AIBU to wonder about a 'curfew' for 18-year-olds after clubbing?

I had a curfew of sorts when I was still living at home, in that my mum asked me to call before 1am if I needed a lift, as they couldn’t handle being up any later than that. Completely reasonable.

If I’d wanted to be out later I’d just have told them what the plan was.

I must be an unnatural parent as I’ve never done the lying awake worrying until they get back thing. I guess you can’t help it if you do that but it’s not universal.

Your poor daughter, I’d tell you where to shove your curfew. Passing your anxiety onto your daughter just because you’re worried.

I can't believe all those people saying they just casually ignored curfews or their kids would just ignore them, like it doesn't matter. If I'd tried ignoring a curfew, it wouldn't have been worth it. My parents would have made sure of that. I wasn't even allowed to be one minute late before hell broke loose. Then again, that did contribute to me leaving home at 17 to no curfew in my own home.

I think they should be given a chance to go out with friends on three occasions and if they don't follow those rules you set then fair enough it's your home, impose the curfew.

My brother never had a curfew but that's because we were the sleepover house for his group of friends as they all lived in more awkward places/had stricter parents.

Eldest is 17. She needs to have a discussed way to get home safely and needs to be back by midnight at weekends whilst studying and by dark in the week. I don't see that something would happen much differently at 4am to 11pm though and I think post A levels she can come back at any time if she's thought about safety first. In fact, she's going to a festival in the summer and will not be home for days. I'm anxious though. I do understand.

They are adults you can’t impose any curfew! My son was exactly the same and this is completely normal. If my mum had put a curfew on me at 18 to be in by midnight I would have been out the door!

Do you not think we asked DS to be quiet beforehand? Three times he ignored us and thought he knew best.

Three strikes and you're out.

You're anxiety isn't your DCs problem though. When does it ever end? If you don't get used to managing your anxiety now how will you ever get to the point where you don't need to impose a curfew?

When I was that age my parents had the rule of be home on the last bus or sleep at a friend's house. The last bus got to my road around 00.30/1am.

I think they were mainly worried about safety as they didn't want me walking by myself/being the last one in the taxi. All my other friends lived really close together and I lives about 15 minutes walk away.

18 is an adult which means you can't impose any curfew. You can only ask that they are quiet when they come home as to not wake people up.

I think the conversations need to be around safety i.e. HOW they will get home, stay together etc, not focused on time. Plus gow to be respectful i.e. not wake you up! There's no point going clubbing and being back by midnight. The good thing this time of year is they will be coming home in the light!

No curfew
but out of courtesy if they are not going to be coming home and they are going to their mates a little text to say they are at their friends house would be good

or
if they are coming home please don’t be loud

This is exactly my sentiments. You decide what goes in your own home. Similar to yourself I have health problems where I need to have good quality sleep so I won't tolerate being disturbed. DS was given three chances to be quiet and show respect and he blew it. So we have had to find workarounds. I said if he wants to make loads of noise he can come in any time when he buys his own place. Can make as much noise as he likes then.

Also like yourself I have younger children in the family to consider. They are not waking up to use a bathroom that their eldest sibling has just vomited everywhere in. No way (and yes I have had to clean it all up after midnight before my younger ones woke at 6am). Never again.

My DSs are 20&21 and we are in London. No curfew but I ask roughly what time they’ll be back and to text if plans change. They get back v late fairly regularly (both back from uni) but are considerate and not too noisy. One is now working in a bar and his shifts finish at 1 or 2 but then they clean up… I’m just glad he’s earning some money.

Mine always come home at 5ish because the clubs kick out at 4am and then they have something to eat and get the bus. They like to wait until the buses started rather than get an uber. Thrifty! They don’t make a noise when they come in.

I don’t see the point in stopping them because you will be worried. They have to live their lives and that’s what people do when they are eighteen. I wouldn’t give my husband a curfew either. Or accept one for myself.

You are supposed to bring your children up to be decent adults who are capable of making decisions and who are going to live a full and happy life.

I don’t know why 2am is safer than 4am really. Especially at the moment with the light mornings. Isn’t it safer to leave the club with everyone else rather than on your own at 2am?

Home by midnight is unkind. You are stopping them from going to a nightclub when they are eighteen years old. That is restricting them. And saying you didn’t want to go to nightclubs isn’t relevant.

My DD17 went out clubbing for the first til 4am a week before her A-levels. She was really good at communicating and surprising for me I didn’t worry and fell asleep before she got home and didn’t wake up when she couldn’t make her key work.

i can’t imagine giving her a curfew when she is 18! And she probably wouldnt take any notice.

You will learn to sleep/not worry anyway. Oldest is at Uni and you do get used to it. I’m still resentful of my parents not letting me do stuff when I was younger and I just pretended I was at friends anyway!

My two oldest DC are 20 & 21. They never had a curfew. They always told me where they were going, who with & if they expected to return home or go elsewhere (mates house etc).

They also both wanted me to have their Snapchat location turned on so I could check where they were (this was their idea not mine).

I did worry abit at first but thats my worry, not theirs, & I didn't share it with them as they should not be responsible for my feelings towards a very normal part of growing up. It quickly went & now Ill go to sleep regardless of them being out & dont wait for them to get back in.

Also, my oldest stayed out until 4am after his gcses to celebrate (with my agreement) so im genuinely shocked you're thinking of telling your 2 adult daughters to be home by midnight. They are adults & with each other so I see no problem with them staying out until they want to come back!

Mine didn't have a curfew after GCSEs.
16 year olds should be able to self regulate on school ( sixth form/college) / work nights. Still needing a curfew is a failing. I also think going from a midnight curfew at home to living in a new city at university where anything goes isn't wise.

No curfew, they are adults.

My curfew was 10pm on weekends. Yes, I agree, it's a disaster. No-one else has to be home at that time so you're really causing a problem for the group plans and less likely to be included.

During the week it was 9, 9.30 for certain things. I got home once at 9.32 after relying on someone else for transport. All hell broke loose.

Outside the home, yes, definitely. In my home, my business.

They might be a grown woman but they aren't really independent and living as a grown adult if they live in my house. I left home and was running my own home at 17. That's when I started making the house rules.

Wow. No way an 18 year old needs a curfew. In the 90’s, I’d go out Friday and not be home until Sunday and there were no mobile phones. Ridiculous idea

I did impose a curfew on mine last night but they have a competition over the weekend and a massive late night would have put paid to that.

I know myball we are at that exact stage year 12 with second and I love it. Trying not to think of how quiet the house will be when she’s gone!