Shall I go out on my own tonight

Oh is it the Northern Soul poster? Yeah commented on that thread, those days out are a hot bed of married men trying to relive their youth 😬

If you fancy going then I think go! As long as you don’t seek him out it’s clear you’re not looking for anything more with him so who cares what anyone thinks. He’s in the wrong here, I’d think it’s a good opportunity to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Enjoy!

No. Not unless you want to attract unsavoury types who will be looking out for someone alone such as yourself.

Go, have a wonderful time, dance your socks off. We only get one life and we spend far far too much of it over thinking what other people think of us.

In reality, flirty but attached man, his mates, everyone else there will have 99% of their own thoughts occupied with about what they look like/ what others are thinking of them! If anything thinks anything at all about you being there solo it'll be how confident you are.

If FBA man is there, acknowledge him but he seems to be flirting set him straight, you've gone off him now you know he's messing about behind his partner's back.

I completely believe that OP primarily wants a good night out. But instead of saying ‘I’m a bit put off because some married dickhead is pursuing me and it might be awkward’, this man and their history looms way too large in the post and therefore in OP’s thinking.

Pretty sure it's the same poster. Lots of use of '&' which is fairly distinctive

I've no issue with name changing but changing the details seems very disingenuous

Go out and have a great night, OP. A man can only tell you what to do/not do, if you let him.
You're perfectly at liberty to have fun with the dance circle amd not engage with him. Why should you waste money hiding in the hotel, eating a takeaway? How utterly dull.

It sounds to me like maybe the genre of music that the OP has mentioned a few times is something very specific, and that is important to her. When I was younger, my own fave genre of music was really important to me and I had a club like that where I felt I could find like-minded people - and when I was single it felt like the place I always wanted to be at, to potentially meet 'the one' as well as having fun with friends and seeing aquaintences there. It felt like part of a real 'scene' and felt more meaningful than a general more mainstream club.
If this is the case, then I understand why the OP doesn't want to miss the opportunity to go there.
OP, if you're truly not interested in that guy then my advice would be to go tonight, but totally avoid approaching him, and resist the temptation to even look over to check out him and his friends. If he approaches you then ok, tell him very briefly that you're disappointed by his behaviour. But only go there to dance, have fun and chat to others.

This thread is utterly depressing. Not the OP but all the weird judgey women who can’t imagine she just wants to go out and dance.
and also can’t read. The op was very clear that she was originally going with a friend (not to pick up men); didn’t know he was in a relationship when she was flirting; has made no effort to contact him since.

the saddest part is the number of people who don’t have enough imagination or joy in their hearts to understand that some women might literally just like music and dancing

Oh I read it wrong. I thought she said he WASN'T in a relationship. In that case @Jammydodger70 go but steer clear of the bloke who only wants sex.

💯 my interpretation too.

Oh OP. Last time, just a few days ago, you said you were in a relationship. Today you say you’re not.

You being in a relationship and still flirting / kissing / forming a ‘connection’ with this bloke at the club nights is not going to paint you in the innocent light you were claiming today.

So many of them do this! I agree - it’s not OP’s fault and certainly not if she’s caught feelings she’s now trying to make sense of.

If that's the same OP, then it's clear this man is the whole motivation behind all this. If he's a cheat, he'll cheat with anyone but I wouldn't be complicit in this. He's married with kids.

@Jammydodger70 I completely understood your OP and the timeline.

i don’t believe this man was telling you not to come on the next club night.

I believe he was telling you he’d be there but was in a relationship. I think he was doing this so you could decide whether to carry on. He is clearly fine with being a cheat, so he’s put the responsibility for the decision on what happens next on you.

You absolutely should not be put off going by him, but it’s worth being aware that, if you do talk to him while there, his dickbrain will tell him ‘well, I told her I’d be here but I’m in a relationship, yet here she is anyway chatting to me, so she must be okay with it and still want to carry on’.

This would put you in a very vulnerable place in terms of physical safety because you’ll be alone.

So I’d go, but blank him completely, and if he sidles up, tell him clearly you’re not interested and he must not speak to you again. Then enjoy being with other people you have met there before.

If you don’t think you can do that I’d give it a miss this time.

Never too old to dance @DidntLikeTheEnding!

@Jammydodger70 breathe…your replies are very defensive. Hope you had a nice night whatever you did.

This 👏

What? He's not in a position to tell anyone not to go dancing. If the OP wants to go dancing, she should go. He's the creep.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5542229-should-i-carry-on-going-to-these-nights-out?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

But @HighHeelsRedLips she isn’t saying she’s going in order TO SEE HIM which would come across as desperate. She’s worried about what other people would think of her.

To which I say unless Double Timing Darren has told his equally sleazy mates that he’s on a monthly Northern Soul club promise with some woman out of town - how would they even know he’s snogged her??

She’s projecting and should ignore the twat.

You’re giving mixed messages here. This guy is a prominent part of your original post, and it very much comes across as he’s part of the reason you’re so undecided whether to go or not. But then when posters are saying you need to stay away from him, shouldn’t go because of him etc, you’re being defensive saying “where have implied I want to see him again” etc. You obviously do otherwise you wouldn’t mention him.

Go to the club, have fun, but stay away from him.

Why so much emphasis on this man being there. Surely you are capable of enjoying your night without engaging with him. Whats wrong with just a casual 'Hi' and then move along if he approaches you.

All this 'I cant go because of a cheating man' is a smokescreen.
You know you are interested in him and think he is interested in you. You are aware he would cheat and you are putting yourself in the frame.

Why cant you go out and give him a polite 'No' if he tries it on. I suspect its because you would like him to otherwise why are you making such a fuss and drama about the possibility of seeing him.

Perhaps you will even find he is there and has another woman with him.

None of that ‘screams desperation’.
You’re just making things up. It’s weird.

I hope you go, Jammy!
Being yourself is always the best way anyway - you are going for yourself, not because of him.
He’s just an…addendum to the evening…haha. And, you might meet someone else!
Don’t worry about what they think 💃 🎶

Just go then.
Enjoy.