AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

If say that in principle they can stay out as they like.

In a shared home people need to be conscious of other people's sleep. So a general curfew could be fine. If people need to get up to work and it will be disturbing, adults living at home need to be conscious of that.

But for this event I would probably make an exception. Going out with friends to celebrate finish school is kind of a one off event.

Its not that we're not arsed. I didnt sleep until DS got home the first few times he went out. But that was my issue and problem, not his to fix for me.

Unless you're not arsed where they are or what they're doing how would you sleep normally at the usual time.

Not worrying about someone who is out enjoying themselves is not rhe same as not being arsed about them. My parents were in a serious car crash when I was a child they didn't come home from their night out for months. I struggled massively with anxiety anytime anyone I loved was out. It was no way to live I couldn't stop people going out because I was worryng about them I had to work on my own anxiety and find ways to cope. Now that I have teenage dds going out I have to use the same strategies so I don't spiral and start catastrophising. You seem to be confusing worrying about someone with caring about someone, you can absolutely care about them without letting your anxieties spiral or curb their lives as part of your coping strategies

I don't know because I didn't stay home. Probably have been grounded. Would have definitely felt the disapproval. My father would have probably reacted more strongly. I never tried it out, so I have no idea. I was no longer at home.

My sibling was a bit smarter about it and just organised to 'stay at a friends'. Then did whatever she wanted. She also left home by 18 though, a year older than me.

What would have happened to adult you if you ignored a curfew?

God I would be annihilated physically if I couldn’t sleep unless they were at home! Especially when one worked in a restaurant with a late licence! We live in a safe city with lots of buses and relatively cheap Ubers.

Also hate to break it to the poster that said “once you go from 17 to 18 you can’t just do what you want” well actually legally you can! Within the law anyway.

Except I'm not arguing for it. I haven't done the same to my kids because I know how difficult it makes it socially. I'm just wondering how on earth people get away with ignoring a curfew because there is no way I'd have got away with it.

Feel for the past you. We had a really close friend in our group with the controlling/anxious type parents who had to be home at 12am and it didnt exactly ruin the night out but 2 of us had to leave the bar or club, and wait with her to get a taxi which was ages back then and it was just a total buzz kill. She picked up on this even though we werent nasty just a bit "urgh really?!" and gradually stopped hanging around with us

Take a wild guess which one of our group went off the rails when she started seeing a really rough guy and moved into his dingy flat after a few months just to have a bit of freedom and she was pregnant within months. I still see her and her parents around, they were actually nice people and pretty wealthy but they look like their lives are very different now, she looks like shes on crack being perfectly frank and her kids have now got DC themselves that they also had v young. A really sad butterfly effect type situation.

I also saw it with my DBro, my Dad was strict with him and he moved out as soon as he could meaning his life took a different direction to what could have been. I think thats why my parents treated me differently as they realised Dad pushed Dbro out and stunted his life chances.

Tbf thats probably why I feel really strongly about having to give grown DC freedom and trust, its no coincidence imo that the 2 people I know that were treated like little children ended up being very disadvantaged in later life.

I have 3 adult daughters , all very different personalities , abilities and interests.
After the age of 18 , no curfew for the older 2 but I’d expect to be kept updated as to where they were , who they were with and they needed to let me know of any change in plans just in case they needed to be picked up .
I would ask them to be respectful and come in quietly , not waking anyone else up .

Just let them go out and not worry about what time they have to be home, let them be adults!

They are going to uni soon let them prepare, because no doubt they will be going wild.

I don't see how that would be a thing. Unless you're not arsed where they are or what they're doing how would you sleep normally at the usual time.

Your conclusion completely undermines your argument. If you're parents imposing such a strict curfew and punishments contributed to you moving out at 17 to escape the curfew, it's not a great the endorsement for it, is it?

I never said stop giving a shit, I said you need to work on your own anxiety when they are out because staying awake until all hours waiting for them to come home is achieving nothing but a bad nights sleep.

No curfew, she would stay out all night. Clubs don't close until 4 and then wait for first bus home

Ah you're a long way off then, you might feel differently at the time.

It's something that won't change though will it? You won't suddenly stop giving a shit and be able to rest easy not knowing when DC will be home.

Yes. Or in my case they didn't necessarily want me to move out but wanted to keep control over me in a "my house my rules" way.

My parents insisted on a midnight curfew after I was 18. None of my friends had this and I hated it. I would stay at my friend's house at the weekend as often as I could (parents would moan "it feels like you dont want to be here". Erm, yes!) Then when I went to uni I went nuts with my new found freedom.

First uni summer holiday parents announced at Easter that there would be rules. I had to get a job and pay rent and there would still be a midnight curfew. I got a summer job with onsite accommodation (and freedom) and didn't come home. After graduation I never lived at home again, I knew it would just be rules, rules, rules.

Sorry about the rant. I feel better now!

I came home when I wanted to at 18. It wasn’t a great lifestyle, lots of time spent on drama and alcohol, young men, experiencing unnecessary lessons.
It is normal for a lot of 18 year old young adults. I personally wouldn’t like my daughter to be doing it, she’s nearly 18 but not interested in clubbing or alcohol, thankfully.
As yours are already interested I’d prefer them to leave when the group is leaving, safety in numbers.

But that is a you problem not a her problem. I worry too about my kids and don't fully rest until they are through the door, but that is something I need to work on and that does not include curtailing their freedom.

and make myself exhausted in the process.
Yes you are making yourself exhausted that is not your daughters problem to fix

I understand your anxieties, being only a few years past this point with mine, but, yes, you have to let them go. Arbitrarily saying, eg 2am, would be ridiculous. The same things you fear that might happen after 2am could also happen before then! You are lucky in having twins as presumably they will travel together as well as look after each other. Plus it sounds like they'll be in a group. If 'something' happens (highly unlikely) there will be others to look after them. It gets easier over time and I even stopped waking up in the small hours to check messages etc.

I’ve got a 17 year old boy in first year of alevels and he doesn’t have a curfew if he goes out, I want him to have fun not to be clock watching so he’s home on time. He is sensible and so far hasn’t given me any reason to give him a curfew, I don’t sleep properly until he is home but I will get into bed and try to sleep. It’s not his fault!

Mine is older now, but post A levels - let me know where he was and how he was getting home, or if he was staying at a friend's house. Otherwise, free rein - he was an adult and knew to be quiet if coming home late.

At the end of the day I’m 14 years and 18 years practically until im in this situation. I’m just going off what I believe i would do and also what my mum did. My mum was in her mid 40s when I turned 18 and she was our sometimes when I was, sometimes we went out together sometimes she wasn’t and then if she wasn’t out I’d just be expected to be quiet most likely my mum was awake but never made me feel bad apart from the time I came in really loud on Christmas Eve and woke my stepdad and siblings but we laugh about it now. I just wouldn’t be able to make my child feel guilty for having a life exhausting or not

If they are post A levels I assume that they are off to university in three months time where they'll be able to stay out as late as they like and come and go as they please with whoever they want to be with.
You might as well get used to it now.

If your children are going to uni I would feel more reassured that they'd had a 'practise' of making decisions without a curfew while you are there as backup, rather than suddenly having freedom in a new town and with no safety net after being very restricted.