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Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed about my daughter's dads wife for Father's Day ?

141 replies

annwinters · 20/06/2026 22:23

I’m so pissed off at my kids dad’s wife! I have found out today from my little girl who’s only 6, that her dad’s wife has taken her shopping this week to buy her dad a Father’s Day gift. I was going to take her today to do it but she told me that his wife had taken her this week. I called her dad and he told me that yeah she had taken her and it’s no big deal.

I am so angry. Before anyone says anything I’m not jealous - me and him were never in a proper relationship and we’re both married to people.

I’ve done Father’s Day gifts always but he’s never bothered. I got a snotty text last year telling me that he didn’t want me to get him presents from our daughter as it “blurs boundaries” (obviously instigated by his wife!!!)

So basically I’m pushed out and can’t do anything for my daughter to acknowledge her dad?

Aibu to tell him to tell his wife to back off and stop pretending there this happy little family? She only needs to get gifts from her kid to her husband and leave us alone

OP posts:
AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 21/06/2026 10:11

I doubt this is real. Yet another of the drop and run rage bait posts that litter MN these days.

CaesarAugusta · 21/06/2026 10:04

I assume your ex doesn't help her buy Mother's Day presents and birthday presents for you?

CaesarAugusta · 21/06/2026 10:03

Why on earth would you want to buy presents for your ex?

Walkerzoo · 21/06/2026 09:38

Is this woman kind to your daughter? Does she treat her well.

I think it is a lovely thing for her to do. She knows what he will like, she is paying and it is nice.

myglowupera · 21/06/2026 09:34

You’re both married to other people, he doesn’t get your cards/presents and he’s told you not to get his. So stop.

I do wonder though what you would say if his wife suddenly stopped doing it and told you to sort it out from now on. I think you’d be annoyed but I might be wrong.

edit: spelling error

Babyputyourpantson · 21/06/2026 09:29

They are a happy little family, be gratefull about that!

Kez145 · 21/06/2026 09:17

This is a ludicrous thing to even think much less write down. YABU. Incredibly.

Runsaway · 21/06/2026 09:09

You are utterly unreasonable. Father’s Day is nothing to do with you and you should keep out of it. It’s more appropriate for her stepmum to do it.

Snufkin88 · 21/06/2026 08:35

Who actually cares ? Chill out . You could get him a token gift if you really want something from your side but it doesn’t sound like that would be appropriate given the relationship you have with him at this stage. You sound super controlling to be honest

Desperatelyseekinglazysusan · 21/06/2026 08:20

got a snotty text last year telling me that he didn’t want me to get him presents from our daughter as it “blurs boundaries” (obviously instigated by his wife!!!)
How do you know it was instigated by his wife? The present is from child to father. It doesn't matter who takes the child out to do it. His present from his DD is nothing really to do with you especially as he has already told you he doesn't want you to do it. This also sounds like a big deal for something so minor unless you really have blurred boundaries in some way/gone way over the top/were an affair partner?

BudgetBuster · 21/06/2026 08:05

Whatalunatic · 21/06/2026 05:21

Why do you feel the OP isn't entitled to be a half decent mother and ensure that her child has a gift for the other parent at the appropriate moment?

OP, I get where you're coming from but I would leave it. Save the messages for when his decides it's not her job and he moans he didn't get a gift. Because that will happen eventually.

Show quote history

I actually think in general it's a lovely thing. I am a step-parent and my DH always ensures he takes his son to get a gift and card for his mum on various occasions. But if she ever asked for it to stop, of course he would respect those boundaries. In this instance the child's father made a simple request that the OP stops and instead she still tries to continue and blasts him on the Internet.

OneHardyRobin · 21/06/2026 08:02

His wife is doing the right thing helping your DD to get a card/gift for her dad.

Your husband should be helping your DD to get them for you.

I got them for my DC until my ex established a serious relationship and then checked with her if she wanted to take that and other gift arranging on which she did. I am not in a relationship with anyone else so my mum helps my DC with this stuff.

Matronic6 · 21/06/2026 07:48

YABU. He literally told you he didn't want you to buy him gifts on behalf of his daughter. It's not your place to decide how that decision came about or ignore what he said. You simply respect his very clear boundary.

They are a happy family. Your daughter is very much part of their family until in the same way she is part of yours.

ByRoseBiscuit · 21/06/2026 07:47

Youhavereachedyourdestination · 20/06/2026 22:30

Uh… you forfeited this bit of life when you split up with him…

They are a happy family, as are you with your husband, apparently…

This.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/06/2026 07:23

I agree with the comments to get your dh something, presuming he is a father figure. Doesn’t he organise your Mother’s Day gifts?

EverythingGolden · 21/06/2026 07:21

This is surely a reverse or something, it’s too odd? Claiming not to be jealous and then immediately demonstrating jealousy, being asked not to send gifts but ignoring the request, it certainly doesn’t put the OP in a good light if taken at face value.

allthingsprettyinpink · 21/06/2026 07:07

BudgetBuster · 20/06/2026 22:32

🙄 He asked you a year ago not to do gifts... but yiu didn't respect that and you were going to get something today? Why is it you feel he isn't entitled to boundaries?

This!

liamharha · 21/06/2026 07:02

That's a lovely thing for her to do . And takes the pressure off you to do it .

MyDeftDuck · 21/06/2026 07:01

Look at this from a different perspective OP……..does your ex take your DD shopping for a Mothers Day gift for you?

hahabahbag · 21/06/2026 06:55

Seems like a good arrangement to me, means you don’t need to worry. The fact you want to buy your ex a gift is concerning

PollyBell · 21/06/2026 06:53

So if they are pretending (according to you) what is the difference rather than actually being one? I know you wont answer of course

downloadtoad · 21/06/2026 06:47

You sound like a nutter. They are a family whether you like it or not

AbsoluteHoot · 21/06/2026 06:45

Eh? She’s the stepmother and married to the child’s dad. Of course she’s going to be taking her shopping for Father’s Day. I can see that you might do it if he was single, but he’s not. You’re sounding bonkers, OP.

Sickallday · 21/06/2026 06:44

I think she did the right thing. They are the family now so it makes sense and it’s lovely she’s acknowledged it. It’s also one less thing to worry about . I have a step child and I’ve always done the Father’s Day for dad with them especially as we have another child now so they can do it together. Step child’s mum has a partner so we leave Mother’s Day to them. It just always worked for us.

Franjipanl8r · 21/06/2026 06:40

I don’t get it, he’s your ex not your dad. No need to make an effort for him.