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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU?

58 replies

MumOf2Here · 19/06/2026 12:33

I guess i’ll jump straight in.
AIBU to react this way?

My husband booked a weekend away for my birthday and a spa treatment.
They had a good offer on, so he also booked himself in too. Which i didnt mind at all and we had planned a dinner in the evening.

We are both quite conservative and come from a fairly religious background.
When we booked the treatment he requested a male masseuse for himself. I would never really see a male therapist and he would never see a female therapist.
On arrival we had the treatment, he went first.
The masseuse on my turn asked if i was with my husband to which i replied yes. she responded “i think i just did his massage before yours he looks like x y z and you make a beautiful couple” etc
She was the only massage therapist there that morning.

I was abit taken aback with the whole male/female booking thing.
When we got back to the room he asked how my massage was i said fine, yours? he said fine. I asked did they manage to get your male masseuse to which he replied yes.

I confronted him and he denied it at first until he realised she was the only therapist available tht morning.
He said something had gotten lost in translation and they didnt get the male masseuse and he just ended up going along with it.

He deflected and said your the one who said u kept wanting a spa treatment. next time book it urself.
So the blame shifting had started and he tried to put it on me.

I was upset and taken aback his inability to understand that he lied and then got caught and then lied saying oh the towel was on anyway. and then shifting to blaming it in me somehow.

Im actually really upset by the whole thing. Even if it is just a “massage” like my sister and friend have said.

I came out of a abusive and controlling relationship in the past and this feeling just triggered me somehow.

AIBU? please be kind and honest xx

OP posts:
MumOf2Here · 19/06/2026 12:55

middleagedandinarage · 19/06/2026 12:44

YABU to react like this imo and I assume your dh lied because he knew this is how you'd react if he told the truth. Would you be uncomfortable about him seeing a female doctor?

Your right, i guess that is the reason he didnt tell the truth Although i didnt over react x

OP posts:
MumOf2Here · 19/06/2026 12:54

Not at all
would never stop him from seeing female health professionals. also to be clear he is the one who set this “male/female” boundary should have made that more clear.

OP posts:
DirtyGertiefromno30 · 19/06/2026 12:48

I am not a bit surprised he lied to you @MumOf2Here.

Loulou4022 · 19/06/2026 12:45

So would you get cross if he saw a female doctor or had a prostate exam with a female nurse?
Personally this sounds a strange boundary.
After years of dealing with children I find if my reaction is calm and measured they will always tell me the truth, if they think I’m gonna get cross they lie! Men are very much the same!

BuffetTheDietSlayer · 19/06/2026 12:45

What’s the point of ruining a nice thing by getting upset about something so small? Is your life improved by being upset? Has it done anything positive for your relationship?

middleagedandinarage · 19/06/2026 12:44

YABU to react like this imo and I assume your dh lied because he knew this is how you'd react if he told the truth. Would you be uncomfortable about him seeing a female doctor?

MumOf2Here · 19/06/2026 12:42

Loulou4022 · 19/06/2026 12:39

Massage therapists are trained professionals so it shouldn’t really matter who you see. Did he lie because he knew how you’d react?

Tbh i didnt argue or over react i just asked the questions and he reacted more than me.
I know they are professional but when you base your marriage on certain boundaries and they are crossed it does leave a sour taste in your mouth. For me its more the lie.

OP posts:
Loulou4022 · 19/06/2026 12:39

Massage therapists are trained professionals so it shouldn’t really matter who you see. Did he lie because he knew how you’d react?