When you are on your knees with busyness and someone starts on you with "I'm just sooooo busy" and you know actually they're definitely less busy

I used to be busy. Now I’m not. I work full time and have a child, but say no to anything I don’t want to do. I have a chronic illness that can knock me out for a few days at a time: so there are days where all I can manage is the bare minimum at work; and spending time with my child. I have a great DH who picks up the slack when I’m ill.

have a friend who is a single mum who drones incessantly about how busy she is. She only has her child 50% of the time, and she doesn’t work. But she’s a lot busier than me and has such a hard time

You start a new thread every single day @CurdinHenry

Maybe lay off mumsnet and you’ll have more time?

I don’t think I’ve ever been busy in my life. I’m glad because I’d hate that

The thing about busy people is that they often tend to be people who take on more. A full time job, a husband who works away and two children? It’s totally time to get a dog, have a baby or have your house knocked to bits!

I remember a friend (who is extremely nice but overloads herself with activities) saying that her daughter wanted mine to join her in activity XYZ - and being quite shocked when I said that, if anything, I wanted my daughter to drop an activity rather than take one on. I mean, she could have done XYZ but it was going to add to an already over scheduled child’s load so it wasn’t necessary.

@CurdinHenry sorry you are getting such a hard time. I agree.

I can wind back to an early December day in about 2008. I had a full-time job, was doing an MBA, two children at two schools in opposite directions. Workaholic husband, etc, etc. A mum of one of the other children came up to me, a SAHM with a DH who worked from home and shared drop offs/pick-ups with her, two DC at the same school. She told me how stressed she was with Christmas preparations and how she didn't know how she'd organose Chrostmas and get everything done. I managed to nod and smile outwardly, wants inwardly wanting to tell her to sort herself out. I had no difficulty organising Christmas.

Not to busy to start a thread on MN then OP?

So you’re the busiest. And no one else is allowed to contest your busiest crown?

It depends, imo, on whether they know how much busier the person they're complaining to is. If they know (and haven't just forgotten for a moment), YABU to despise them. That's a strong reaction. The only reason I'd despise someone for complaining about being busy would be if I know they know that I'm much busier and they're intentionally rubbing it in. Or if they're responsible for my greater workload, in some way.

Sometimes I feel more busy when I have less on due to overwhelm and worry, sometimes a busy life can feel under control and better. But yes technically some people can handle and complete vastly more tasks than others. On a good day I am one of them but I have learned that the reason I look down on those who are less busy is that I'm equating busyness with self worth and often using my own busyness to mask the deeper demands of my body and soul. My busyness is often a weird kind of demand avoidance, paradoxical as that sounds.

It's true.

The OP should learn that it's all actually relative.

Then she wouldn't despise anyone in the moment.

Same. My mother’s personality is busy. She’s never done saying how busy she is …. The reality is I’m pretty sure she’s had undiagnosed adhd her whole life and is wildly poor at time management

I used to be busy. 3 under 5 and five jobs. A cottage to renovate and a huge dog to train and walk. 600 guinea pigs (well, 11), cats and a big garden and pond to maintain. On my own.

I know what properly busy is.

Nowadays it's safe to say i'm less busy. But i still have 'busy' days.

It's not a competition, but it's like pain and injury though isn't it. Paramedics say they go to the quiet ones first because the ones yelling and moaning are probably fine ...

YANBU but I don’t despise them, I just inwardly roll my eyes and get on with my busy life 😆

Are you describing my work colleagues 🤣

I work 50-60 hours a week and have two primary dc so the full house to manage and schedules and clubs. My work is such that you are expected to respond all days, all the time I typically have shout 15 projects on the go at once.

And my neighbour tells me about how busy she is because she has to finish a novel AND pop to have a mooch round John Lewis before yoga today.

Lol I couldn't give a shit how busy someone else is compared to me.

It doesn't make me any less busy and I stopped playing top trumps when I left primary school.

“They win”??

Surely the person winning is the one managing to have a nice life without feeling insanely busy.

I actually agree OP. Particularly when your busy is actually non stop FT work/ childcare/ household chores/admin and then someone who’s a SAHM to teenagers will pipe up about their ultra tiring and busy day which is all hobby and lifestyle related activities like walking their dog.

My friend this this the other day. She told me that she was upset with me for not being in touch for 2 weeks or so, she knew I was busy, but she thought I was ignoring her. Sent as a VN

Then I replied, because I can be busy but I never just say I’m busy, I will say what’s going on, and in that time my child had surgery. So I was busy with that - which is a different kind of busy but the kind of busy that takes up all of your strength and brain space.

So whilst she was busy being typical busy that we all tend to be, especially when juggling lots. I wasn’t actually busy, as I took time off work, but I was occupied.

I think we have to acknowledge that everyone is busy in their own way - unless they tell you they are so bored and need something to do,

Is there a busyness rating? Like Top Trumps?

Maybe just take some things off your plate if being the busiest person around makes you so tetchy.

This thread is not a complaint

Ignore them. They will just take up more of your time you can’t spare.

Who do you despise?