AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

No curfew, thry are adults. Although it is your house so put a curfew if you wish.. but then they can also just move out and not come back again if they wish too as they are adults now.

My super strict mum imposed an 11 curfew when I was this age and it meant I left stuff alone all the time instead of coming coming in a group. It was actually really unsafe. Or I would break curfew and she'd be mad with worry for no reason. Don't make your daughters the odd ones out OP. Totally get the traditional values/upbringing but it sounds like they're British kids doing normal fun stuff. I'm glad to hear they're bothered going clubbing :)

No curfew here when mine were 18 either. Now my 2 are 22 and 19 and back for the summer-they just tell me where they are going and if they are stopping at friends. Just out of respect and so I know whether to bolt the front door when I go to bed.
OP I know this is a strange time but you have got this.

I can honestly say I never really caused any problems for my mum and dad behaviour wise.

But id have absolutely ignored any "curfew" they tried to impose at 18.

We can’t allow our anxieties to limit what our young adults do … the summer after a levels is a fantastic time for them. Let them enjoy it before they have to start bloody studying again 🤦‍♀️

Speak to them about coming home quietly and not disturbing people and getting home safely, but def no curfews.

Mine have left home now and I do remember the anxiety when I got up for a wee at 3am and saw an empty bed. But that’s for me to deal with …

I miss the pre drinks in our kitchen, the youthfulness and energy … the music .. before they headed into town. Happy days 🥂💃

I’d be pretty disappointed if I’d raised a selfish oaf that regularly disturbed the household blundering round after a night out or bringing back randoms. Fortunately this hasn’t been an issue they were brought up to know that wasn’t acceptable.

Understanding risk, respect for themselves/others and communication rules are more important than a curfew IMHO Make sure they’re aware of the dangers that can go with clubbing, drinking, flaky friends etc. Be really open with them. Educate yourself.

I didn’t give curfews after GCSE’s. But asked them to let me know plans and always text when they’re ‘home’.

No curfew - and yes that meant coming home at 5am. Completely normal. It’s what I did!

Curfews might work if you’ve got a sweet, biddable teen who is anxious to please. What happens though if they ignore your curfew? Are you going to throw them out? Lock them in their rooms? Put them on the naughty step?.

You need to teach your DCs how to be safe on nights out not treating them like they are 10.

But they are adults. Imaginebeing an adult and your mum demanding you home. I was working in a bar at that age! You not sleeping is on you not them.

Do you mean a ‘grown woman’? Of course they are responsible for not waking up the entire house when they get in from a night out.

But what they do outside the home is their responsibility and at some point you have to let go and hope they have the skills to navigate their lives.

If anyone I was living with’s behaviour caused me upset I would raise it with them like an adult. Not throw my weight about huffing about “rules”. Power hungry.

@Letfree
Its a scary time when your DC spead their wings especially when you have girls.

I used to give my DD taxi fare so she could get home safely until I realised she was spending it on a takeaway and walking home in the early hours eating said takeaway. 🙄
I then started leaving it on the stairs so she'd get a taxi and have to come in, get the money then pay the taxi.

Its difficult but you have to let them make their own choices as adults

They’re adults. You can’t give them a curfew. You can tell them they have to be quiet coming in.

If you went out, would you think it acceptable for your husband to give you a curfew because he struggles to sleep if you’re out?

So you think it's okay for a grown child to decide their terms of living in your home, even if it reduces your quality of life, your security, your health or negatively impacts others in the home? That's the one deal I have - it mustn't impact my life negatively. So my house, my rules it will be. I can't go anywhere, but they can get their own place if they want to be the grown up who makes all the rules.

In her gap year dd1 (super sensible) got a job in a restaurant. They would often go out after their shift so she would be home about 3 sometimes. She was basically nocturnal. If I’d been one of those “can’t sleep until you’re back” I would have been a wreck.

I also think “my house my rules” is possibly my worst ever saying. It is parroted by a certain type of person one I would never be friends with.

Fair enough.

I admit I do feel better when I know they are safely home, but you can't live life in a bubble.

I did have a rule at one point about coming home between certain hours because it would disturb me all the time. My health is important too, and I was really feeling it. It hasn't been an issue lately and they have shown they can come in quietly, so I think that could be modified to no curfew but no cooking or messing around in the living areas when they get in at unsocial hours.

At that age I had to be in by the time my parents got up (7am) and I had to be quiet. Worked well.

If youve done your job properly they should be self regulating at 18. It would actually feel weird if I told dd2 when to be home as she’s so grown up like another adult. She runs her own life and often stays with close friends or boyfriend. I do want to know if she’s here for tea.

My daughter is the same age. She does not have a curfew because she is an adult and she’d laugh in my face. And probably give me a curfew to prove a point. It never entered my head. I’d rather save the energy I would use having an argument about it that I would lose and channel that into having the kind of relationship where I can tell she if she’s in any bother at all while she’s out she can call me or her stepdad and we will be there to help her or friends. She’s never let us down, including when she was a bit younger and did have a curfew.

None of your examples here are about anxiety. My post was absolutely explicit that it was about people with anxiety not managing it, but instead controlling those around them.

We never did “”curfews” beyond about 16. I have bad memories as a teen of friends parents in the 6th form being absolutely neurotic and aggressive about this and shouting and screaming at us for bing 10 mins late. We had to travel miles as we were rural so a hard deadline was actually hard to meet.

No curfew for mine, but they had to let me know what time their taxi was and when they were expected home.

It's your house. If it puts your mind at ease, have a curfew. If not, then don't. Simple as that, really.

I will control anyone who lives in my home in some aspects.

You will not bring random people back to the house during the night without my advance agreement. I have younger children to keep safe, I want to be safe and I want you to be safe. If you don't like it, get your own place where you can do what you want.

At this stage of life, I really suffer if my sleep is disturbed. Not talking about one offs or rare occasions. It's not a free for all to come in and wake me up by cooking or doing other things in the night whenever you want. If you don't like it, get your own place.

You will not decide to get a pet that lives in my house without my agreement.

My house my rules. Not that I've had any problems with my adult children still at home. We all get on great.