AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

I can rest because I know she is with her friends in a group, and she isn't doing something stupid like trying to make her way home by herself at night.
She does also have life 360 on her phone so I know vaguely where she is.

I just can't imagine being able to do that.

Absolutely not. I have told my 18yr old she needs to stay with the rest of the group and not attempt to wonder off by herself in order to make me happy. It's always safer to be with the rest of the group. We do have life 360 on our phones so I have some vague idea but I mainly had that for when she started driving,

It’s pretty offensive to infer those of us that don’t sit up waiting until our 18 plus offspring are home are crap uncaring mothers 🙄.

Also frankly if god forbid something did happen you being awake in another place isn’t going to help is it?

I dont rest easy no, its definitely broken sleep. But its not every night and as I say, as the parent and the more mature one, I dont expect him to fix my problem for me.

Because they are not a child, they are a young adult. And because I trust them, know who they are with and that they are not out joy riding or taking drugs.

Nobody I know is awake worrying all night every time a child goes out. My 20 year old and 18 year old were out last Saturday watching the Scotland game which didn't finish until 4am, there is no way I'm lying awake waiting for them to get in until 4.30am.

My father had a reply for that. "I trust you, it's other people I don't trust." Which is really not trusting us to be able to handle situations.

Yes but that doesn't stop it happening.

My father, who was probably the most anxious parent this planet has ever seen, laughed when I told him I was doing something he totally disapproved of and said it wasn't his problem now. So they can learn to let go.

Haven't even thought about moving out yet!

I remember getting in from a night out at 7am as mum was getting up for work, stumbled past her nearly knocking her out with my Aftershock breath and slept until about 7pm then did it all again. Good times.

Nope not sure how you've taken that from my replies. Just curious how anyone could rest and sleep easily and normally not knowing where their child is and when they'll be home? And does anyone actually do this or do they just stay up and worry.

Thank you

I just don't see how anyone can rest easy and as normal until their DC is home safe.
It isn't easy I don't always achieve it but I just have to do my breathwork exercises and remind myself that me worrying about them and not sleeping is not going to make any difference to whether they are safe or not. I do have my phone on when they are out and they know they can call me if they need to but you have to work at letting go. Ask yourself is my worry and lack of sleep making any difference to their safety?

Mine didn’t have a curfew at 18.

I don’t sleep particularly well when they’re out, but that’s my problem and not theirs. As long as they’re quiet and respectful when they come in, they can come in whenever they like.

DD1 went to uni and has now moved out with her boyfriend, I have absolutely no idea what she’s doing or what time she gets home from a night out. DD2 is now at uni, again, I have absolutely no idea what she’s doing or what time she gets home from a night out. I’d prefer them all tucked up safe at home, but they’re adults and need to crack on with their lives.

Midnight 😂😂 most clubs don’t open until 11!!
Mine rolls in at all hours, often as the sun is coming up.

They are adults now but I do understand why you are worried, make sure to discuss safe drinking and ask how they are getting home and their plans just so you have an idea of where they are .

But cant you see thats not the DC fault or problem? Its really not fair for our anxieties to impact our family.

Will you ever sleep again when they move out?!

Completely agree. My eldest is 21 and has left home but we had a more relaxed approach. Basically no real curfew after 16 but he would let us know where he was. After 18 we wouldn't ask but he'd usually volunteer the info which was nice. Any house rules were based on courtesy (i.e. no banging around loudly at night or leaving the kitchen in a mess) rather than control.

I'm not a perfect parent but it seems to have gone all right. We are much closer to him and on much better terms than I was with my parents so hopefully the balance has paid off. Our youngest is a girl (12) so I've still got the teenage girl years to navigate so I can't put a smug face on yet haha.

Rubbish. You are trying to make out that because you are over-anxious and wait up for your daughter to come home that you are more caring, or love her more than those of us who are more relaxed.

It's not about being "not arsed". It's about trusting your child/adult that you as a parent have brought them up to be responsible and make good choices. Yes you ask them what their plans are, what time they expect to be back or to let you know if plans change. Or you put emergency money on a taxi app so they can get home. And have the talk about making sure you're not walking alone at 3am. But no, I don't need to know where my 20 year old or 18 year old is at every second of the day. Because I TRUST them.

Our rules at that sort of age were,

1. Let us know if you’re going to be very late or are staying the night at a friend’s house, otherwise I’ll be lying awake worrying.
2. Take a door key!!! Dd1 in particular was notorious for forgetting, and phoning to ask us to leave a key under the mat - about the first place burglars look.

Do you mean you now rest easy and sleep as normal even though he isn't home or you still won't sleep until he is home?

That is absolutely awful and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just don't see how anyone can rest easy and as normal until their DC is home safe.

Actually, to add to my previous reply to you, there was one time I'd been tired and got home at 9.30pm. I went straight to bed so my father didn't hear me come home. He lay awake all night listening for me. In the morning he yelled at me about 'what time did you come home' and was quite aggressive. Didn't believe my answer. My mother was around so tamed him a bit. Not sure what would have happened otherwise.

My DD turned 18 in May, she has no curfew. I just ask her to be quiet when she gets home and not wake anyone up. Of course I always hear her getting in as I can't sleep until I know she is home.