AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

It might be the one about how often you hoover.

Did anyone find the second thread by OP?

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Page 223. The Demand Man is your ray of sunshine. Start writing a diary and keeping notes on all his criticisms. It will help you detach. Then make a spreadsheet of all his complaints and keep a tally. Then you can play Criticism Bingo. This will also help you detach. It you guess correctly allocate yourself treats.

He is abusive.

I found Lundy Bancroft Why does he do that very helpful.

Sorry op it's not an easy road but you'll get away from him.

@Timeforachange2026 absolutely this! Time to get ICILY FURIOUS even!

This is psychological abuse. Tell him if he doesn’t like it either do it himself or get out as you’ll be better off without him.

Please leave this man. You will only regret not doing it sooner.

And what does the OPs list say?

1. You are a CF
2. There's the door.

@Timeforachange2026

Literally like your username says, yes it is. Where are you there on that front? Are the ducks getting lined up? It’ll be hard, but so is living like to is. Just a different hard, but one that gets you a better outcome in the long run.

If he moans anyway, save your time and energy and let him moan for not prepping the veg for instance. He doesn’t deserve your labour, he’s not appreciative.

You won't have panic attacks when you're away from him. Get away and enjoy the peace.

His unreasonableness is without question. The only thing you need to focus is working out step by step how you will leave safely. You mentioned earlier you were going to speak to a solicitor. Women’s Aid might be helpful. Is there a good friend/family member you can speak to? Don’t try to work him out, the why, or turn it inwards on yourself. The panic attack is yourbody telling you this situation is really not ok. I hope you are able to find a way out, you deserve better.

He sounds very abusive

Stop saying sorry and start getting angry. And most importantly, get him out of your life.

I think you know this, but this is abuse. You need to make a plan and get out fast.

I couldn’t live like this. I’m sorry you’re going through this. He’s a tedious, dull bully. Is he constantly criticising you in front of your children? Grey rock his whiny ass and plan your escape.

You said you've been working out what you can afford OP, have you found anywhere yet? Have you seen a solicitor?

You really can't keep going on like this, life is much too short, and we never know when our time will be up, so we need to make the most of every single day we have, please don't waste your's by staying and putting up with this.

@Timeforachange2026 remind yourself of this. Who made him the boss of you? Tell him if you’re so awful he really should set himself free and move out. And if my dh moaned about my driving/parking/veg prepping I’d simply tell him to do it himself so I can see how it should be done.
There We Are Then.

I wouldn't be hurt, I would be incandescent with rage.
Marriage over.

I lived like this for a long time with my ex. It escalated to him being horrendous when he was drunk and he got our child involved in one of his outbursts.

I had tried to leave a few times before and if I look back now, I had actually been getting my ducks in a row and changing my life over the course of two years so when I didn’t leave it wasn’t all so overwhelming.

Leaving is hard. The aftermath is hard. But it’s not as hard as living like you have been. You deserve much more. There will be peace. You can leave.

Have you spoken to any of your family or close friends about it? Or any organisation like Women’s Aid?

Mate you can’t carry on like this. Your mental health must be shot. 💐

When they go low we go high -what a great piece of advice !!-wish I had lived all of my life like this as am nearly 60 now and have only adopted this attitude with age !

And why are your staying? This is no way to live and not great for your children to see either

Start planning. How old are your children? This man doesn't like you but will very likely still not want to let you go. Start planning now and give yourself a 2-3 year timeline if possible. Glow up, focus on health and wellbeing, develop more friendships, save money and put money in a separate account, decide about housing and start therapy. Leave when YOU want to not when Mumsnet or your friends say. You will know the right time so start preparing.

I remember i had an ex like this. I used to sit and read about different topics and make notes so I could talk to him about interesting things!!
Then I learned this is what men say when they have checked out of a relationship and are too cowardly to break it off.
You can break up today or a bit further down the line but it is coming. Leave before it gets worse. This time next year you won't believe you let somone talk to you like that and he will be part of the "male loneliness epidemic".