AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

So he will cook dinner 3 nights a week. The other nights I am either in the office so we have something quick. I cook on a sunday and one night we have swimming lessons.

He hoovers as he moans i don't do it well enough. I've been moaned at enough times even when I have tried to do it to his standards that I just don't now.

The bathrooms get a deep clean bybwhoever gets to them first (or last) at a weekend but there are usually comments made that I should be doing more as I wfh

I do the food shop. He will pop to the shop if we need a top up. I didn't order a food shop one week as a combination of his shifts changed and us being out meant there was no plan for the week and we got low on a few things - it was all my fault that I never went to the shop etc even though he was also perfectly capable

Him calling you thick and stupid is the deal breaker. The way you have phrased this suggests he is controlling.

Do people actually pay you for giving them advice like this?

I'm a marriage therapist and I really think you both need marriage counseling. He's telling you something is wrong.

I wish every man and woman knew that something like 60% of couples have a significant dip in marital satisfaction with small kids.

The biggest flag is he feels you put everything, even work, in front of him. He's saying he needs you. It's a shitty delivery, but that's the underlying message.

As parents, you two need to be Hella united. Get united. He's going to have to give as well because there's a near zero chance he doesn't have his own hand in things going sideways.

Going against the grain here, if that list is true I’d say he’s right.

I read again as if it were a man, if all you do around the house is wash clothes and load the dishwasher then I agree that’s not enough.

i haven’t rtft but I don’t see any mention of equal split of cooking, housework, etc. a relationship needs both parties to invest in each other. It sounds like your husband is fed up with the monotonous day to day life with 0 time for each other (by the sounds of it you DO prioritise everything else).

you’d both be better off single

I'm a marriage therapist and I really think you both need marriage counseling. He's telling you something is wrong.

I wish every man and woman knew that something like 60% of couples have a significant dip in marital satisfaction with small kids.

The biggest flag is he feels you put everything, even work, in front of him. He's saying he needs you. It's a shitty delivery, but that's the underlying message.

As parents, you two need to be Hella united. Get united. He's going to have to give as well because there's a near zero chance he doesn't have his own hand in things going sideways.

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

And this man is still breathing????

Two problems here: your husband wants more of your time and exclusive attention (this is good! he loves you!) and you are legitimately way too busy to give it to him (very bad). Answer is to outsource some of the things that keep you so busy, either to him or to someone else.

And you choose to have children with this prick because...?

Two problems here: your husband wants more of your time and exclusive attention (this is good! he loves you!) and you are legitimately way too busy to give it to him (very bad). Answer is to outsource some of the things that keep you so busy, either to him or to someone else.