Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to help out my great aunt

283 replies

SooPanda · 19/06/2026 11:25

AIBU to not want to help out my great aunt.

My great aunt (GA) has no children and her husband sadly died last year. In their 80s. Live about an hour away from me, it’s not an easy drive either.

Before her husband died they rarely saw us. We send cards at holidays but I probably haven’t seen her in 8+ years and she speaks to my DM on the phone maybe once every few months but never took up offers for visits.

Recently has been speaking to my DM saying that she needs help round the house with housework, meals, laundry etc and basically moaning that DM won’t help her - DM has bad knees and bad breathing and no longer drives long distances (it’s further from hers than mine) so DM has now told me (yes told, not asked) that I should be going round to my GA’s house every other day to help her out.
I wfh part time and have children in secondary and primary schools and frankly, even if I could carve out the time to do this, I’m not sure I really want to?!
AIBU to say no?!

OP posts:
Error404FucksNotFound · 19/06/2026 11:29

If you cant, you cant. You need to tell your mum that you won't be doing it.

Redrosesposies · 19/06/2026 11:29

Just say no. You are not obliged to do this and your DM is being very unreasonable to even suggest it.
Your aunt can pay for a carer or cleaner. Meals on wheels is still available.

Oreosareawful · 19/06/2026 11:28

Good god no! This is not your responsibility!

She can get a cleaner or paid help. You have enough on your plate already.

RubyEspadrilles · 19/06/2026 11:28

Of course you can't do that, it is absolutely nonsensical to ask you.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 19/06/2026 11:28

You tell your mother you don’t have the time - you don’t. That if GA needs help, it will have to be paid for. I’m assuming your mother is going to inherit and perhaps that’s clouding the judgement when really GA probably needs to move into a care home near you or pay for a cleaner/housekeeper.

TheHateUGive · 19/06/2026 11:28

I'd do it. She's an old woman, your aunt, and she doesnt seem to have any other family. Plus as you know, she will likely leave you something.

PauliesWalnuts · 19/06/2026 11:28

Say no. I'd signpost her to external agencies, carers etc, but don't help. And I say that as a single, childless woman with no family who will be in your auntie's position one day!

Original poster
SooPanda · 19/06/2026 11:26

To add, this is not an inheritance one. I’m not bothered about her will, I barely know her.

OP posts: