To not want to help out my great aunt

@TheHateUGive

The OP has said she doesn't want an inheritance.

There is also no certainty that the Great Aunt would leave her anything by way of inheritance anyway.

What inheritance you loon? First off the great aunt will spend all her money on care costs. And point B, why would the inheritance skip a generation to the OP who the great aunt probably wouldn't recognise if she was wheeled past her by her-paid-for-carer in the street

A two hour round trip every other day to do someone else’s’ housework ? Absolutely not. She needs pointing in the direction of her Local Authority to ask about a home help, or care services if she needs them. This is just not practical.

Can you just tell us what your culture is@TheHateUGive? So we can all learn from it

A lot of those cultures you venerate will “morally lag” behind us in their expectations placed on and treatment of women.

So your sneering is not required.

This is a Your Mother problem. Can't her and her aunt live together or something... perhaps a better long-term plan... I'm sure your mother will love it <sarcasm>

I mean she could. Or she could show some kindness and help her with what she needs help with. It depends what person she wants to be i guess. A lot of people are fine with abandoning elderly relatives.

Im saying since she will.lilely get money off of her, she might feel better if she does some caring when she is alive instead of just taking it when she dies.

OP could offer to pray for her great aunt, that would save her the two-hour round trip and be of some kind of help?

What is my fairly sexist culture?

What i think will be shitty is when the OP gets the inheritance and spends it on her family.

Yes in some cultures women have fewer rights, and are unable to go out of work and become financially independent, and have to look after older relatives whether they want to or not. I'm sure they don't need old people's homes in Afghanistan, but I'll take White British culture every day, thanks.

One person doing more of X so the other person can do more of Y isn't a contradiction. It's a way of splitting tasks. If you were less focused on getting things exactly 50/50 where you both do the same jobs the same amount of times, you might actually feel less overwhelmed and resentful.

I think that’s a fairly shitty value.

If your culture is so incredibly supportive, amazing and in every way better than white British culture, why are you not replying as to what this absolutely incredible culture is?
And I would LOVE to know if you live in England, surrounded by dirty white men with smelly arses, you must find that repugnant!!

Ok spare us the cultural supremacy nonsense. Nobody cares how things work in your culture. (And especially one tends to be fairly sexist expectations imposed on women.)

The Great - Aunt clearly does nor adhere to those values which is she has not seen her great niece in 8 years. And barely before that. Sauce for the goose and all that.

I see the usual “family values” debate is raging. As many others have pointed out, it was our grandmothers’s lot to not only look after all the children, but also any elderly infirm relatives, both their own and their husband’s.

But the world we live in now is different. There is the economic necessity which means that now most family must have both parents in full time work. But the other thing no one has mentioned yet is that infirmity used to (on average) be much shorter lived. People didn’t live as long full stop, and usually succumbed to their illness much quicker. We have a rapidly ageing population who are increasingly complex and comorbid. Caring for them becomes a full time job (and then some) which could go on for years.

Op - you have a mum problem. Offering up your services every other day without talking to you is wild. How would you even fit it in? How would you ever go on holiday? What happens if your circumstances change? What if your mother becomes unwell? Boggles the mind!

No i said that might happen in some cultures routinely..I'll add that sometimes it might be the best way for that couple to support the person who needs help by alleviating the need for one of them to work.

I get that this might make you angry that others get to have this kind of mutually supportive network, but making things up isnt the way to deal with that.⁸

Im sure the OP would be happy to pass on your details! She is a great aunt ie sister of a grandparent not an aunt. Not that that makes any difference if the OP doesnt want to she doesnt have to. The OPs DM cant volunteer her daughters time without her consent

I don’t think helping somebody out in the hope of getting cash is a value to be admired.

And OP is already swamped.

I think the rolling eyes were more focused on your mercenary attitude.