AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

This sounds very familiar . Have you posted about this before ? This man has ground you down so much that you feel you can’t even speak to people anymore . This is madness . Your nerves must be shot . Please please say you’re going to leave this man because I can’t grasp why you want to stay. You couldn’t say hardly any good points about him. You have one life OP.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this OP. You poor thing.

i wouldn't want to be with this man. He is shortening your life

That's abuse, and he's chipping away at your confidence. I wasted 33 years with a nasty man, hope you don't too. Leave, honey xxx

Why are you with him? He is nasty.

Thus nan does bit like you and certainly doesn't love you. Start from there and decide what you want your future to look like it's all very well coming on mumsnet and being all woe is me which I'm sorry but that is how your post come across. You need a plan and it needs to not include someone who doesn't like you. You are not doing anything wrong you are more than pullng your weight you are a busy working Mum you deserve someone who loves you for you not someone who puts you down and treats you like shit. You are so obviously not being unreasonable you don't need to ask. Unitask how do I get out of this what do I need to do how do I get my ducks in a row

Your biggest fault would be putting up with that degree of bullshit. Take the high road and dont list his faults (tempting) but set him free so YOU can find better ....

Wow. He really doesn’t like you, does he? I’m sure you’d both be happier apart.

Stop trying to defend yourself. Anyone who presents a list with that content has checked out of the marriage already. The only thing you need to change is who you live with. Tell him you are not going to change but if he’s unhappy with that then he can leave, and in fact you aren’t happy with his behaviour so again, he should leave.

Some of those are quite childish and immature on his part tbh op especially to soft on the kids,due to my bad childhood I've never been a strict parent and the soft approach has always worked for me.

Put the kids before him:if you do that's absolutely normal I would expect a mum to put her kids before anyone else

I think the other stuff if just plain nasty and if someone gave me a list of those flaws I don't think I could come back from that.

I would list his in full,and make sure it is a much longer list,l will look at my flaws when you look at yours.

What's the point in engaging with him and his criticisms ? You've been set up to fail, OP. He's highly abusive. Is there a reason why you can't/don't want to separate?

I’d be asking them which ‘school of perfectionism’ they attended…….🤣🤣🤣🤣

He’s horrible, this is not the love of your life please leave him.

also, from experience, he has met someone else and/or is planning his exit and is creating a narrative that this is all your fault.

get your ducks in a row and stop engaging with him and focus on yourself your friends your health your looks your hobbies only

This and the post from the ‘marriage counsellor’ are the two worst responses by far. Did you miss the continual abuse ffs?

OP, does he have any good points?

His attitude must be pulling you down.

Time to get rid?

I'm speechless OP, wouldn't know where to begin.
You sound amazing.
Please take care of yourself OP

Life’s too short, lovely. Don’t waste another second living with a bully. You’d be much happier doing everything to your own standards and not walking on eggshells in your own home than trying to live up to his idea of a perfect wife. Let him do everything for the kids 3/4 days a week and see if he can live up to his expected level of perfection then. You can use that time to have a much deserved break and work on that social life he expects you to magic time for x

I would provide him with a list of what’s wrong with him, then tell him if he is unhappy he is free to leave and start divorce proceedings

He's being emotionally abusive and a prick.

If you worked in an office, you wouldn't be doing household chores. You're paid to work. Just because your office is 'at home' doesn't mean you're not working and can drop it to do household chores during working hours. Just like he can't.

Seriously. He sounds awful.

God @Timeforachange2026. What do you get out of this relationship?!

Seriously… what are the good points?

The person who is meant to love you the most hasn’t got a good thing to say about you. Why would you want to stay?!

Love this! That's going to be my mantra...head up, tits out.

Well he's got a funny way of showing it.
I'm not sure how calling someone "thick and stupid" is meant to endear you to someone.

Can I add a third problem?

He calls his wife ‘thick’ and ‘stupid’.

So why is he with you if you are so very dreadful?

Is this his list of excuses to leave? - I’ve experienced this and it’s deeply hurtful, cutting to the core.

The comments about you not paying him enough attention etc - imply you have all the responsibility for maintaining the relationship.