DH’s sudden obsession with FIRE

I haven't heard of the term FIRE but my husband is definitely also leaning down this path. We share all income and savings with a healthy combined income. I must admit I do find it wild that he'll tell me we need to watch takeaway coffees or baulks at the cost of new jeans for himself, so we can meet the savings targets he's set. I'm grateful that he's so focussed on our future security but it is mildly annoying to feel like the approach to spending hasn't changed much since our early graduate days. I expect I annoy him too since I smile and nod, and then buy what I like anyway 😆

The issue with FIRE is that its a bit of a cult to be honest. And there's overlap with the cryptobro / get exclusive access to my training course / manosphere mouvements.

£1k a month is quite tame in the FIRE 'world' - certainly not an excessive amount (some people in a couple invest the entire second salary and scrape by to do so... it's wild!). Assuming you are earning as well... where is all the rest of the money going if his investing is costing you additional trips/meals out?

I'm saying all of this even though I'm someone who hates when my husband gets too serious about money and takes all of the fun out of spending for me.

I’m a recent convert to FIRE although due to my age early retirement will be 60 so hardly a spring chicken but a good 8 years ahead of what the government has planned for me!

I am also saving aggressively, I still have holidays, do things with my kids, I just don’t waste money on things I deem frivolous. I use Vinted, shop at Aldi and haven’t allowed lifestyle creep when I’ve had a bonus/payrise.

i know I might be run over by a bus tomorrow, but hopefully I also might not and I know I’ll be happier in my older years with some money behind me.

the Rebel Finance school are running their free course on YouTube at the moment. Why don’t you start with the week 1 video and commit to trying to see your husbands perspective. It’s a fun, dynamic set of videos.

if after that you still don’t agree you might have to agree to disagree but perhaps try and see where he’s coming from, and be grateful he’s planning a nice future rather than drinking it away or wasting it on fast cars and fast women 😜

OP - does he really dislike his job? Is it fuelled by that?

I think it's a fascinating world but also agree that balance is key. For me, I'm really not sure I would want to retire at that age. I think my ideal would be consultancy / part time and just slowing down for more balance. However, I'm surrounded by people in my company in their 50s and 60s who are so youthful, loving life and adore their job and get a kick from it. It seems to give them drive and passion in their life. Work isn't always bad! It can be community, focus and purpose but again needs balancing with downtime.

Is he and all or nothing person in other areas of his life?

Ok fire is great if you're single and don't want a life when you are young. You can get to 40 and that's it...ok on the outside but you have to live like a monk and save everything.
We saved like mad but still had some social life. I retired at 55. Got a part time fill the hours, pay for cider job where I work max 10 hours a week. My wife cleans for a few people. We are out a lot, bought a campervan which was fitted out to our specifications, so away a lot.
So you can save a lot but still have a great life...we have batch cooked on Sundays for 25+ years because it frees up time in the week and saves money. We boil the kettle for 2 flasks in the morning so we have hot water for coffee..,.

Assuming you also work and given his take home salary I don't think 1k is an excessive amount to be saving each month. My DH and I also aim to save about 1/3 of our take home towards savings and investments.

We go out a few times a month, take 2 holidays a year, have a kid in nursery. But we have also never really cared about fashion, cars, or gadgets so naturally spend less than others. Think the hardest thing for us was reducing our takeaways and swapping to Asda (Waitrose/Sainsbury are my preference!). I buy most clothing/toys/child specific stuff on Vinted which saves a fair amount, but I find hunting around for a deal fun rather than miserly and I appreciate others would feel differently

That is the opposite of a spendthrift ! A spendthrift is someone who is reckless and extravagant with money. So you rather than your partner .

Oh me too, thats why I opened this. I love fires.

I dont think its the norm to save for children for them to have their own pot. They're children, they're funded and their parents' financial security is also their own by default

I certainly wish I was able to retire early. Why wouldnt you plan for that?

As someone who is early 60’s and in a manual job with not enough savings to retire early, I wish I had done something like that.
I think balance is the key

My DP is into this, he’s determined to retire at 55. I’m in my late forties and I’ve opted to reduce my hours as I’d prefer to work for more years but fewer hours so I have more leisure time now whilst I’m still well and able. We both pay half of all living costs, so just let each other get on with it. We have no kids, though. I’m really hoping he doesn’t retire at 55 though as he’ll be under my feet driving me mad!

Balance is good.
Don't deny yourself.
But equally don't not plan for th future.
Everything in moderation.

Sounds utterly joyless. I can’t imagine giving up fun and spontaneity in my 30s for the possibility of travelling in my 50s. What a waste. But each to their own.

Just somthing to think about I was able to retire early, bit of planning but more luck. I started to get ill mid - late 40’s by 55 I had to retire early.
just getting you to think about the future you may not be capable of travel, things change for women around menopause.

I’m also investing relatively aggressively right now to gain financial freedom at some point. But the difference is that as parents of young kids we wouldn’t have that many nights out and weekends away anyway. I also won’t refuse anything like eating out with friends or even occasional trips because of this. I’m just quite mindful about what I spend on, and try not to spend on things that won’t add value for me. I’ve also done lots of traveling up to my later 30s, so I’m fine to do less of that now in my 40s. So, I think there needs to be a balance where you still enjoy life now. Does he have potential to earn more? I think he should allocate some money on fun each month. Otherwise life gets too boring for you both. And as said, there’s no guarantee he’ll reach his 50s. Personally I don’t feel like my investments will be wasted even in the event that I won’t. It will go to my children in that case, and give them an easier life.

I think he's very sensible

How restrictive is he being?

It's so easy to give money away for things and for food and so on. Always pay yourself first, I believe in that.

If I could've found a man like that in my 30s, I might have settled down! I was always the one scrimping and saving. Was so worth it.

So I’m FIRE’d, and life is fab, I’m glad I found the idea of it…however! As you’re married I’d suggest you both need to get in the same page in terms of short/mid/long term goals. Him using family/joint finances to supplement his own plans is selfish and could leave you and DC quite exposed.

I wish my younger self had invested more so that I could retire sooner and comfortably, working in your fifties is not fun

Wot a boring bastard. At 34 . Saving is great but life is for living . I have enough money but don't have the health , inclination or partner to enjoy it .

Ok so OP, do you want to leave him? Because a very different attitude to finances is one of the key indicators of divorce.

do you think you can compromise? Set a budget including holidays fun and saving and both stick to it?

I never saved 'for' my children, but they have very much benefited from my saving habit, having been put through university and provided with good house deposits and helped in numerous other ways.

It was a deliberate choice not to save money specifically for them because it felt important not to be committed to handing a large sum over to an 18yo regardless of what was going on in their life.

I know nothing about FIRE but do think savings goals in a relationship shd be both people on the same page. So won't work if one person is overly frugal or spendy.

I'm in favour of FIRE. But in reasonable balance.

Due to that attitude, although I started earlier and didn't hear it called that for ages, I didn't have to work from about age 38 if I was happy to live frugally.

So now I work some and then take some months off.

It depends what's important to you. I have an old car which runs fine, I buy clothes from charity shops but have no issue with that, I don't have subscriptions except the gym, mostly shop at Aldi/Lidl, but I eat out a few times a month and I holiday one or two times a year.
So I feel I have a decent quality of life.

With income of £3k/mth, I would be saving about £1k/mth too, so it seems pretty fine for me.

There are many energetic people in their 50s and 60s. I have a friend in their late 60s who has more energy than I do and I’m over 30 years younger