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AIBU?

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AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

487 replies

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:42

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 21/06/2026 16:27

Ceramiq · 21/06/2026 16:25

Two problems here: your husband wants more of your time and exclusive attention (this is good! he loves you!) and you are legitimately way too busy to give it to him (very bad). Answer is to outsource some of the things that keep you so busy, either to him or to someone else.

You don't see a husband calling his wife thick, stupid, useless etc over anodyne things as a problem?

Ceramiq · 21/06/2026 16:25

Two problems here: your husband wants more of your time and exclusive attention (this is good! he loves you!) and you are legitimately way too busy to give it to him (very bad). Answer is to outsource some of the things that keep you so busy, either to him or to someone else.

FinallyHere · 21/06/2026 16:24

Other than providing you with a list of your so called faults, what does he do to make you feel special?

AfraidToRun · 21/06/2026 16:18

I had one like this, I was too boring but if I did anything I wasn't giving him enough attention, the way I yawned was stupid, if I achieved something it wasn't worth doing, if he did it was like he cured cancer, I was too distracting, I was ugly and didn't put in enough effort, when I did I looked like a slut etc etc etc

No-one should live like this, it's suffocating. It will not improve. How good would it be if he just stfu? Even better, how good would it be if he wasn't there and you could decide your own worth and build your own confidence? Bin the twat and make your own happiness with out him setting your self esteem on fire every 2 minutes...

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 16:17

So he will cook dinner 3 nights a week. The other nights I am either in the office so we have something quick. I cook on a sunday and one night we have swimming lessons.

He hoovers as he moans i don't do it well enough. I've been moaned at enough times even when I have tried to do it to his standards that I just don't now.

The bathrooms get a deep clean bybwhoever gets to them first (or last) at a weekend but there are usually comments made that I should be doing more as I wfh

I do the food shop. He will pop to the shop if we need a top up. I didn't order a food shop one week as a combination of his shifts changed and us being out meant there was no plan for the week and we got low on a few things - it was all my fault that I never went to the shop etc even though he was also perfectly capable

OP posts:
VoReason · 21/06/2026 16:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ToddlerFun7482i292 · 21/06/2026 16:15

Almost none of that is a "flaw". You not paying him attention, working too much etc, are facts / actions, not actual flaws. The fact you see them as personal flaws means your self esteem is very low. I only say this to emphasise that your starting point is not correct.

I dare say if you dumped his shitty arse, you would feel a lot better.

nutbrownhare15 · 21/06/2026 16:14

I wouldn't be able to come back from this. And he calls you thick and stupid? Let him find out how much you do do once he's single and living on his own.

VoReason · 21/06/2026 16:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BillieWiper · 21/06/2026 16:10

Summerhillsquare · 21/06/2026 13:00

He sounds selfish and unpleasant but you sound like a nice normal mum.

I think by the time contempt arrives the functional marriage is over anyway. All you need to consider is if you're staying in a disfunctional marriage.

I'd say it's more 'why?' than 'if'.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 21/06/2026 16:08

Divorce him.

Live a happier life, without this copper-bottomed bell-end insulting you and dragging you down.

That is all.

pinkfondu · 21/06/2026 16:07

How certain are you that he’s not getting undivided attention from someone else

GordanoServices · 21/06/2026 16:02

Do you think this is ok @Timeforachange2026? What do you think? Do you actually like him? He sounds absolutely vile.

user293948849167 · 21/06/2026 16:00

Tell him to F off and find a better wife then

Notabarbie · 21/06/2026 15:58

Who actually cleans the house and cooks? Who does homework supervision and supermarket shop/order? If he is cooking dinner nearly every night, vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms and kitchens I would understand him feeling sad if there was also very little intimacy of any kind or shared experiences.

However. If he is like this regularly you should leave him because this is a horrible way to speak to your partner.

tinytemper66 · 21/06/2026 15:57

He is sucking the joy out of your life. You deserve better and he deserves what that brings…

Pointynoseowner · 21/06/2026 15:55

He wants to grow the fuck up .

Housebashing · 21/06/2026 15:53

Know where this expectation from men for unconditional love from their spouse comes from
I have never expected it. I hoped for it from my parents but I think they really are the only candidates in that category.
Has nobody ever sat down and spelt it out to these men

MargotGobby · 21/06/2026 15:52

So does he make you feel special when he calls you “thick and stupid”? What tf are these blokes on - I honestly despair

GordanoServices · 21/06/2026 15:42

LTB

MustardBear · 21/06/2026 15:41

@Timeforachange2026 you asked “If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel”

But surely the more pertinent question is “after hearing that how do YOU feel?”

Fidgety31 · 21/06/2026 15:37

Your husband sounds like a thick twat…
but as an aside - why do you not have a social life ?

i used to be with someone who had no social
life and tbh it was very boring . You
might feel better in yourself if life included
more than just work and kids . Get a babysitter !

Cobrakainerd · 21/06/2026 15:36

Give him a list of his faults, top of list, giant chauvinistic twat.

BlueFahrenheit · 21/06/2026 15:29

Vanillaicelatte · 21/06/2026 15:23

The not paying him attention making him feel special is really him saying - not enough sex

He's an overgrown man-child.

godmum56 · 21/06/2026 15:28

hurt? I'd be INCANDESCENT