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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

487 replies

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:42

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

OP posts:
JLou08 · 21/06/2026 14:00

If it was the first time, or a rare occurrence for something like this to happen, I wouldn't be jumping to the typical MN response of LTB. Tell him you both need to have a serious and rational discussion about the relationship. He isn't happy, you're not happy, long term marriages go through rough patches like this. Listen to what he needs, tell him what you need and find a compromise together so you can both have your needs met.

TheTealHiker · 21/06/2026 13:59

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 21/06/2026 13:58

Do people actually pay you for giving them advice like this?

Show quote history

If so they are being robbed !!😮

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 21/06/2026 13:58

AlexStocks · 21/06/2026 13:25

I'm a marriage therapist and I really think you both need marriage counseling. He's telling you something is wrong.

I wish every man and woman knew that something like 60% of couples have a significant dip in marital satisfaction with small kids.

The biggest flag is he feels you put everything, even work, in front of him. He's saying he needs you. It's a shitty delivery, but that's the underlying message.

As parents, you two need to be Hella united. Get united. He's going to have to give as well because there's a near zero chance he doesn't have his own hand in things going sideways.

Do people actually pay you for giving them advice like this?

EmailsaysOOO · 21/06/2026 13:58

Id be gone.

SooPanda · 21/06/2026 13:54

Surely the response to DP to that list is… so why are you still here?!

Because though you may not do “enough” in his eyes, you still do your share. So without you he’d have to do it all. This way he gets to have his cake and eat it criticise it at the same time

frozendaisy · 21/06/2026 13:54

A grown man
Father of two
Saying you don’t make him feel special enough

just let that sink in

“give me a reason sweet cheeks”

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 21/06/2026 13:53

Tell him you agree that you’ve both married the wrong person and you also feel you deserve a man you’re compatible with. Then ask him to work with you get the separation process started.

He doesn’t get to rip your character apart and then be too cowardly / selfish to allow you to get rid of him, just because it’s upheaval to his life. He’s effectively told you he doesn’t value or respect you - so now he can face up to the consequences of that.

BTW he sounds like a dick.

Bonkers1966 · 21/06/2026 13:53

Stop justifying yourself to strangers on the internet and to a man who despises you. Use that time and energy to improve your life.

SilenceInside · 21/06/2026 13:53

I couldn't spend a second longer with anyone who actually called me thick and stupid to my face, who criticised me in the way this man is doing to you, and who makes so many demands on your time without giving much back himself.

GoFigure235 · 21/06/2026 13:52

In the short term, I would tell him that you're happy with who you are, you do more than your fair share, and he knows where the door is if he wants to leave.

MyArtfulGreySloth · 21/06/2026 13:51

He sounds like a massive baby.

Thisthreadhasbeendeleted · 21/06/2026 13:50

He's selfish, feckless, insecure, needy, verbally and emotionally abusive. Is he staying with you just to have someone to insult?

BeardySchnauzer · 21/06/2026 13:49

Can I ask who earns more? I know it shouldn’t matter for some men it does

Calendulaaria · 21/06/2026 13:49

Calling you thick and stupid is abusive. You deserve better.

Original poster
Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 13:48

We have done marriage counselling in thr past and don't think we got a lot out of it.

It feels like he wants me to fundamentality change who I am

If i do something wrong (in his view) and I apologise, but explain why I did it, thats ne being defensive and argumentative. However if I do just say sorry and won't do it again, that's me being dismissive and not taking it seriously

His good points ... he will cook dinner most days of the week, but will moan about it. Will cover if i have to travel with work although that is far less often than he does anything.

OP posts:
Pinkflamingo10 · 21/06/2026 13:45

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 13:09

He says I need to change that everything i do is wrong. Even down to how I drive and park (our drive awkward and i can reverse on it but may take me 2 attempts to straighten up etc...thats wrong apparently and i'm thick because I can't do it in one go)

The fact i am up with him at 6am, do the lunches (including him and the children) have to fit my run in between 630 and 730 qhen the kida are up, do the school run, work 9-5, including using my lunch as pick up as he normally had a nap from 230 - 330 so sometimes misses it, then do the washing throughout the day and sort it out in the evening, he can't understand why I am exhausted by 9pm and not wanting to 'spend time' with him every night

I’m sorry -he has a NAP ??!!!
while you’re racing about doing everything ?!
byeeeeeee

HereWeGoesAgain · 21/06/2026 13:45

Anarchy99 · 21/06/2026 13:18

So many people on here say they wish their husbands had told them why they were unhappy instead of leaving/sleeping with someone else etc.

He has told you. Plenty of people will say he’s a bad person based on the details of that list but you can now decide how to proceed, whether you split or not

I think the odds are good that he has someone else already, either in his bed or in mind.

I've seen men become hyper-critical of their partners and pick fights like this when they start comparing them to the Perfect Other Woman and trying (subconsciously or otherwise) to make it their partner's fault that they've had their head turned, so that they don't have to bear either the personal guilt or social shame themselves. Some of them actively want their partners to end the relationship so that they can absolve themselves of that responsibility too.

ClairDeLaLune · 21/06/2026 13:45

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:53

Also to add...he moans i don't have a social life. But he goes out every Saturday for his sporting event so I have to work around that.

He says I can't talk to people as all i do is stare at a computer all day, but when he calls me thick and stupid because I do something differently to how he does (there's not two ways of doing something in his mind, there is his way or the wrong way) I don't really want to talk to people as i'm worried he will complain about what i say

He is emotionally abusing you OP. Are you sure you want to stay with someone who does that?

Bestfootforward11 · 21/06/2026 13:40

Honestly just leave this idiot. There is nothing to discuss. You do not need to explain anything to him other than you wish to leave him. No mature adult behaves like this. Please start gathering important documents and see a solicitor. I find his behaviour really upsetting because it is designed to make you feel small and it’s cruel. Someone who is supposed to love you does not behave as he has. Not just the fact of the list but the kind of things he’s included on it. He clearly considers himself a prize of some kind. I think anyone who hears what you’ve described would strongly disagree. Just be done. Don’t waste any more energy on this fool. I wish you all the best x

OneNewLeader · 21/06/2026 13:39

Do you think you’re the same person he married? Or has this relationship changed you into a less confident, more anxious version of yourself?

If you can, try and find that person, don’t bother trying to please someone who has and will do nothing to lift you up.

banmusk · 21/06/2026 13:38

You could always present him with your list of faults that he has, or just cut to the chase and end the relationship.

TheTealHiker · 21/06/2026 13:37

PetulaGordeno · 21/06/2026 12:56

So you are thick but have a full time job?
Well, that’s quite an achievement isn’t it?
Sounds like the opening line of The Script to me.

I agree.
I think he's getting ready to cheat - if he hasn't done so already.
I'm sorry OP x

Larrythecatforpm · 21/06/2026 13:34

He naps everyday?! What a lazy fucker.

Wishimaywishimight · 21/06/2026 13:34

I would tell him to type up the list, print it and then shove it up his arse.

Larrythecatforpm · 21/06/2026 13:33

I would give him a long list of his faults, and then request a divorce from the narcissist.

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