AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

Once my eldest had finished A levels (wasn't 18 until the August), there was no curfew. However...he has to respect the rest of the house. I always wanted to know where he was going and expected time home. He was asked to text when he was in a taxi and if there was any difficulty getting a taxi, he would ring us rather than get in a car with someone who had been drinking / drugs.

Mine is 17 he hasn't had a weekend or holiday curfew since GCSEs. He is often home after 2am. It's never been 4am, but as long as he texts me to say he's home I'm fine with that. If I wake up in the night I like to know he's home.

You'll need to sleep eventually though, just go to bed, make sure she has a key and knows where the spare is, ensure she has a plan for getting home that's safe and then trust her. Its scary but it's necessary......

I used to stay until the clubs shut at 6am and then get a takeaway. I just had to leave a note on the table when I got home to say I was back if my parents weren’t already up.

I know my kids would be out of here and not have the best relationship with me if I was like that. I love them staying here and know it won’t be long before they’re off so willing to maybe be woken up(which rarely happens) knowing they’ve had a good night and home safe

Jesus's let them live their lives they go mad for a while then once its out of their system they calm down. I allow is very controlling they are now adults and all you will do is drive them out quicker.

It's part of being a parent of adult children.
I tried very hard not to pass my anxiety onto my children or let it restrict their social lives. Because my mother in law's anxiety affected my husband when he was growing up.
I worried, couldn't relax and I didn't sleep well until they came home but accepted that was my problem not their's.

Thing is with that is it will drive them away. They'll choose to sleep over s mates or get a cheap hotel which is sometimes cheaper than a taxi respect works both ways I respect they are adults snd want to enjoy life and they respect being quiet when getting home. One day you wont hear the slam of the door at 4am and the drunken giggling as they crawl up the stairs and you will actually miss it.

Adults don't need curfews and thats what they are adults if you enforce strict boundaries they will go absolutely wild at Uni when the freedom finally kicks in. So long as theres a text now and again you just have to let them go. Weve all laid awake at night worrying if theyre ok its just part of being a parent of a teen

They are adults , A levels are over. Midnight is a very unreasonable time for someone to get home after a night club!
Make sure they arrange to get home safely and that they have their keys and leave them to it.
My children are grown up now with family of their own but that's the attitude we took when they were that age. I couldn't sleep properly until I heard them come in but that was my problem not their's.

I’d left home by 18.
at 18 they can get married without parental consent, join the army, you ca’t impose a curfew!

what you can do is ask them to keep you informed about when they will be back, any change of plans etc.

Ffs curfew for an adult.
I was on a different thread and some are saying you cant leave a 16 year old on their own.
Now curfews for adults.

I mean this kindly some parents need to do so parenting classes.
Cut the apron strings early.
This is why many kids still live at home because they dont know what independence is, mummy and daddy will deal with it.

As a compromise would you not get her to put her phone location on and maybe text you at certain times instead? I think it’s a bit unfair and embarrassing to have curfews on adults. You don’t need to wait up at all, tell her to let you know when she’s home aswell as location and texts. Nights out only get fun in the early hours at that age and if you’re making her come home by 12am or whatever your time is set at it’s a bit OTT. They get bored of clubbing too early these days, let her enjoy it while her friends are because by the time she moves out away from you (and you’ll have absolutely no idea where she is) they’ll all have got past the fun nights out stage and she’ll have missed out.

i would much rather my kid got used to going out drinking whilst they lived at home and I can keep an eye one them than waiting until they go to uni with no supervision!

Right.

But that poster isn't running a borstal. I want my adult offspring to enjoy their lives and a good time. I have no desire to tell them that they can't do ordinary things that they want to do because they are still living in my house.

Going out to a nightclub is a perfectly normal thing that 18-year-olds should be doing after they finish their A-levels. It's not starting a meth lab.

Maybe it comes down to making sure that when you're bringing up your children, you don't do a bad job of it.

I like mine.

It's not everyone's cup of tea but works for our family. We've used it since my son was 16 & having to get 2 buses to college & we've just kept it, he is very welcome to take himself off it. I only check it when I go to bed at 10pm & if he is out & I check it when I wake in the night if he's still out. It doesn't cause me any anxiety & it means he doesn't feel he has to text me to say where he is & what time he is coming home, my only rule is he has to text to let me know if he is not coming home. As I said it works for us.

A curfew? At 18? When I was 18 I had a two year old and didn’t live with my parents

I never had a curfew but my mum did always ask me for a rough time she could expect me home, only because as she put it, if she woke up after that time and I wasn't back, she would call the police and have them look for me. It was pre-tracking apps and stuff so it was her peace of mind.

She never actually minded what time I came in, on more than one occasion I texted her while out to give her a new (later) time if I was enjoying myself. Sometimes that new time was waaaaaay into the following morning!

I think since they live in your house its a courtesy to give an idea of when they might be back, especially as girls if you're worried about their safety etc.

But as for an actual curfew or you stipulating a time they must be back, they are adults I'm afraid.

I know they can do what they like at uni, but as their parent surely you want your home to be an inviting safe place they enjoy returning to, which might be affected if they don't feel they have freedom there now.

I find this tracking really weird. They’re adults - why should they be surveilled? Or even know where you are, for that matter. At what point does the tracking end? When we were young we didn’t even have mobiles and parents coped. LIfe360 also massively increases parental anxiety, if nothing else

They’re still living in her house

I have DD21 and DD18, no curfews here. Eldest is at uni but stays here in holidays. They’re adults. I only ask where they’re going and whether they’re in for meals.

I have a 21 year old and a just turned 18 year old. In my opinion, they are adults now so we dont have a curfew time BUT we have rules. They dont go clubbing and dont drink through their own choices as big into cars. The 18 year old goes to his friends houses and comes home after Im in bed. His car is so loud I should hear him coming home BUT he comes home very quietly and then texts me to say he is home and door locked, so when I wake in the night I know he is safe. 9 times out of 10 the 21 year old is still up when the 18 year old gets in. The 21 year old does exactly the same if he is out late. So, no curfew BUT be respectful coming home.

I would rather mine were concentrating on what’s happening around them than texting me and taking photos.

Obviously you also text your parents when you leave places and take a photo of licence plates so you must think it’s not a distraction.

No curfew! And midnight won’t work for clubbing. But I have other rules - always get a taxi after midnight or when drunk. If female, never travel alone - invite your friends to ours afterwards is safer. Make sure your phone has charge. Ring me if there’s a problem and come in quietly at 4am or I will get cross 🥹

You can't give an adult a curfew. I was out clubbing till it closed at 3.30 and went home changed and in work by 6 am