Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shall I go out on my own tonight

288 replies

Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 05:52

I have a hotel room booked for tonight, so that me & a friend can go to a club night. Unfortunately she has cried off sick & the hotel is already paid for & non refundable.
I'm not worried about the money, but I've got itchy feet & still want to go out dancing! None of my other friends can go at this short notice. Some people do go on their own & just dance & chat. I have never done this & I'm worried about looking/feeling weird & lonely.
The other dilemma is this. I've been chatting/flirting with a man for a while who will be there tonight. Last month he walked me back to the hotel & we had a few kisses. It was lovely so I asked if he'd be there tonight. At which point he said he would be, but he's in a relationship. Just for the record I'm not!
If I go on my own how am I going to look in front of him & his mates? A desperately lonely woman? Or will I look like a stalker to them? When I imagine myself there tonight I keep thinking of the dental receptionist in Only Fools & Horses who kept popping up everywhere after Del Boy broke off their date & got back with Raquel.
This makes me feel that I should not go to the club tonight. I won't look & feel like a stalker then; but why should I be the one to not go because a man has been a complete dick head? Shall I stay in or go on my own & hold my head up high?

OP posts:
ItsPickleRick · 20/06/2026 07:51

OP I think you should go!

There will be people there that you’re familiar with, and if you don’t enjoy it you can just leave.

Thechaseison71 · 20/06/2026 07:51

Tepidwater · 20/06/2026 06:15

Personally I wouldn’t!

I would run in the deepest hottest bath, order takeaway, buy a film and have an utterly indulgent night

Sounds totally boring to me instead of a night out Surely you can do that sort of stuff any time at home

EltonJohnsSunglasses · 20/06/2026 07:50

Tepidwater · 20/06/2026 06:15

Personally I wouldn’t!

I would run in the deepest hottest bath, order takeaway, buy a film and have an utterly indulgent night

this! Sounds like heaven!

PussyGaylore · 20/06/2026 07:49

If you don’t want to see him again, it doesn’t matter what he or his friends think.
Go and dance and have fun but be careful.

SapphireOpal · 20/06/2026 07:49

Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 06:21

I did not know he was in a relationship until after he'd kissed me. I thought that was obvious from my op.

Show quote history

It really wasn't.

NeedyLimeMember · 20/06/2026 07:49

Jeez there are some extremely bitchy thick people on this post. Sorry you're getting such a hard time OP.
I think as it's somewhere you go regularly and you'll sort-of know other people there, you should still go. Make sure you hold the boundary with the guy you kissed so he knows you're not interested anymore. And hopefully you'll find some other people to dance and have fun with!

Original poster
Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 07:49

HighHeelsRedLips · 20/06/2026 07:37

The other dilemma is this. I've been chatting/flirting with a man for a while who will be there tonight. Last month he walked me back to the hotel & we had a few kisses. It was lovely so I asked if he'd be there tonight. At which point he said he would be, but he's in a relationship. Just for the record I'm not!

If I go on my own how am I going to look in front of him & his mates? A desperately lonely woman? Or will I look like a stalker to them?

And yet of all the places you can go to, you knew where he was going to be and you’re asking if you should still go. More FOOL you. Call the man a dickhead but you’re not much better.

Show quote history

I have done nothing wrong here, so don't go telling me I'm no better. We kissed & I asked him if he'd be there BEFORE I knew he was in a relationship.
As for.all the places I could go to instead of the same club as him - this club plays a particular genre of music all night. I have not found anywhere else in this town that is going to play this music.
I don't.see why I should have to miss out on a good night when I've done nothing wrong.

OP posts:
tilypu · 20/06/2026 07:48

Tepidwater · 20/06/2026 07:43

If he’d wanted her to come he would not have chosen that moment to say “actually I’m in a relationship” when the op asked if he’d be going to the club!

Show quote history

But what he wants is irrelevant. Op doesn't want him, she just wants to go dancing.

Notquitethetruth · 20/06/2026 07:47

Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 06:21

I did not know he was in a relationship until after he'd kissed me. I thought that was obvious from my op.

Show quote history

Yes it was obvious. Yet another thread where some cannot even read the OP properly.
You go and enjoy yourself. You said others go alone so nothing different for you.
Why care about his friends. He's a sleazeball. Glad you found out what he was like.
Enjoy!!

HoraceCope · 20/06/2026 07:44

he is not the sole reason for her to go - in fact he is one of the reasons she doesnt want to go

SoScarletItWas · 20/06/2026 07:44

Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 07:29

Thank you. This is what I feel like deep down. I will feel better about going again, at a later date, when my friend is better. I was looking forward to going out, even on my own. It pisses me off that because of yet again another lying man, I don't feel like I'm able to.

Show quote history

Of course you can go.

If when he comes sniffing round, you say ‘Come off it Darren, you told me you’re in a relationship so back off’ and carry on dancing with other people.

You don’t have to let his presence stop you having fun. And you can’t look stalkerish if you keep your distance.

Tepidwater · 20/06/2026 07:43

HoraceCope · 20/06/2026 07:40

why is he telling her not to come?
he is admitting he is not available, that is all.
she goes there to dance, keep telling yourself that op.

If he’d wanted her to come he would not have chosen that moment to say “actually I’m in a relationship” when the op asked if he’d be going to the club!

LaurieFairyCake · 20/06/2026 07:42

Go and enjoy yourself. Just don’t drink. Lowers inhibitions Flowers

youre only young once (even if you’re not that young) 😊

Mumofyellows · 20/06/2026 07:41

Personally I wouldn’t go out on my own, but that’s because I’m super self conscious but if you would feel confident enough to do it then why not? You can always avoid said man, just don’t engage with him.

HoraceCope · 20/06/2026 07:40

why is he telling her not to come?
he is admitting he is not available, that is all.
she goes there to dance, keep telling yourself that op.

Tepidwater · 20/06/2026 07:39

Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 07:29

Thank you. This is what I feel like deep down. I will feel better about going again, at a later date, when my friend is better. I was looking forward to going out, even on my own. It pisses me off that because of yet again another lying man, I don't feel like I'm able to.

Show quote history

The pair of you kissed
you asked if he’d be at the club
he said yes and then confirmed in a relationship

he is telling you in a discrete way…. Do NOT come.

It is a pain because it means you miss out. But hey… missing out on one night in the big scheme of things isn’t the end of the world especially if you avoid drama

HelmholtzWatson · 20/06/2026 07:38

Just go. If you're not enjoying yourself, you can always leave and you have lost nothing.

As far as the guy goes, if he's not married, he's fair game. He will assume you're there to see him (and you probably are - the lady doth protest too much, methinks), so I doubt you'll be on your own for long.

HoraceCope · 20/06/2026 07:38

you dont go there for a relationship, you go there to dance
he was a big let down.
just ignore him

homebytheseanearme · 20/06/2026 07:37

You have done nothing wrong here op, you didn’t know he was in a relationship! I’d go and have a great time. If the cheating turd tries to approach you again say “No thanks, liars make my legs clamp shut. Fuck off”. Even he will understand that. Don’t let one duplicitous twat ruin your evening.

HighHeelsRedLips · 20/06/2026 07:37

Jammydodger70 · 20/06/2026 07:24

Erm, where does it say I was flirting & cheating with a man who I knew was in a relationship? If you read my op again, if indeed you have read it at all, you will see that he told me AFTER we had kissed 🙄
And no, my friend has not cancelled on me pretending to be sick. I have been to her house to check on her, so I know she is sick.

Show quote history

The other dilemma is this. I've been chatting/flirting with a man for a while who will be there tonight. Last month he walked me back to the hotel & we had a few kisses. It was lovely so I asked if he'd be there tonight. At which point he said he would be, but he's in a relationship. Just for the record I'm not!

If I go on my own how am I going to look in front of him & his mates? A desperately lonely woman? Or will I look like a stalker to them?

And yet of all the places you can go to, you knew where he was going to be and you’re asking if you should still go. More FOOL you. Call the man a dickhead but you’re not much better.

Cardamomandlemons · 20/06/2026 07:35

Go out, ignore him completely and have a fabulous time. You've done nothing wrong, don't hide away.

Alittlefrustrated · 20/06/2026 07:35

I don't agree that he's telling you not to go OP. He's basically setting up a no strings shag, in a "you knew what you were getting into" sort of way. Don't go.

Slave2Avocads · 20/06/2026 07:34

If you would like to go dancing, go dancing. Who gives a fuck if you are on your own? Live your life own life and be bold and brave. I’ve been to gigs on my own and a club night too. No one cares. Also it’s great that you will have people to chat to when you are there

tilypu · 20/06/2026 07:33

You'd only look desperate if you spent the evening mooning over him and trying to get his attention.

How big is the venue?

Trumptontown · 20/06/2026 07:32

OP, I don’t know why so many people on this thread are struggling with reading comprehension. They’re seeing what they want to see, not what you actually wrote.

Go out tonight and enjoy yourself.