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Original poster

Shall I go out on my own tonight

288 replies

Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 05:52

I have a hotel room booked for tonight, so that me & a friend can go to a club night. Unfortunately she has cried off sick & the hotel is already paid for & non refundable.
I'm not worried about the money, but I've got itchy feet & still want to go out dancing! None of my other friends can go at this short notice. Some people do go on their own & just dance & chat. I have never done this & I'm worried about looking/feeling weird & lonely.
The other dilemma is this. I've been chatting/flirting with a man for a while who will be there tonight. Last month he walked me back to the hotel & we had a few kisses. It was lovely so I asked if he'd be there tonight. At which point he said he would be, but he's in a relationship. Just for the record I'm not!
If I go on my own how am I going to look in front of him & his mates? A desperately lonely woman? Or will I look like a stalker to them? When I imagine myself there tonight I keep thinking of the dental receptionist in Only Fools & Horses who kept popping up everywhere after Del Boy broke off their date & got back with Raquel.
This makes me feel that I should not go to the club tonight. I won't look & feel like a stalker then; but why should I be the one to not go because a man has been a complete dick head? Shall I stay in or go on my own & hold my head up high?

OP posts:
HighHeelsRedLips · 20/06/2026 08:29

Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 08:17

Thsnk you. @HighHeelsRedLips seems to be rewriting my op. Obvious to me she's got nothing better to do on a Saturday morning than enjoy posting nonsense to try & deliberately wind up a op.
Ignore from now on would be my.best policy.

Show quote history

How am I rewriting g your thread? Go back and read your own original post:

I have a hotel room booked for tonight, so that me & a friend can go to a club night. Unfortunately she has cried off sick & the hotel is already paid for & non refundable.
I'm not worried about the money, but I've got itchy feet & still want to go out dancing! None of my other friends can go at this short notice. Some people do go on their own & just dance & chat. I have never done this & I'm worried about looking/feeling weird & lonely.
The other dilemma is this. I've been chatting/flirting with a man for a while who will be there tonight. Last month he walked me back to the hotel & we had a few kisses. It was lovely so I asked if he'd be there tonight. At which point he said he would be, but he's in a relationship. Just for the record I'm not!
If I go on my own how am I going to look in front of him & his mates? A desperately lonely woman? Or will I look like a stalker to them? When I imagine myself there tonight I keep thinking of the dental receptionist in Only Fools & Horses who kept popping up everywhere after Del Boy broke off their date & got back with Raquel.
This makes me feel that I should not go to the club tonight. I won't look & feel like a stalker then; but why should I be the one to not go because a man has been a complete dick head? Shall I stay in or go on my own & hold my head up high?

😂 Screams desperation!

I have got better things to do that keep responding to your nonsense. See ya! 👋 Crack on and have fun!

StrawberryMatchaLatte · 20/06/2026 08:28

Go if you really want to but bear in mind it he might think you're going for him and it could be awkward.

Ladybyrd · 20/06/2026 08:27

YANBU but I’d look at why you’re going. I suspect it is for this guy - what if he turns up with his girlfriend? If not then fine but it feels like you could be setting yourself up for a bad time. I’d stay in the hotel anyway.

Tepidwater · 20/06/2026 08:27

The way things going you’ll spend your Saturday night arguing about this on mumsnet

DidntLikeTheEnding · 20/06/2026 08:27

If you're referencing Only Fools and Horses you're clearly too old for all this shit!

KateSixer · 20/06/2026 08:27

Just go and have fun. Don't overthink it!

Original poster
Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 08:25

A671090 · 20/06/2026 08:10

You clearly say in your first post that you have been ‘chatting/flirting for a while now’.

This doesn’t imply a single instance where you met him, walked back to hotel and kissed, then found out he was in a relationship.

You also state that you go to this place every couple of months - yet you’ve made plans to go back presumably quite quickly to have agreed dates with this chap.

Personally I think this all sounds a bit premeditated!

I never implied it was a single instance of chatting/flirting. Doesn't matter how many times we've chatted, the fact is I did no know.
Yes, me & friend usually go every couple of months. It's expensive to go every month when it involves a hotel stay. However, me & friend fancied another night out tonight, so why not go to our favourite genre of music place? Do you think that after him telling me he was in a relationship that me & friend should have picked a different night out?

OP posts:
HighHeelsRedLips · 20/06/2026 08:23

tilypu · 20/06/2026 08:11

Stop making things up

Show quote history

You’re so right. It probably won’t put an end to the nonsense.

Ophy83 · 20/06/2026 08:22

Go. Have fun. Meet new people.

Steer clear of that man and his friends, who cares what they think? Unless it's a tiny club they may not even see you, or realise you are there alone

NeedyLimeMember · 20/06/2026 08:21

Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 08:17

Thsnk you. @HighHeelsRedLips seems to be rewriting my op. Obvious to me she's got nothing better to do on a Saturday morning than enjoy posting nonsense to try & deliberately wind up a op.
Ignore from now on would be my.best policy.

Show quote history

I know a lot of this thread has been very unhelpful OP. But are you any closer to deciding what to do with your evening?

MickyMoonshine · 20/06/2026 08:21

Cherrytree86 · 20/06/2026 08:18

Why not just have a cosy night in in front of the telly?
@Jammydodger70 in your Jim jams

Because she’d like to go out dancing 🤷‍♀️

BlakeTheBlackBird · 20/06/2026 08:21

In your last thread about this (you've name changed so I can't find it) you said your friend had decided to stop going to the club with you
I think this is a bit more pre meditated than you're making out

MickyMoonshine · 20/06/2026 08:20

Absolutely go @Jammydodger70
If the only reason you’re a bit anxious is because you’re worried about what the man you’ve mentioned will think then just go with the intention of keeping your distance.
Why should his shitty behaviour dictate whether you get to do something you enjoy or not?

NeedyLimeMember · 20/06/2026 08:20

Tepidwater · 20/06/2026 08:18

If the hotel is paid for… invite another friend and go to a different club tonight

She already said that none of her other friends are available.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/06/2026 08:19

Cherrytree86 · 20/06/2026 08:18

Why not just have a cosy night in in front of the telly?
@Jammydodger70 in your Jim jams

Because she wants to go out dancing?

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 20/06/2026 08:19

If you want to go, go. No one's business apart from your own. Why are you having arguments with strangers online about your Saturday night, which surely should just be about fun.

Tepidwater · 20/06/2026 08:18

If the hotel is paid for… invite another friend and go to a different club tonight

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/06/2026 08:18

I think you should go and just avoid him. You can tell him you’re not interested if he approaches you. You’ve already paid for this, if it’s crap or you don’t enjoy it, you can leave.

Cherrytree86 · 20/06/2026 08:18

Why not just have a cosy night in in front of the telly?
@Jammydodger70 in your Jim jams

Original poster
Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 08:17

tilypu · 20/06/2026 08:11

Stop making things up

Show quote history

Thsnk you. @HighHeelsRedLips seems to be rewriting my op. Obvious to me she's got nothing better to do on a Saturday morning than enjoy posting nonsense to try & deliberately wind up a op.
Ignore from now on would be my.best policy.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 20/06/2026 08:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Sorry for what you’ve been through but I’d advise you to start a different post in a different section of MN (think there’s an area which deals with post natal issues). Then you’ll get relevant answers to help you.

tilypu · 20/06/2026 08:13

A671090 · 20/06/2026 08:10

You clearly say in your first post that you have been ‘chatting/flirting for a while now’.

This doesn’t imply a single instance where you met him, walked back to hotel and kissed, then found out he was in a relationship.

You also state that you go to this place every couple of months - yet you’ve made plans to go back presumably quite quickly to have agreed dates with this chap.

Personally I think this all sounds a bit premeditated!

I was seeing a guy for three months before I discovered he was married.

It sure as hell was planned on his part. Not on mine.

So op was flirting with him for a while before she discovered he wasn't single. That's not ops fault!

HRHCurmudgeon · 20/06/2026 08:12

This thread is an extraordinary example of the differing levels of comprehension in MN.

Personally, I wouldn’t go OP. I think I’d feel too exposed and self conscious on this particular night - even though it’s clear that a) you only discovered he was in a relationship after kissing and b) have no interest in him.

All very clear from the OP.

Original poster
Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 08:12

HighHeelsRedLips · 20/06/2026 07:59

You sound very naive, nothing is ever your fault, you haven’t done anything wrong. Is that what you want to hear? You clearly like him but he's not available. Keep going to the places he and his mates go to because it’s not like there’s anywhere else to go out to a good time.

Show quote history

What the fuck have I actually done wrong here eh? I'm not a fucking mind reader, I don't have a crystal ball, so how the fuck was I supposed to know he was in a relationship.
I could go to another venue, but I like this venue for the genre of music. Why should I be the one to miss out on going because I feel I'll look like a stalker?
I think you're just reading what you want to, instead of what I've actually written. Other pp don't seem to have a problem understanding where I'm coming from. Is English not your first language.

OP posts:
tilypu · 20/06/2026 08:11

HighHeelsRedLips · 20/06/2026 08:10

Well OP is still visiting the place he goes go
like a puppy dog looking for scraps. Maybe next time he will be with his partner and that will put an end to this nonsense.

Show quote history

Stop making things up