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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel hurt about unequal support from my mum?

32 replies

Ineedcoffee28 · 20/06/2026 18:16

Good evening everyone,

The title was suggested by mumsnet so hope it is apt..
Im not trying to sound petty or anything here but i was wondering if me feeling hurt about this is valid...or am i just being really delicate??

Im a lone parent, have been for 16 years. Never had a mothers day card or gift. Never had a birthday card from my kids either. Its okay.

My brother in law, recently widowed (my sister). Someone I have never got on with, who never bothered with my family is now spending more time with my parents and i wont lie it makes me feel uncomfortable.

I found out my mum has got his kids (my nephews) a fathers day gift and card for him. She has never helped my kids do anything like that for me and im her daughter. She also paid for his new bathroom but has never done anything like that for me.

AIBU that this really hurts me?

OP posts:
Ralphinadress · 20/06/2026 18:30

He lost his wife! The kids lost their mother. You lost your sister and you are pissed off over your Mum helping them choose a card and a pressie for him? Cop yourself on.

Tiggermad · 20/06/2026 18:29

Your kids are old enough to get you a card now.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/06/2026 18:27

Ineedcoffee28 · 20/06/2026 18:22

Sorry it was the BIL i never got on with. I did get on with my sister.

Sorry I misread that part, but it’s still not relevant to the help they give to him and their grandsons

NoArmaniNoPunani · 20/06/2026 18:23

Yanbu. I'm widowed but I still get less help with my kids than my brothers do. I think there's a stereotype that men can't cope and women can. So we get pushed aside in favour of these 'helpless' men.

BudgetBuster · 20/06/2026 18:23

Your parents are filling in the role that your sister would have done.... your situation is completely different and not comparable.

Ineedcoffee28 · 20/06/2026 18:22

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/06/2026 18:19

Your situations are clearly different and he’s recently widowed so clearly it’s lovely that they are supporting him and their grandchildren whilst grieving for their daughter. Your only comment about your sister is that you didn’t ever get on with her, which isn’t even relevant. You are being unreasonable and selfish under the circumstances

Sorry it was the BIL i never got on with. I did get on with my sister.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/06/2026 18:19

Your situations are clearly different and he’s recently widowed so clearly it’s lovely that they are supporting him and their grandchildren whilst grieving for their daughter. Your only comment about your sister is that you didn’t ever get on with her, which isn’t even relevant. You are being unreasonable and selfish under the circumstances