To expect the adults to eat with us

My husband could have written this post!
The same happens in our house. It doesn't really bother me but it drives my hubby nuts.
They're both picky eaters so aren't keen on our food. They do clean up after themselves too.

Grown up version of a doll’s tea party? What a ridiculous thing to say.

sometimes they’ll be frying a steak & veg at 8pm …..then they eat & chat at the table …… then they clear up and wash their dishes so might be 9/9.30 before DP gets any peace..

Your open plan house is the problem, the decision to have that house is down to your and DP.. You can't forbid people from using it in the way it is intended just because your DP wants some "peace and quiet".

Maybe he should have thought about that before moving in with a woman with children, they do tend to want to exist after all.

No, it's his parents' house.

I often had to do this when staying with my PIL. I just got on with it, it was only a few days.

The issue is your open plan house not them wanting to cook for themselves.

That wasn't my experience. Everyone had so many different extra curricular activities in our house it was a rare occurence to have us all eating in the same place at the same time. plus all kids had flown the coup by the age of 18.

Whilst they are buying their own food, it's still your house/your rules to a degree. I don't think you can insist they eat with you, but you can insist they cook/clean up BEFORE you eat so that once you've eaten etc there is no disruption from the kitchen. That's a fair request imho. If they don't like it, they can choose to eat with you, eat out or even go and cook at the Girlfriends house.

I also can't help but think that this is a lot better than those adults living at home who just game all night, don't look for work, treat their parents like shit and live like parasites. It's a bit inconvenient but it's a sign that he's growing up into a responsible adult that can look after himself and collaborate with a partner.

So the moment they gain any independence, kick them out?

Who said anything about 10pm, though? I think everyone’s presuming that because they think that’s why the OP is annoyed as that would make sense. Nowhere does the OP mention the time though except to say that they wait until after they’ve eaten. They eat at 6:30pm though. If it was almost 4 hours later and approaching bedtime I’m pretty confident they would have said that. It could be as early as 7 - 7:30pm.

OP, what is the difference between the food you cook and the one they do?

Is it vastly different?

I don't get it what's your real complaint here? It's there food what's the problem so many posts on here about lady ass kids that do nothing I'd be happy my kid is helping out are you worried his not going to need his mummy anymore 😂 😂

I love any of my 3 boys being home, cook when they like with who they like
i am 55 and stayed at my mums for a week last year, I hated the obsession with not buying my own food/ cooking after her/ eating early/ obsession with food etc. I had it as a teenager and it made me really anxious

never want that to happen in my home

Why are you allowing this in your house???

@MerryUmberHedgehog

They are playing "homes". Like an almost grown up version of a dolls tea party!!

This is not how you talk about adults.

I imagine they think they a being considerate by keeping out of your way while you cook and eat with your partner. And then they take their turn to cook and eat together.

What does your son do when he’s not with his girlfriend? Do you eat as a family then or does he still cook for himself? What was the arrangement before the girlfriend stayed for 4 nights a week?

The options are to talk to your son, and maybe you can try and eat half an hour earlier so that they can cook earlier. I don’t think you can force them to not use the kitchen - when it gets to that point you just have to tell them it isn’t working.

But the open plan kitchen, dining and living areas are awful and you must have considered this when you bought or renovated the house.

I know it’s not the point of the thread but I really dislike this patronising “playing house” comment that is shot at young adults now. It’s so insulting.

They are literally just living their lives in a house.

The only way they can escape comments like this is if they visit each other for an hour each night and have their parents cook and clean for them. And that’s not going to happen on account of them being adults and not 14 year old teenagers.

I would rather they were not cooking in the only living space! It would be different if they could shut themselves in the kitchen.

If I had a stupid open plan house where you are all in literally one room for all the cooking, eating AND watching tv, then hell yes, I'd rather be relaxing in my bedroom until they finished cooking in the living room.

No! It's their house! Would you want to spend every evening in your bedroom while someone else relaxed in your living room?

They definitely shouldn't be expected to eat with you , but if they cook their own food. Tekk them that needs to be done before yours so you can relax x