AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

Nothing winds me up more than the expression adult kids!! Oh im taking the kids on holiday and paying(the kids are 25), the kids are sharing a taxi so they dont have to pay(the kids are 26 yes they do have to pay), what time do i tell my adult kids to come home!! They are adults they have worked hard in their exams they can come home whenever they want, and the one that really winds me up oh but theyre kids they dont need to work or pay rent....back in the day you had a paper round at 12 and a job in a shop at 16 and left home at 18 and got a proper job,

I’m finding having a ring doorbell quite handy for this stage of parenting (16 and 18).

They know they have to let me know what are are doing (16 Year old has a curfew but sometimes later than I want to go to bed) but if they forget and I wake up in a blind panic at 3am wondering if they got home ok I don’t need to get out of bed to see that they did.

My twins aren’t 18 until next month they were at their prom and then a house party until 5 this morning. They have a key and must have been very quiet as I never even heard them come home. At 18 as long as they are respectful if getting home then I wouldn’t have an issue

18 year old son here & I understand the worry & lack of sleep. Our arrangement is we have life 360 so I can see where he is & if he's staying out all night he texts me to let me know. If he is coming home I go to sleep at my usual 10pm & he has to wake me when he gets in to say he is safe (& then I seem to properly sleep if that makes sense). I do wonder how long he'll be happy with the life 360 arrangement though & obviously that's up to him but he does track me on it & had actually text me before to ask what time I'm coming home!

No curfew needed but they just need to be respectful and quiet when they return home

That’s fair enough!

No curfew, just respectful behaviour. They don’t get to come in banging and shouting in the middle of the night for example, and they should courtesy text to give you an idea of when they would expect to be home, but they’re adults so they don’t have curfew.

No, I wouldn’t be giving 18 year olds a curfew and I definitely would not be causing them to miss out on clubbing! It’s a rite of passage is it not? Kids younger than that are staying away at Uni and doing exactly as they please.
Obviously you can put some expectations in place- please be quiet and respectful of the rest of the household when you come in, you won’t be waking up at 5am to pay their taxi if they run out of money, no overnight guests, and for goodness sake lock the door behind you!

They can just share a link of the journey to you via text, if they want to.

No need for them to have to as adults take pictures of number plates christ

Realistically, midnight's too early; a midnight curfew is tantamount to banning them from going clubbing in the first place. My clubbing days are behind me now but we'd typically leave the club at chucking out time and walk home (about ¾ of an hour). This meant getting in around 3am, but there were (and still are) clubs locally that stayed open later than the ones we used to frequent. It's up to you; it's your house and they're your kids, but 5am doesn't sound unfeasibly late to be getting home in that context. After all, it's not like they've got school in the morning ;)

YANBU to worry but they are adults and need a bit of trust ànd independence. Mine (22 and 18) sometimes come home around 3 or 4 but we have agreed rules. They always tell me their plan and stick to it (who they will be with and who is coming home with them or where they'll be sleeping. Never leave anyone alone). Phone has full charge. They also send me a message when they're home/back at friends. That way if I wake up, I know if they're home or not.

No curfew but rules and boundaries
no making noise coming home waking up the family/neighbours
no bringing anyone home for the night
etc

Also had an 18 year girl go off backpacking with a pal independently to an edgy part of the world so my sympathy for those anxious about their offspring in a local club is limited!

Exactly. But then again this is a website where plenty of grown women want to restrict their husbands because they “can’t sleep alone”.

I leave the porch light on because ds is very quiet coming home so I don't always hear him. The light can be seen faintly in our bedroom so when it goes off I know he's home. Never had a curfew because I trust him and he's an always been sensible. You definitely shouldn't be giving an adult a curfew.

This is lovely! Me too, I miss those days but it’s lovely seeing them all go out into the world.

I can’t imagine having a curfew for my 18 year old or telling them they need to move out if they come home late and I might wake up, to me it’s part of having kids the way they woke you when they were little, obviously they need to try to be respectful but I would never tell them to move out or be back for midnight, I love that they’re having fun and feeling like this is their home

my Parents said midnight during the week (mostly so we didn’t wake them up) but nothing on the weekend! Was mostly always about us being loud or cooking at 4am though 😂

Seeing as Labour want to allow 16 year olds to vote, how does that sit with that comment? 😀

Personally I would want a text when they are leaving the nightclub telling me how they are getting home, ie a picture of the taxi/uber licence plate and the licence the driver has to display. Then I would allow them to come home whenever, I would also want a text if they are changing plans and going to someone else’s home, with an address. Just because of the whole Worbouys situation.

Also there would be merry hell if they woke me up coming in. I need my sleep.

I've had three teenagers. The first one stretched my boundaries even at 15.
Best thing to do at 18 is to not set a curfew but rules about no one coming back with them without permission and being quiet when they entre the house. I would also arrange for a safe word or sentence so that if they ever get in a position where they are not comfortable they can call you and say the safe phrase so you know to go get them immediately.

I would say 3 am seems reasonable, however encourage them to make sensible decisions themselves as they need to learn empowerment rather than rebellion. Also worth considering they are fact still kids in terms of brain development till 25, so they do need to have that closeness and connection with their parent(s) to help them consider their actions and how to stay safe particularly as a female and to enable them to make good choices while they are out so they keep safe. I told my mum nothing as I knew she’d go mad about anything and everything which just makes things much worse.

I find “curfews” on adults quite sinister. Especially girls. Afghanistan vibes.

I've got an 18y/o who's just finished exams. The only thing I ask is that he locks the front door and doesn't wake me up. And maybe to drop me a message if he goes out so I don't worry, but I don't mind if he forgets. He'll be away at uni soon and I won't know what he's up to anyway.

i thought it was a teenage rite of passage. Sneaking in when every stair sounds like an elephant is treading on it. Tiptoeing past your parent’s room to here your dad say ‘what time do you think this is young lady’ 😂