AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

Absolutely. It’s disturbing that so many people control their children because of their own issues.

OP - you can’t give a grown adult a curfew. Just make sure they take a key and are quiet when they come in. I regularly came home at 2-3am at that age having walked back from clubs or a bar.

They’re 18 so no curfew.

BUT - strict reminder to be careful out, AND quiet when they come back!

I’m really struck by the posters on this thread who think their anxiety and ‘not being able to sleep’ means their adult children have to have a curfew.

Your anxiety is your own to manage, internally. It’s not something you spread outward through controlling the behaviour of others.

It’s a failure to reach maturity to think your anxiety means you control others rather than controlling your anxiety.

I’m really struck by the posters on this thread who think their anxiety and ‘not being able to sleep’ means their adult children have to have a curfew.

Your anxiety is your own to manage, internally. It’s not something you spread outward through controlling the behaviour of others.

It’s a failure to reach maturity to think your anxiety means you control others rather than controlling your anxiety.

My DD is also 18 and just finished her A levels. She can come home when she wants but the deal is she messages to give an idea of when she will be back so I don’t worry if she’s not home. If she’s going clubbing, then I want to know arrangements how she will get back and to travel back with someone else . We are in London so that means she might go back to with a friend to sleep at theirs or they come back to us. She’s not gone clubbing in central London much but we also have got her to preorder a cab to share home.
Most of the time, she’s out locally at friends. She’s either driving home or will get a cab if she’s had a drink.
The main deals for me are a) let me know what’s going on re timings and b) be quiet when you come in.

But you can make it clear that they need to be reasonably quiet !! Mine managed it. I wouldn’t put a curfew on a post A level gathering but if it started becoming a regular thing mid week Sbs I wax being disturbed there would be words. DS2 is 18 and will be out late on prom next week.

And this is why people are leaving school woefully unprepared for life because, instead of acknowledging they are now adult women and need to do their own thing (including messing up), they are infantilised

No curfew here either, doesn’t mean I like the thought of them out half the night though!
what helps me relax / get some sleep is setting an alarm on my phone for when they think they’ll be back, they turn it off when they roll in, and should they not come back it’ll go off, then I can start worrying!
it’s tough letting go, isn’t it. I’d love to turn the clock back to having little ones that only wanted to be with me again.

If their behaviour affects others in the household like waking you 1am with them spewing everywhere, slamming bathroom doors and talking, yes it doesn't go down well and is disrespectful.

This has happened in the past so as it's not a student flat but a family home with younger children rules have to be made.

My house my rules.

Mine didn’t have a curfew

If they're not paying rent then I'd say it's your house your rules. If you don't want people in and out after a certain time it's up to you. They can of course get a job, buy a house and then stay out until 4am should they wish.

I agree. I need my sleep!

DS 19 lives in the family home with younger siblings who wake us up 6am every morning so we have said he can make arrangements to stay over with grandparents in a neighbouring region (same city he likes socialising in) or be back 11. 30pm latest.

If he had no siblings and we could stay up late ourselves I'd say any time really unless it affects your work schedule.

What they say about clubs is true.. I wouldn't give them a curfew, just expect them to be considerate when they come in. Sometimes it takes ages to get a taxi or a bus home, or they're chatting, getting food with friends. My daughters didn't have a curfew at that age. Let them enjoy themselves before they're back to studying again.

Def no curfew. My parents didn't even know where I was half the time when I was 18!

Dd didn't get back from her yr11 prom after party until 5. But that didn't even start until midnight. I admit. I didn't sleep terribly well, but she was quiet when she came in.

We have when can I worry time, so if dc are going out they do bit give a set time to be back but will say they expect to be back by 2 am but if not back by 3 am then I could text to check if all ok. This worked really well and they understood I got worried but I also was nit stressing all night.

No curfew at all at that age. My old man tried with me and I ignored it.

My only rule was, wake me up and I’ll tear you a new one.

True, though if you live in my home as an adult, you will be restricted if your activities adversely affect my peace. If you don't like it, get your own place.

Adult kids is an oxymoron.
They are children, then they are adults.
At 18 they can vote, buy ice cream, wear a hat.
And certainly old enough to not have a curfew.
It isn't the 1950s.

My DD is 18 and no curfew. She isn’t one for going out late though. She had her first legal drink last night to celebrate end of A levels and we were home by 8pm!

I never gave my adult children a curfew. I only insisted they are quiet when they get home and no cooking (fear of them leaving something cooking and forgetting about it)
I spoke to them about being safe and going home in groups/ getting a taxi. Not accepting drinks from people etc.

I wouldn't have a clue because I left home at 17 to escape my 10pm weekend curfew, 9pm on weeknights. When I got engaged it was 'generously' increased to midnight, so that was when I walked out the door and into the home of my boyfriend forever. Draconian.

I have adult children at home and have rules about them not disturbing the household with when they come home. If it's going to disturb my sleep, it doesn't fly.

DS18&19 here, they are right on timings ! It’s usually a 3am-ish return home but club close is indeed 5am. Tonight huge post a level night out, let them celebrate. It’s warm. Sun up early. Amazing memory of being with friends.

they do need to practice for Uni 😊

They’re 18, they’re adults, they will be together. It’s a bit ridiculous and controlling to try and give grown ups a curfew. But clearly you don’t just stop worrying about them the moment they turn 18 so I do feel for you op. Keep talking to them but all you can do now is trust them.

I think once they are 18 and final exams are over all bets are off for curfews.

I would however expect them to tell me about general plans so I’m not worried, and they are quiet when they arrive home!