Not keen on overnight pet stays - unreasonable or not?

Susieb4964 · 2026-06-21T09:54:43+00:00

My brother-in-law has a new lady friend and they want to introduce their dogs (don’t ask!). She lives in our city, he lives about 200 miles away. He asked if he and the dog could stay with us for the weekend. We’ve had pets ourselves but are now pet free. We don’t mind people visiting with their pets, but don’t want overnight stays because the house isn’t pet proof, there’s stuff around everywhere that a dog could get into, and we’d have to worry about leaving doors open. My OH told this to BiL and he’s not happy, obviously. Our city has plenty of dog friendly hotels that he could use, and that would actually be more convenient because we live in the suburbs. Are we being unreasonable about this?

Tweedledeedledum · 21/06/2026 17:36

I have two dogs and wouldn't inflict them on anyone else during the day or overnight. I wouldn't even ask.
Stick to your guns, as others have said, your house, your rules.

OttersOnAPlane · 21/06/2026 13:18

YANBU. It's completely different having a dog overnight than having it there for a couple of hours fully supervised by the owner.

Your BIL is being a cheapskate, trying to avoid paying for an hotel.

Spidey66 · 21/06/2026 13:14

When we visit my sister we bring the dog but can't stay with them as they have a cat (my dog hates them) and guinea pigs and it's not really appropriate. We stay in a Travelodge and just visit with the dog which is fine.

category12 · 21/06/2026 13:08

AutumnLover1990 · 21/06/2026 11:12

I see both sides. Do you travel to them equally? If it's always them having to travel to you,I don't see why they should also have to fork out for a dog-sitter too.

Edited

That's what happens if you decide to have dogs, you have to sort out a dogsitter or kennel when you go away. You don't get to impose your pets on the people you're visiting.

Delphiniumandlupins · 21/06/2026 12:45

I have a dog but have some relatives I wouldn't want to bring their dogs to my house - others I would happily adopt. It's your home so you set the rules. If I was happy to have a dog visit I would be happy for it to sleep downstairs with my dog or in downstairs bedroom with its owner.

Yetanotherone12 · 21/06/2026 12:43

Clearinguptheclutter · 21/06/2026 12:41

I don’t know why the OP needs to be available to look after somebody else’s dog

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From her update though she isn’?

bil will be there and will look after the dog. At no point will the op be responsible for it, it will be staying in the house with bil.

Clearinguptheclutter · 21/06/2026 12:41

AutumnLover1990 · 21/06/2026 11:12

I see both sides. Do you travel to them equally? If it's always them having to travel to you,I don't see why they should also have to fork out for a dog-sitter too.

Edited

I don’t know why the OP needs to be available to look after somebody else’s dog

Original poster

Susieb4964 · 21/06/2026 12:41

NearlyNewNonny · 21/06/2026 12:26

I adore my two dogs, so much so I've just spent almost £1,000 on a pet friendly hotel whilst visiting family. I was pleased they had a walled garden and were happy to have the dogs in the garden whilst there.
I couldn't bear to leave my dogs in kennels, which would have been much cheaper because it it wasn't for the dogs we would have been more than welcome to stay in their home. N̈q,

Well that’s pretty much it, and you sound lovely. We like dogs so long as they belong to other people and when we had pets it was cats. We would happily welcome BiL, just not the dog.

OP posts:

PurpleCoo · 21/06/2026 12:39

It's your house, so you are within your rights to decline.

If the only thing stopping you is your house not being 'pet proof', what does that even mean? A normal dog doesn't need special arrangements, because they are house trained.

If that's just a flimsy excuse because you don't want a dog in your house, it will sound exactly like a flimsy excuse. Just be honest, it's your right to say. If someone said to me their house wasn't pet proof, I would just say mine doesn't need a pet proof house. My friends are honest and we respect each others boundaries though. Those that don't want my dog in their house just say so and it's fine.

Yetanotherone12 · 21/06/2026 12:39

Susieb4964 · 21/06/2026 11:52

Thanks for your replies. As dnadiscoveryquery says, BiL and potential new GF want to introduce their dogs to make sure they get on before the humans take things further. GF lives in our city, BiL lives 200 miles away. BiL wants to sleep over at our place, with dog, and visit GF during the day, also with dog, so using us as a hotel that he doesn’t have to pay for!
There is a difference between having dogs for short visits and having them overnight. You can supervise them during the day but not at night. BiL’s dog is lovely but very boisterous and I’ve seen what he does in his own home, so not happy about him coming to mine!

Edited

If your bil is there though he would be responsible? He’s not dumping the dog on you which would be different.

he’s your Dh’s brother, I don’t see why he’d be “using your house as a hotel” by asking to stay with you? Unless you don’t have space surely it’s entirely reasonable to want to stay with your brother? Even if he is seeing his gf in the day they can catch up at night. I wouldn’t dream of expecting mine to get a hotel if I could host them.

if the dog is likely to damage things then that’s different. He’s taking the dog out in the day though so would only be around at night with the dog sleeping?

if he was asking you to take responsibility for the dog while he pisses off that’s one thing. Unless he can’t supervise his own dog properly?

NearlyNewNonny · 21/06/2026 12:33

Apologies. No idea what happened there...

NearlyNewNonny · 21/06/2026 12:26

I adore my two dogs, so much so I've just spent almost £1,000 on a pet friendly hotel whilst visiting family. I was pleased they had a walled garden and were happy to have the dogs in the garden whilst there.
I couldn't bear to leave my dogs in kennels, which would have been much cheaper because it it wasn't for the dogs we would have been more than welcome to stay in their home. N̈q,

NearlyNewNonny · 21/06/2026 12:26

I adore my two dogs, so much so I've just spent almost £1,000 on a pet friendly hotel whilst visiting family. I was pleased they had a walled garden and were happy to have the dogs in the garden whilst there.
I couldn't bear to leave my dogs in kennels, which would have been much cheaper because it it wasn't for the dogs we would have been more than welcome to stay in their home. N̈q,

NearlyNewNonny · 21/06/2026 12:26

I adore my two dogs, so much so I've just spent almost £1,000 on a pet friendly hotel whilst visiting family. I was pleased they had a walled garden and were happy to have the dogs in the garden whilst there.
I couldn't bear to leave my dogs in kennels, which would have been much cheaper because it it wasn't for the dogs we would have been more than welcome to stay in their home. N̈q,

Shinyandnew1 · 21/06/2026 12:15

Susieb4964 · 21/06/2026 11:59

Apparently so! I guess if the dogs don’t get on, the relationship is off.

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Or, it’ll stay on but you will end up with the dog at yours every time they get together 😂.

Say no, now.

category12 · 21/06/2026 12:08

No, I wouldn't want someone's dog visiting.

If I wanted a dog in the house, I'd have my own 😁

Bit rude to not be playing it as "I really want to visit you & Susie, bro, haven't seen you for ages, be lovely to spend some time etc" rather than "I wanna use your house as a dog hotel".

Original poster

Susieb4964 · 21/06/2026 11:59

palanoma · 21/06/2026 11:57

Is there a reason DB can't stay with potential GF? Or are both of them afraid the dogs won't get on and there will be mayhem!

Apparently so! I guess if the dogs don’t get on, the relationship is off.

OP posts:

palanoma · 21/06/2026 11:57

Is there a reason DB can't stay with potential GF? Or are both of them afraid the dogs won't get on and there will be mayhem!

Original poster

Susieb4964 · 21/06/2026 11:52

Thanks for your replies. As dnadiscoveryquery says, BiL and potential new GF want to introduce their dogs to make sure they get on before the humans take things further. GF lives in our city, BiL lives 200 miles away. BiL wants to sleep over at our place, with dog, and visit GF during the day, also with dog, so using us as a hotel that he doesn’t have to pay for!
There is a difference between having dogs for short visits and having them overnight. You can supervise them during the day but not at night. BiL’s dog is lovely but very boisterous and I’ve seen what he does in his own home, so not happy about him coming to mine!

OP posts:

mindutopia · 21/06/2026 11:48

It’s fine to say no. Also it’s a bit rude to just say, can I bring my dog to stay at your house so I can go see someone else? He’s not even visiting you. He can stay at a campsite nice and cheap or get an Airbnb or something.

The only person who is allowed to bring their dog to our house is MIL and that’s only because her partner wouldn’t look after it and we aren’t allowed to visit her house (because of her partner who is a class A wanker). We’d never see her if she didn’t visit us with the dog, so that is the only exception. I’d never bring my dog to someone’s dog. Dh and I visit people solo if one of us needs to stay with the dog overnight.

Blueberries0761 · 21/06/2026 11:47

YANBU and I say this a a dog owner. Having someone come to visit with their dog for a short while is different to having a dog stay for a weekend. You shouldn't have change things around to make your home dog safe for bil's dog. Plus, if you agree this time, it'll likely be an ongoing thing and bil will probably leave the dog with you for long periods of time while he's out.

SunnyRedSnail · 21/06/2026 11:46

DaisyChain505 · 21/06/2026 11:00

Your house your rules however I can understand the confusion because you allow dogs in to visit.
Usually it’s either dogs allowed or they’re not. Is there really that much difference between the dog visiting for a few hours or staying over night?
As long as BIL is clear that he is to be with the dog at all times and he brings his crate to sleep in or if he sleeps on the bed just wash the sheets immediately in the morning I’d allow it.
But again, your house your rules.

YES! A huge difference between dog visiting and overnight.

Most people I know do not allow dogs upstairs in bedrooms so that means the owner either sleeps with the dog downstairs or the dog needs a cage so it is not walking round the house at night.

Lots of dogs hate being in a cage in a strange house.

My DH refuses to cage our dog so when we visit my parents he sleeps in the lounge with the dog!

@Susieb4964 perhaps he can sleep in the lounge with the dog?

Noshowlomo · 21/06/2026 11:40

God no YANBU. Filthy stinkers as they are

dnadiscoveryquery · 21/06/2026 11:31

Yetanotherone12 · 21/06/2026 11:19

I’m a bit lost.

when you say “introduce the dogs” do you mean introduce to you? Or does bil and the gf have a dog each and they want to introduce them to each other?

is the bil staying with you or with his gf? Does he want to leave his dog with you while he stays with gf? Or bring both his and gf’s dog to stay with you?

is it a bit of a stop gap until the dogs know each other? Or more of a dump the dogs while he shags the gf thing?

I didn’t think it was confusing.

OP and her husband live in a city where bil’s new gf lives.

BIL wants to come and introduce his dog to gf’s dog.

He has asked to stay at op’s house 🤷🏼‍♀️

Overscheduled · 21/06/2026 11:28

I love dogs, we have dogs and we do look after our friends dogs when they’re away and they do the same for us.

YANBU to not want to do it though. You don’t have your own dogs, your house isn’t set up for them and you would be on edge.

It’s his dog and he needs to take responsibility. He will have to stay in a dog friendly hotel and see his gf for shorter amounts of time with the dogs to get them used to each other, build up time, make sure they get on etc.