AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

Just to add..no I wouldn’t be ok with her just coming back the next day without me knowing what she was up to.

No curfews here. But we do have a rule that they have to send a WhatsApp to tell me they're home safe. If I don't see one in the morning when I wake up, then I go in to their room to check for myself.

I've only had to check myself twice. Now they always remember to WhatsApp.

So how do you cope with not sleeping at all until shes home safe when shes away on holiday and stays out overnight (sorry I can't use "sleepover" when talking about an adult woman 😂).

Another lone parent here. As others have said - no curfew here at 18, just be respectful that people are sleeping when you get in, stay with your friends when out, and always let me know if plans change so I don’t worry… plus ‘if you are working the next day then you already know it’s not a good idea to stay out too late’ etc. They will take this advice or not.

My 18 year old is currently away travelling in South America with friends as could yours be if she wanted to. What would you do then?

There is no point going to a club that gets going at 12 if they have to be home by then.

I do understand that this is a different type of parenting but I would assume you have been gradually loosening the reins for the last couple of years? We are more like friends now with one friend relying on the other way more than the other for cooking, advice and sorting out life problems!

No it's OK, she does plenty and goes out plenty. She works, goes to college, is learning to drive, has a boyfriend and a friend group, goes out to all different places day and night, has sleepovers, goes on holiday etc. I just have house rules and she just doesn't get to take the piss, don't worry I don't lock her in a box 😂

Welcome to the nightmare world of having young adult kids OP!

There are no “rules” as such. Some parents seem able to impose a curfew, and their kids adhere to it, but I’ve never been able to. DS (now 20) wants to do what his friends are doing, and if that means staying out till 5am, then that’s what he wants to do. It would feel wrong for me to insist he comes home hours earlier. I have conditions of course - he has to be quiet when he comes in, lock up of course, not crash around making food etc.

Obviously I have a cut off time for giving lifts. If he wants me to pick him up from somewhere then I’ll only do that up to about midnight (or earlier if I’m tired), so after that he has to pay for a taxi.

It’s not fun. I still don’t sleep well when he’s out. And actually I sleep better when he’s away at uni compared to when he’s out at home, because I’m not expecting him back.

I genuinely do feel for you, it is so hard letting go but unless you both have a very dependent relationship where your DD doesnt actually want to grow up and go out into the world and she wants to stay cocooned then you really are in for a world of upset when she does start to challenge you on this. I just hope she just doesnt have her opportunities in life limited if she does decide to cut the apron strings before she should have needed to.

If they can vote, they can come home at what time they like.

Yeah if they want to stay until 5am it should be the group or at least split into smaller groups but never by yourself. That is the way I was brought up.

Oh bless you. Mine didn’t/don't have a curfew (they’re a bit older than your girls) but I did have a rule that they let me know if plans changed and they were staying with friends instead, or if I was expecting them at say 11pm and then they decided to head into town or something. Just a text. Even if I was asleep, I’d see it in the morning. That was about it though.

Most are over 18 and always have been

So if your daughter is at home until, say, 30 - not unusual in today’s climate - will she still have a curfew?!

Not sure, that's what a comment on here said. She's absolutely fine, she gets out all the time and doesn't need an intervention 😂

Does she have a phone? If so why would it be without a word?

I just think youre setting yourself and her up for a lot of issues. She wont be happy with your restrictions that come as a result of your own problems for long no matter how much you want to believe thats not true. Something will have to give so your DD can develop and mature normally.

Of course no curfew at 18. I would ask them to be quiet (but not so quiet that I didn't know they were home!) and particularly earlier in the week (worknights) or when he had early starts, I would ask him to be respectful and bear it in mind.

If lifts were needed, that's a different story, I want to know when and where and would prefer something else arranged if it was going to be 5 am.

I'm another who doesn't sleep well when they are out, but I know that's my problem, I still worry when DH is out and I don't curfew him.

It's interesting that some people above think that imposing curfews mean that you want them to move out. I think there is some truth in that. People want to control the others in their household "my house my rules" and that's a tough environment for the controlled.

When i was 18 and first started going out I regularly came in at 6am /7am

Why would it be without a word? I always let my parents know what time I would be home, it just happened to be maybe 3am. I often would say 3am and be home way before

i was living away at college at 17 and no curfew there.
because my parents were so relaxed, I probably shared more than I would have if they hadn’t been. So they met my friends at college, I shared photos of nights out, rang before a night out to say where I’m going and would text the next day too

That is a good point as well

By insisting they come home at a certain time, means she’ll likely be separated from the rest of her friends and have to make her way home by herself

I’d much rather they all stick together and travel home as a group, even if that does mean coming in at 5am.

I never had curfews for mine. We had case by case discussions, and an expectation that they would let me know what their plans were. Particularly if plans changed.

No curfew here, I just like to know if they are staying out all night - so I will get ‘a staying at xxx’s house, see you whenever!’ text.

No curfew. But I’d ask if they could give you an approximate time, a plan on how they will get home, and a heads up if staying over at a friends etc.

No curfew at all no - just tell you want their plans are, eg coming home or staying at a friend, that's it.

Once you allow them out past pub closing honestly any other time of night is just as safe/unsafe. In fact may well be safer coming home at a light 4am in summer than midnight anytime, for example

I thought nightclubs were for over 21s

YABVU to expect them to be home from a club at midnight - and they're 18 and it's just after A Levels, they're going to want to celebrate with their friends. I think let them go out and have fun - better that they get some experience doing it now while they're coming home to you than their first weeks of uni!

She doesn't want to go to uni (didn't even get good GCSE's). She does go out, she has a good social life, she goes to college/work and has a boyfriend. I just don't allow her to take the piss (a comment on here said their DC stays out until 5am without a word) and I have rules, 18 or not which she understands and respects. That's it.