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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect the adults to eat with us

217 replies

princesspadam · 20/06/2026 11:23

Happy to be told AIBU but this is driving me & DP crazy.

my DS (21) has a girlfriend and has now stopped eating with us as a family most of the time

either me or DP will cook every nite so there’s always a meal for both of them if they wanted it (they don’t)

him and his girlfriend sit upstairs and wait for dinner to be over, kitchen tidy, everything away, then come down and cook for themselves

this pisses DP off as we have an open plan living area and after dinner he will chill & watch tv but they’re cooking & talking & generally making mess / noise

AIBU to ask them to eat with us? Or eat out?

OP posts:
SilverPink · 20/06/2026 17:07

Lomonald · 20/06/2026 13:36

Ah i see the you eat too early crowd are in !

We’re usually eating dinner by 5 😳 we don’t want to eat late then go to bed a couple of hours later still digesting food!

Sidebeforeself · 20/06/2026 13:37

I cannot imagine saying to my own son that he cannot cook after a certain time. They are paying for their own food , and presumably clearing it away. If you are happy with her staying over so much I think this is part of it Im afraid.

Lomonald · 20/06/2026 13:36

Ah i see the you eat too early crowd are in !

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 20/06/2026 13:36

Is your dp always such a controlling arse?

They are adults. They don't have to eat with you. They are buying and cooking their own food, so set a rule around timings and move on.

I am gonna guess that dp is not ds's dad.

Lomonald · 20/06/2026 13:35

princesspadam · 20/06/2026 11:23

Happy to be told AIBU but this is driving me & DP crazy.

my DS (21) has a girlfriend and has now stopped eating with us as a family most of the time

either me or DP will cook every nite so there’s always a meal for both of them if they wanted it (they don’t)

him and his girlfriend sit upstairs and wait for dinner to be over, kitchen tidy, everything away, then come down and cook for themselves

this pisses DP off as we have an open plan living area and after dinner he will chill & watch tv but they’re cooking & talking & generally making mess / noise

AIBU to ask them to eat with us? Or eat out?

I would hate this, it is so bloody rude and a bit weird! Posters might come and say she might be introverted or something but your kitchen isn't a reasturant, and i would be having words with your son about it.

RVectensian · 20/06/2026 13:35

I don't know, if they're buying for themselves and tidying up after surely it is up to them when they cook and eat?

FWC2026 · 20/06/2026 13:33

LaurieFairyCake · 20/06/2026 13:24

Are they home before you? If so tell them they have to cook before you come home to cook for you two as you need to relax in the living room after.

this is not a big ask 😊

Well it is if they don't want to eat at toddler tea time.

Growlybear83 · 20/06/2026 13:31

Maybe they would be more inclined to have dinner with you if you didn’t eat so early?

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 20/06/2026 13:30

princesspadam · 20/06/2026 11:29

They buy their own food
she stays over about 4 nites a week which isn’t an issue she’s a lovely girl

Could it be that she's concerned that she's not contributing, so doesn't want to be eating your food?

If they're cooking anyway, might be worth suggesting they cook for everyone once a week or so so that she feels she's contributing to the family.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/06/2026 13:26

Or perhaps just your stuff dirty until after they’ve cooked and everyone clears up together?

6.30 is quite early for an all adult household to be fair

Whosthetabbynow · 20/06/2026 13:24

Leave em alone.

LaurieFairyCake · 20/06/2026 13:24

Are they home before you? If so tell them they have to cook before you come home to cook for you two as you need to relax in the living room after.

this is not a big ask 😊

AitkenDrum1970 · 20/06/2026 13:24

Night

windowslippers · 20/06/2026 13:22

i'm 30 and when I go and stay with my parents I eat separately

My parents never cook food I want and the kitchen gets too crowded if we all cook at the same time.

I don't just want to sit and watch them eat and I don't enjoy us all sitting together either. My parents tend to talk about politics and I don't like it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/06/2026 13:14

I think if they are/ he is living with you, then house rules are totally reasonable.

So no, they don’t have to eat with you, but you can say “the kitchen closes at x time, no cooking after that time”.

Ideally though you could all to be taking it in turns to cook for the whole household to make life easier.

LiteraryBambi · 20/06/2026 13:10

Are they on a high protein, lower calorie diet? Lots of young people are these days.

Or maybe your dinner time is a bit early and they prefer to eat at 8ish? I'd find 6.30 a bit too early.

If neither of those things, then I would suggest taking it in turns to cook!

Ethelspagetti · 20/06/2026 13:09

For me personally it’s my house so my rules. If they want to cook and make mess late at night then they can do that in their own place. I would actually say no more cooking in my kitchen. They are still welcome to eat with us though.

Tel12 · 20/06/2026 13:06

It's perfectly reasonable to set out some rules. It seems like they have all the benefits of your house without the hassle.

Unusualsuspects · 20/06/2026 12:58

So you have moved to a house sharing situation, or at least a lodger. In the same manner that if you had a lodger you would have house rules, you need to decide what yours are. He is an adult and that transition from young child, to teen, to young adult can become stuck when in the family home, so he also needs to see how his life progresses and accepting a new place in the household has evolved and is needed.

Tine to talk!

VividPinkTraybake · 20/06/2026 12:52

Few things show how out of touch the majority of mumsnet is than "they should just move out," as if it is so easy.

People are living with their parents longer and longer now and solutions need to be found that aren't just the pathetic cop out "my house, my rules."

backformoreofthesame · 20/06/2026 12:50

Well I’d be asking them to cook for everyone in that case

catmothertes1 · 20/06/2026 12:48

MissCooCooMcgoo · 20/06/2026 11:33

Awwww they're playing house. Annoying and eye-rolley for us but kinda cute no?

Don't you remember having a first love op?

Except,they are playing house in the OP's house!

Comewhatmay25 · 20/06/2026 12:20

I think eat as a family. It's not a hotel or cafe. Eat the mel being served or don't.

Boreded · 20/06/2026 12:18

It’s his home too, I think you are being unreasonable

Octavia64 · 20/06/2026 12:15

If they eat with you they have to be formal and on best behaviour.

i didn’t want to eat with my in laws - i did sometimes but it makes it into an occasion and very stressful, rather than just having dinner