sound amazing and your children are lucky to have such a great mum.

You work full-time and do everything for your children while does nothing except criticise and nap.

Don't do anything for him. No lunches, no evening meal, no laundry, no sex. Start making plans to end your marriage. He's a toxic narcissist and you and your children will be better off without him.

Get a divorce.
He calls you thick and stupid and criticises everything you do.
There's no hope for the martiage but there is hope for a very happy life after you split.

I usually stay off these threads as people much more helpfu than me...BUT ' Thick and stupid' !! That is disgusting. I know I could not live with my partner after that. Appalling.

The things he said are not your ‘flaws’. they are almost all (defined or undefined) things he wants you to do (eg stop work before your contracted finish time) or things he doesn’t want to do (eg cook) and wants you to do instead of him. ‘eating the shit sandwich.’

Based on the information in your posts, all the things on his list are U.

He is the problem. Calling you thick etc is abusive.

Let him go. He's probably already found the "perfect" one at this stage anyway, and is acting according to the script, trying to put the blame on you.

Nothing you will ever do will be good enough, and it's too much hard work to even try.

How are you fixed financially yourself if (when) you separate?

He has a nap? FFS, how old is he?

Has he been swimming in the Manosphere swamp by any chance?

Quack quack. Get all the financial information together, pensions, savings, income. See a solicitor. Don't tell him until you are ready to file for divorce.

Yes - it does sound like the script.

This isn't constructive criticism though, is it? It's simply a list of insults to undermine the OP's self confidence. I guess to make her feel grateful that she is in a relationship with this man child.

I have a feeling he’d moan whatever you did. Honestly, I’d instigate a split. You won’t be able to please him (through no fault of your own).

Having had a similar thing said to me by ex DH I would say he’s on his way out the door and may have someone else lined up , sorry OP but when a man wants to leave he will firstly build a narrative to make you the problem so he can a) justify it in his head and b) tell everyone how he just couldn’t live with you and it’s all your fault. Don’t believe it. But regardless of whether there’s anyone else he’s a selfish man child. It’s all about him and what he needs with no consideration for you. He is abusive, calling you thick and stupid on top of the list of complaints. What’s the point in being married to someone like that. Life is too short for this shit. Stand up for yourself and tell him if he’s so unhappy he should move out, you refuse to put up with this and make plans to separate. With this level of contempt for you I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. He will destroy your self confidence. Yes of course you will feel hurt but your life will be better without him.

When they say ‘not enough attention’ they really mean they’re not getting as much sex as they’d like. I take it this hard working paragon looks like Brad Pitt, with the charm of George Clooney, the work ethic of Elon Musk (without being a dick), and the kindness of Keanu Reeves? If so, then I’d be inclined to make more effort, but if not then he can fuck off to fuck off land.

His list of grievances only serve to reveal that he is a narcissist.

I'm a marriage therapist and I really think you both need marriage counseling. He's telling you something is wrong.

I wish every man and woman knew that something like 60% of couples have a significant dip in marital satisfaction with small kids.

The biggest flag is he feels you put everything, even work, in front of him. He's saying he needs you. It's a shitty delivery, but that's the underlying message.

As parents, you two need to be Hella united. Get united. He's going to have to give as well because there's a near zero chance he doesn't have his own hand in things going sideways.

It was a power trip and a dig. Not for the first time either by the sounds of it.

There are ways to talk about being unhappy with someone. This wasn't it. I wouldn't be surprised that he's already looking elsewhere anyway.

He is eroding your confidence. Am sorry OP. He's a bully, me no like.

Time to list his faults and what he brings to the table.. I bet it's not all that much.

just explain it’s because he is so perfect that it’s hard to be good enough in the face of such awesomeness . you know you will never be good enough for him

pack your bag and book a hotel room for the week

Well, you haven't said what you think of him, but regardless, he hates you. What is the way forward? It can only be separation, after this, surely? What's to prolong?

I’m not sure it’s a very constructive list though?

Reading your post, it’s totally exhausting. You must be super fitting healthy to do all of that.

I think its time to make plans to separate

Nothing else to say. See a solicitor tomorrow.

So many people on here say they wish their husbands had told them why they were unhappy instead of leaving/sleeping with someone else etc.

He has told you. Plenty of people will say he’s a bad person based on the details of that list but you can now decide how to proceed, whether you split or not