DH’s sudden obsession with FIRE

I love my job
hope to work for as long as possible
part time, perfect
I wonder why the focus is always on giving up work asap rather than working towards getting a job you love so that you keep you earning whilst also enjoying your life

My dad retired at 50, and has been shuffling about the house for 25 years now…

We’ve started getting into FIRE recently and we’re in our 40s, I wish I’d known about it at 34 (or even saved better) We want to retire around 7 years early so we can have a longer and (hopefully) healthier retirement. Let him get on with it.

I do not criticise anyone for saying live for today, or you might die before you retire, that makes sense when you are at that stage of your life. But things do look very different when you get to 50. The last 10 or even 20 years in an ordinary stressfull job can really take it out of you and damage your health.

Probably, because she will still be working.

Financial planning and budgeting is usually done for the whole family. Are your finances entirely separate? That's unusual for a married couple.

Neither of you are BU, but your financial goals are not aligned. It sounds like the real issue is that you don't feel able to have a conversation about it where he listens to your point of view.

My ex is the age he’s planning to retire and has less than a year to live, was super healthy, great shape then bang … terminal illness. Yes shrewd investing is a smart idea but not to the point of not enjoying life eg if you eat out weekly, switching to fortnightly and investing the difference is a balanced approach, if you take 4 short breaks and switch to 2 and/or find more economical options then that’s good, never taking a break is not worth it

Indeed

not the sharpest tool in the box that one

You never felt deprived because you had a ton of money, simple.

And where is your definition of frugality to speak so definitively @Kindling1970

You’re not living frugally if you have two holidays abroad

To me the OP reads as someone actually not happy with her DH generally. but who know given @Firewife2 doesn’t appear to wish to engage with the thread further

You are a couple and should be making these decisions together about how to live your life .

The bigger red flag is if he won’t compromise or think about your view point .

@whiteblossoms i have two a private. It is £58, 7000 a year. Two day pupils.

that one salary must have been rather big

That one wage must have been pretty hefty to fund three kids through private school though!
What would be the FIRE obsessives’ attitude to private school I wonder.

For myself I have a mental picture of my finances as being three pillars: having fun and living life is one, paying off the mortgage and having no debt is the second, and pension is the third. I try to balance all three. Mortgage and no debt is ticked off so now I’ve increased savings but also increased fun!

I’m not sure that FIRE for DH and not DH+OP really works. It sounds like you’re being excluded / ignored around the family budget, but also the future benefits. You have to have a discussion to get on the same page around costs / saving targets / retirement goals, and also what a quality lifestyle means to you both now.

Also - You mentioned he is investing aggressively and he has his projections. Wanted to ask if what age is targeted, and what assumptions are being made? Is the £1k on top of pensions ie maxing out employer match? Then re investments - he’s within (presumably S&S) ISA limits and looking at a balanced exposure - ie not tempted to make risky investments?

DH and I are currently doing FIRE but we have been clear and aligned on targets and also non-negotiables for us re lifestyle.

You’re in an extremely privileged position though! Excellent public sector pensions and flexibility from 57! That’s pretty much what a load of people doing FIRE would be aiming for…

Because thrift is from the same root as thrive, and originally meant prosperity. A thrifty person had wealth, and preserved it by spending carefully. A spendthrift spent it.

FIRE can be an extreme obsession, but saving 1/3 of take home pay - and still having £2k a month as his contribution to family spending - doesn't seem excessive. Assuming your earnings are similar, OP, plenty of people live comfortably on similar amounts. But having very different attitudes to money and life goals puts a big strain on a relationship.

Does this mean you are now spending proportionally more of your own income on the family ? Is there less going into your savings?

Feels like he's saving for a divorce if this was not a joint decision. Is he planning to wait for you for 18 years if he retires at 50, but you can't until 68?

We did FIRE in our 20’s and 30’s (although it didn’t have that term back then). We lived off one wage and invested the second. Through that time we never felt deprived, had 3 kids in private school, still went on a holiday each year, was frugal rather than cheap. For us, it was about spending money on what aligned with our values ie. we didn’t enjoy takeaways or eating out so rarely spent on this. We always prioritised kids sporting activities and family holidays and budgeted for this accordingly. I will say cost of living was much lower so I think it was easier to do than today. We were also privileged to have good health, stable jobs with growing wages and supportive family.

We are now in our early 50’s, kids are in late teens, early 20’s and our investment income covers our living expenses so we can retire comfortably if we wish. At the moment we are still working part time because we enjoy it but we should never have to worry about money again which is a nice feeling. We are also starting to spend more on overseas holidays, buying kids cars, will help with house deposits etc. For us, the sacrifice has been worth but I think you both need to be on the same page for it to work.

I’ve never understand why spendthrift means extravagant when thrift means being careful with money. So you’d thinking spend-careful with money would mean you’re frugal, not the opposite!

What would you do if you split up? Hopefully these investments are split equally?

Neither your view nor his view is wrong, just different. If you are married though you need to find enough middle ground to work for both of you in how you manage money and live life.