I would appreciate some objective views on this please.
I have been with my new partner for around four months. He couldn’t be more different from the men in my past relationships. He is kind, gentle, emotionally available, a devoted father and, so far, has given me absolutely no reason to think he is violent, abusive or controlling. There are currently no red flags that I can see and this isn’t about any concerns regarding him.
However, I have been in three domestically abusive relationships in the past. In one of those cases, I applied for a Clare’s Law disclosure and the police asked to meet me in person. They told me there was information about him that they considered concerning, although they could not tell me what it was.
That experience has left me wondering whether I should now apply for a Clare’s Law disclosure in my current relationship, even though I don’t have any concerns at all.
Before anyone suggests I need to work on my boundaries or self-esteem, I left each relationship when the domestic abuse became apparent. My concern isn’t that I stayed in abusive relationships; it’s that none of them appeared abusive at the beginning, which is why I’m questioning whether a Clare’s Law check is simply a sensible safeguarding measure for someone with my history.
Part of me thinks it is a practical precaution. Another part of me worries it is unfair or unnecessary when someone has done nothing to make me suspicious.
If you had a history of domestic abuse but no concerns about your current partner, would you apply for a Clare’s Law disclosure as a matter of routine?
Thank you for reading.