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Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed about my daughter's dads wife for Father's Day ?

141 replies

annwinters · 20/06/2026 22:23

I’m so pissed off at my kids dad’s wife! I have found out today from my little girl who’s only 6, that her dad’s wife has taken her shopping this week to buy her dad a Father’s Day gift. I was going to take her today to do it but she told me that his wife had taken her this week. I called her dad and he told me that yeah she had taken her and it’s no big deal.

I am so angry. Before anyone says anything I’m not jealous - me and him were never in a proper relationship and we’re both married to people.

I’ve done Father’s Day gifts always but he’s never bothered. I got a snotty text last year telling me that he didn’t want me to get him presents from our daughter as it “blurs boundaries” (obviously instigated by his wife!!!)

So basically I’m pushed out and can’t do anything for my daughter to acknowledge her dad?

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family? She only needs to get gifts from her kid to her husband and leave us alone

OP posts:
CarbonAtom · 21/06/2026 06:40

Who does mother's day for you? Your daughter father or you husband?

amylou8 · 21/06/2026 06:35

Yeah you are jealous. Not of your 'ex' and his wife, but of your daughter having a relationship with her.

AlphabetCucumber · 21/06/2026 06:31

I don’t get why you’re angry. Buying a Father’s Day present for an ex is something I’d do grudgingly and then be glad to pass on to his new wife.

Edit: even odder when you weren’t in a relationship with him, so his wife definitely knows him and what he’d like better.

Honeyhonay · 21/06/2026 06:28

Yabu it’s more her job than yours, she’s his wife.

FlyingApple · 21/06/2026 06:26

Well you're going to have things like this if you're not together, that's the price of co-parenting.

Thepossibility · 21/06/2026 06:25

Nah I'm not with you at all. It makes total sense that after him telling you he doesn't want you to buy him presents from DD...that his DP would take her to get him presents. A nice thing for her to do btw. This smacks of you trying to start some drama.

Pinkchickenwine · 21/06/2026 06:21

And interesting that you don’t refer to “your daughter dads wife” as your daughters step mother? But you’re not jealous… of course not!

Pinkchickenwine · 21/06/2026 06:17

You knew not to give a gift from
last year! YABU!

autumn1610 · 21/06/2026 06:16

Why don’t you just get her step dad a little gift unless you don’t see him as a father figured in you DDs life.

Duvetdayforme · 21/06/2026 06:16

I would be quietly grateful. Is this really a hill you want to die on?

DeepRubySwan · 21/06/2026 06:12

You are not jealous but you are controlling.

Whyherewego · 21/06/2026 06:06

Blimey. If my sister or someone else in my family didnt organise with my kids to get me a present for any event (birthday, xmas etc) I would have received nothing. As my ex was never going to do it. We were exes for a reason.

One less job for you !

superchick · 21/06/2026 06:01

Why are you making this about you? Its between DD and her dad, stay out of it. Making a war with DDs stepmother will only end up hurting DD in the end.

moose62 · 21/06/2026 05:43

What happens on Mother's day?
Do you expect DD's dad to take her shopping to get something for you or does your DH organise it?
Why does it matter who takes her shopping?

JackandVictor · 21/06/2026 05:28

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 20/06/2026 22:26

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family

But they ARE family. Would you rather her step mum played the evil stepmother? It's nice that she cares about your daughter and her relationship with her Dad. YABVU as much as that might hurt

Exactly this!

NearlyNewNonny · 21/06/2026 05:27

Such strange thinking, rage bating at its finest I suspect. If this post has an ounce of veracity I'll just bet it's, "My daughter," too.

Whatalunatic · 21/06/2026 05:21

BudgetBuster · 20/06/2026 22:32

🙄 He asked you a year ago not to do gifts... but yiu didn't respect that and you were going to get something today? Why is it you feel he isn't entitled to boundaries?

Why do you feel the OP isn't entitled to be a half decent mother and ensure that her child has a gift for the other parent at the appropriate moment?

OP, I get where you're coming from but I would leave it. Save the messages for when his decides it's not her job and he moans he didn't get a gift. Because that will happen eventually.

SweetnsourNZ · 21/06/2026 04:56

JoyfulSpring · 20/06/2026 22:44

Can she get my kids dad something while she's at it?

It sounds like she's got jealous of you buying her husband gifts and he's getting it in the neck for it so he's asked you to stop (at her request). If you're not jealous as you say then let her crack on. It's such a small thing and your daughter is still getting to celebrate her dad. She's not taking anything away from you or your daughter.

Or the husband was feeling stalked. OP pointed out that they were never in a proper relationship which I think is very different to dealing with an ex partner/husband.

Missey85 · 21/06/2026 04:53

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 20/06/2026 22:26

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family

But they ARE family. Would you rather her step mum played the evil stepmother? It's nice that she cares about your daughter and her relationship with her Dad. YABVU as much as that might hurt

I think some posters do wish this it's much easier to hate someone that's evil 🙂 I think it pisses them off more if their nice

SweetnsourNZ · 21/06/2026 04:50

Trying to work out why this would bug you as you say you haven't even had a proper relationship with this man anyway. He is basically a stranger connected to you only via your daughter. Let him get on with his own life and let him and his partner make their own choices. Maybe he feels uncomfortable getting gifts and cards you have paid for.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 21/06/2026 04:17

They’re not pretending to be a happy little family; they are one.

I suspect this is the issue.

StrawbreweryShortcake · 21/06/2026 04:08

I'm assuming he doesn't help her buy you a Mother's Day card/gift.

If your daughter has a decent relationship with her step-father, maybe you could divert your energy toward helping her give him a token of appreciation, instead. Father's Day can be about saying 'thank you' to other father figures, too. Otherwise, I'd just leave them to it, as they clearly don't want your involvement, and if your daughter is satisfied, that's good enough.

SLW19 · 21/06/2026 03:32

My older two children’s dad never wanted anything to do with them when we split up, but if he did, I’d happily let his girlfriend/wife get them! Saves me abit of money🤷🏼‍♀️😂 honestly don’t let it bother you!

2026baby · 21/06/2026 02:55

I don't really see an issue as long as your DD is getting her dad a present. At this age its about needing an adult to support her to do so, it doesn't really matter who that adult is as it doesn't change who the gift is from and her dad did ask you to stop and perhaps had it in mind for his wife to take over? I assume when she is a teenager she will independently buy gifts without either of you?

A friend of mine was a single mum and when her boy was little used to help him with gifts for her from him for mothers day, birthdays etc. Once she met someone new, he then took over helping the son. It didn't matter who helped him, just that he was helped and his step dad felt more appropriate and efficuent than his mums friend...

AlmostAJillSandwich · 21/06/2026 01:32

Honestly, it makes much more sense to me for his wife to sort it as she'll know him much better. You can do fathers day for your husband.