AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

You absolutely can not put a curfew on your fully grown, adult children. Come on now. How embarrassing for them. Just get them to text you a code word every few hours if you’re that worried. I did this for my mum when I first started clubbing but that phased out very quickly as was too busy having a good time!

OP, you can't set a curfew of midnight for an 18 year old.

I wouldn't set a curfew, but there would be some ground rules. Let me know where you are going and a rough expected time home. If plans change, send a text. So, if mine said out with a friend until about 1 and decided to sleep over, then I'd wake to a text telling me the change of plans. I wouldn't be left worrying at the sight of an extra bed.

I also insisted on the phone number of at least one other friend who would be with them. Mine weren't thrilled with this, but I promised never to call unless it was an emergency and I'd tried contacting them first. eventually they would give me a name and number without complaint, and I'm happy to say that I never needed to call anyone on the emergency list.

On the bright side, with twins, it sounds like they will most likely be staying together and so they won't be travelling home alone.

You really do need to get used to this while they're still at home and before they go to uni. Mine all knew they could call me if there were issues and they did call a couple of times. Four adult kids now, but I was called when one of their friends had far too much to drink. She didn't need medical treatment, but she did need some close supervision just in case. I was called when things got a bit out of hand a couple of times and they used me as a good excuse to go home. The old, I'd love to stay, but suddenly mum is unwell and needs me type of thing.

You will need to get yourself used to going to sleep without them home. It's good for them to get out and start learning to manage situations while still relatively close to home and before they head off to uni.

Why do you feel that letting them go clubbing with their friends - a perfectly normal and legal way to celebrate the end of A levels (or just a weekend) - would be abandoning them, OP?

Getting experience of doing their own thing close to home is an important stepping stone in prepping for university, where they will be out until 5 am, or later, but not near resources they are initially familiar with.

If them coming home at 5 am is a problem in terms of disturbing the household, you may want to limit how often you find it acceptable. But it's not inherently bad for them, so don't stand in their way for this one. If they have little experience of this sort of thing talk to them before hand and make sure they have a plan for getting home and what to do if they lose their phone or something. And then talk to them afterwards, you will almost certainly get to enjoy a little bit of vicarious excitement and share in their own joy. (And in the very unlikely case it didn't go brilliantly, you can commiserate and discuss how to avoid in the future - this is what parents do in terms of not abandoning their adult children).

You've had 18 years to turn them into adults, the next step is to let them be adults.

Giving adult children a curfew is nuts.

I’d allow the post a level one as a bit of a treat, but set a time usually. Best will in the world people coming back home wake up the rest of the house and it’s not fair for others to be woken at 4 in the morning because they’ve been partying- I wouldn’t say that’s a curfew- more a house rule

I had a curfew even when I was 18. Just because you turn 18 doesn't mean you can do whatever you like. You still have to respect the rules of the house and the people you're living with.

My parents were always fair. When I was 18, I was expected home by 2:30am, and I respected that and never had an issue.

Being an adult isn't about having no rules- it's about showing responsibility and consideration for others, after all as my mum would say 'this isn't a hotel' and I think on reflection as an adult my parents were very reasonable and always had my interests at heart.

Theyre right about the club opening times. Things don’t really start until midnight.
I always thought it was quite safe because I could get the tube there and back - home would be in the morning in the daylight with plenty of people going to work etc.
But I understand your concerns - 18 is still young.

Once I hit my A levels my parents let me do as I wished. Their view was I was 16 and should be responsible for myself. I never had a curfew but had to let them know what I was doing (no mobiles).

Totally fine if they want to stay out late or early morning

making a noise no that would have to stop but no I wont give a curfew to a legal adult, if they are considerate when they come hom like we would be then why so much control?

I’ve just come back from Majorca
went to a festival near magaluf so went for a drink there first
full of post a level 18 year olds who looked like they hadn’t slept for a week 😂
my 18 year old is in Rio living his life exactly as I want him to

I remember my dad wanting me home at 11pm at that age. He reluctantly agreed to midnight when I argued that the nightclubs don’t get going til 11 at the earliest, and if I called him from a payphone to say we were really enjoying ourselves and do we absolutely have to leave at midnight he’d often agree to 1am in reality lol but no later cos he’d get too tired and no way would he sleep til I was home. He’d always drive to come pick me and my friends up. This was back in the 1990s but most people’s parents weren’t as strict as mine even then (I have a feeling my mum would have been a little more lenient if my dad wasn’t as strict). I have a teen at uni but he’s never been interested in drinking/pubs/clubs so I never had to worry about it. I had thought if he showed a sudden interest I’d say 1-2am for the first night or two and if it went well I’d be ok with 3ish. 5 seems kind of excessive to me TBH unless they have a crazy long journey home. Sure the clubs might not close til 4 but you don’t HAVE to stay there til closing time! Having said that I do get why 18 year olds post exams would ideally want to…. I think if you’re happy they will be sensible and look after each other then I’d be ok with them staying til 4am closing but would maybe pick them up.

Nothing is open that late out by us so 5am could never happen. Our policy is always tell us where you are going, who you are going with, and what time you will be home. That way we know when to worry.

if it were my daughter, I would probably just talk to her and tell her I’m not going to sleep well because I’m going to be worried. Could we compromise at something like 2am for this first night? Not because I’m setting an arbitrary rule, just because it would be good for everyone, including her to ease into this new phase. When everything goes well, then we talk again for the next outing.

my kid wouldn’t balk at that or feel like I was imposing a curfew. I know some older teens would feel differently.

What time is curfew?

Also, if they are off to uni this year then in 3 months' time they will be doing freshers' week, out until 3am if they want to be, potentially in an unfamiliar city with people they've only just met.

Wouldn't they be a little bit safer if they have had those first experiences of late night clubbing with their established, trustworthy friends in their home town, and come home to you rather than a flat they're sharing with virtual strangers?

That said 5am is so late it's early and I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, so on reflection I might ask them to be earlier than that.

They should behave like adults. No curfew, but no waking the house up at all hours, either. Come in quietly. Also, show an adult-like respect for the fact that others might worry if you say you’ll be home at midnight and then don’t show up until 3. Just let people know any drastic changes in plans via text so they’re not worrying.

I do get that but there's not a chance I'd be able to sleep when she isn't home safe and I'm not waiting up until a silly time. She still has a busy social life, just doesn't take the piss.

I don't think midnight makes much sense for clubbing, no. And once you are much past that, is 3am really any better than 4am?

I'm not averse to insisting on unpopular rules. They may be 18 but while they live under your roof you can still expect compliance on things that are important to you. But I wouldn't pick this one. Clubbing is crazy hours. They need to keep safe, be quiet when they come in, and keep you updated.

They may be 18 but if they live at home they.come home when you tell them. They may be technically adults but they can stay oit until 5am when they are adult enough to leave home and pay their own rent.

They may be 18 but if they live at home they.come home when you tell them. They may be technically adults but they can stay oit until 5am when they are adult enough to leave home and pay their own rent.

Like fuck would I have allowed my kids to come in drunk and making a racket at 5am.

None at 18.
You can have your own house rules (pay rent, no over noght visitors etc) but a curfew at that age is a bit much. They are adults. They need to navigate their own way in the world and to be honest at that age have some fun!

My mum would wait up until all hours for me. Her choice. I get it as a mum myself now but if she had given me a curfew I would have broken it every time anyway.

Fond memories of me rolling in at 5am and her making me a cup of tea and a bacon buttie. Had some of my best chats with my mum at that age.

Im not suggesting you stay up until 5am but maybe ask they let you know where they are going that evening and give you a call if they need you but honestly let them go have some fun.

But surely that’s on you and not your DD she is surely entitled to a social life and freedom to do as she pleases within the fact it’s respectful. I mean I’m only going on what happened when I was 18 but I reckon I’d probably stay awake but I wouldn’t blame them for it I’d blame me because I can’t help but worry I wouldn’t want to stop them from experiencing something albeit not the best thing but it’s all part of the fun growing up

lol at 18 my mum was out with me till 3am sometimes. You don’t get a curfew at 18 however you are expected to be respectful when coming home not to disturb the household too much. Family used fo complain also saying why are you going out at 10:30pm it’s because the club didn’t get busy till 11:30-12 and be open till 4 or you’d be out at 8 pre drinking and then still not back till 4am. I had a boyfriend that was 2 years older than me when I turned 18 which helped me aswell as a large group of friends.

When I was that age almost 20 years ago, the rule was - 1am if I wanted a lift (on a weekend) or let them know I would be later by about 11:30 and be quiet letting myself into the house under pain of death. But to always call if I ever felt unsafe, no matter what the time.

I’m some years off my own child being clubbing age but my eldest stepchild isn’t too far off and I think the rules I was given are reasonable enough to replicate.

When mine were that age the rules were they didn’t come home so drunk they were throwing up. (I’m emetophobic so I couldn’t deal with it) And when they came in, they came in quietly and didn’t wake the whole house up. They were good lads and did as they were asked. They did used to come in at 3am and 4am but it was fine.

You have to let them grow up and cut the apron strings @Letfree . It is hard, but it’s part of being a parent.