DH’s sudden obsession with FIRE

Personally I didn't want to spend my life saving to retire early. It seems a waste of your life. Saving enough to have a comfortable retirement makes sense. But I like to eat out, have weekend breaks etc.

Yes, I would hate to stop working but I am lucky enough to love my job and find it very fulfilling. My plan is to gradually shift to part time hours instead as I get older so I do want enough savings to do that.

Also - some people are in jobs where their physical health matters more. I can do mine when bed bound (and I have!), so we have people in their 70s still choosing to work at least part time (one of them I know could afford to retire several times over). But if your job requires physical health or lots of travel i can see it would be harder to imagine working into your 50s and beyond

Are you happy @Namechangefordaughterevasion ?

There is a risk that he gets ill or doesn’t make 50. I’m coming up to 70 and I’ve had partner and friends die very early 34, 38, 55 it does happen. It’s all about balance. I’ve always been a saver, and looking back I wish I’d paid people to do things like decorating so I’d have had more time, but again I enjoy doing things like that and brought up in an era where you did everything yourself. As long as you’re not missing out then it’s fine, but if you both are he needs to take a step back from it.

My DH did this. He is in his 60s now and the only one of any of our contemporary friendship groups still working.. We have literally millions saved or invested in property and pensions. He could stop work tomorrow and we’d live comfortably forever but he just keeps going. It’s become an obsession.

You and I clearly enjoy our jobs

if I didn’t… then I guess not working at 50 would be appealing

it is odd you can’t understand that tbh

I don’t understand why people want to retired im their 50s

its too soon. We hsve, potentially, another 40 years

earn, work,whilst you sre fit and anle

is he working on progressing his career? £3k a month isnt huge

Has the OP confirmed whether she works and, if so, what she is paid and how much saves? I see the Op has been asked a few times but i see no response

Thats a fair comment. We don't spend much on cars (we are happy with small and second hand but reliable ones) and I don't really spend on beauty stuff beyond the odd perfume and haircut .

But we do love travel and music concerts and trips to the theatre and travelling to see friends, and I use the library but also like to buy beautiful editions of books if I know I will read them again and again

Prioritising what brings you pleasure and making space for that is important. it's just about balancing that with saving and investing for the future

I think it’s also worth considering to what extent spending money equals enjoying life. Personally I just no longer get much pleasure from buying new clothes or things for that matter. I do enjoy a nice meal out, but equally enjoy a walk in the forest with coffee in thermos. I mainly dye my own hair, not that I wouldn’t like to go to hairdressers as well, but it’s also not something that I truly enjoy that much. Traveling is something I enjoy and spend money on, but really a lot of the daily pleasures actually don’t require spending much money.

I'm slightly with OP's DH. I spent my1950s childhood in significant poverty [forced retirement of terminally ill father at 41; minute occupational pension; no family support; no additional State support.].
After his death, at 46, my mother cleaned houses. I left school at 16 to contribute from my wages.
Fortunately, I took a chance, mid 20's, to retrain. Worked in public service for 30+ years, gaining promotions, working my socks off. Thanks to my index-linked pension, plus down-sizing from the London house I"d been able to buy after 14years deposit-saving + 3x salary mortgage (late 1970s; impossible now), I am now in a position to enjoy a secure, comfortable, unostentatious life. I can, and do, afford good theatre tickets whenever I like (which is often). I can travel if and when I want to. I am relieved of financial uncertainty. I can choose to do what I like.

Believe me: poverty is unpleasant, uncomfortable and also - people never say this - very very boring, because you can never afford more than bumping along the rock-bottom. Poverty + old age combined is insupportable and to be avoided with every effort you can make.
I'd just make sure that this effort is for both of you and for your DC.

I feel for your DC. My ex-husband's parents were both like this. He had a very impoverished children despite the fact that his father earned extremely well. His dad was obsessed with penny pinching during ex's childhood. Some of his stories are really sad - no new clothes in fact ex was awfully bullied at school for wearing old, ripped and far too short clothes, no meals out etc... As soon as we married, Ex-PIL sold their mortgage free home where ex and his sister had to share a bedroom until uni, bought themselves a lovely cottage mortgage free and basically lived the dream of multiple holidays abroad, new cars and meals out. They sacrificed their children's childhood in order to have a luxurious retirement. interestingly both Ex and his DS are NC with their parents who have never met their teen grandchildren.

You say 'only earns 3k a month' and he should push to get higher. Based a plan 1 student loan and a 5% pension contribution you'd have to be earning £50k plus a year to bring that in monthly. He could be pretty high up already in quite a few professions you realise?

I am very aware of the fact that not all of us are lucky enough to have a long (much less healthy) life, and I agree that balance is important, but saying 'life is for living' is too easy of an excuse to spend and let tomorrow take care of itself, regardless of how exactly that will work. Where do you stop living for today and start saving for tomorrow? It's hard enough as it is to defer pleasure until a later date without that motto on repeat in your head, in my opinion.

yes, several of my friends died before their 40s even. None of us are guaranteed an old age- it's good to strike a balance between living now and saving for the future

I think it's about balance

But if he only earns £3k a month surely he'd be best of pushing hard in his career to get a higher paying job?

I don't think £1k a month is insane if that includes his pension contributions?

Op he can do fire but also tweak it ever so slightly ! Each month he should allocate a teeny amount to going out and fun

its a lovely idea but my two brothers and a sister have died before 50 plus many many friends so 🤷‍♀️I’m not sure it’s worth missing fun now . You are so young . Maybe invest more in later life when you feel you have less to miss out on as you’ve already done a lot of stuff.

My dh is a spender in comparison to me. Without me, we wouldn't have anything saved outside of our work pension. We wished we started in our 30s, even £200 a month would compounded into something quite significant but not many knew much about investing 20 years ago. Now, everyone can just download an app, watch some YouTube videos and off you go. We only started investing 3 years ago, when we paid off our mortgage. Even with the 1k a month, we can't see ourselves retire anytime soon the next 7 years.

If we investigated in out 30s, we would have retired by now. Some days it's tough to work in a job you hate. I dread having to job hunt if I lose my current job. Not all jobs are 50+ friendly. We are in our 50s.

If you still able afford yearly holidays, I can't see the issue.

What's your salary op? I think you need a proper discussion about what you both want and how to achieve it. Your wants are important too. Could you earn more? I think you need to make sure your joint income is creating wealth for both of you not just him, and creating fun for both of you too.

At his age his focus really should be on skilling up to increase his earning potential

This issue aside, what is the marriage like? I be otherwise a loving supportive husband who you love despite his obsession?

Are you starting to get pissed off with all the cutting back?

£3k is subsidence living though? Where is a new car coming from. What about university fees and costs.