To think life is more of a pain in the arse than it's worth

It’s all relative, isn’t it. I don’t have children or any sick/dying relatives, so career problems are the worst thing that could happen to me right now. I could let my world collapse and wallow in self-pity, or I could focus on areas of my life that aren’t a shitstorm and find joy there. I choose the latter.

That being said, I do accept that that choice is perhaps easier for me (glass half full person, always have been) than it might be for others, who are prone to depression, anxiety, etc.

I actually take a keen interest in antinatalism and the work of David Benatar and find this a very interesting discussion. My view is life may not be worth starting, but we have no choice in this therefore once we’re here, it’s worth continuing and making the most of life.

Of course we happy people have experienced terrible times.

• my dad died slowly of dementia - I cherish the memories of him before that and think of how proud he’d be of how his grandchildren are thriving and what amazing adults they have become
• my infant brother died suddenly when I was just a child. It was horrendous but taught me that I deeply love my remaining siblings and we have a wonderful relationship filled with laughter, closeness and joy. My little brother would have wanted that.
• I’ve got a chronic health condition and have had numerous setbacks and surgeries. I’ve made good strong relationships with my medical teams who wave cheerfully and empathetically when I show up (again)
• my precious cat died. We buried her and planted a beautiful rose on top. It died too so
• we got another and it’s fully in bloom. Gorgeous !

I agree. In fact, having lived through so much has enriched my life in terms of what I experience now. I do live a very full and good life. I would prefer to have not gone through so much pain to have got to that point and would swap, but I am grateful for the silver lining of the richness I have found in life. That doesn't negate the struggle underneath, of course. Just that life can be beautiful alongside it.

I can understand not wanting to be old and sick and live a long life where you have no quality of life. Many at 75 are still active and full of life though.

What kind of resources are you meaning when you say it's selfish to use resources?

I agree with this. I have been through some incredibly stressful things in my life, but the one thing that has pretty much kept me sane is that I find it very easy, and it takes very little, for me to feel content. I think this has been my saviour really.

Yes. There is no point to living and life is more of a drag than it is a pleasure.

I also think the link to personal finances and contentment is hugely underestimated. Not everyone has two healthy incomes coming in, can comfortably retire early, be mortgage free by 60. Lots of things improve my well-being, one of them being spending money to do stuff, and I just don’t have the disposable money to enough of that. Invariably, going for a bike ride or sitting in my garden does fuck all for me.

I agree with your mother.

I feel so sorry for the young people in Japan where people are living and longer and using up so many resources.

The young people are getting fed up and I don't blame them.

Then you turn on the tv in the UK and the presenters speak about Japan's longevity with envy. I am not envious, I am grateful that people are dying earlier here and saving resources for the younger generation. At least we are good at something.

Well it’s certainly a roller coaster if nothing else. Good times getting ruined by bad times. Bad times calming into good times, good times getting ruined by bad times, and so it goes on in a never ending circle.

Good for you and I hope you have fun. There are also others who will have similar plans and don't know yet that they will have to cancel them because their child's medical condition is going to flare and they're going to be spending hours in emergency (yet again). Honestly, losing my career is the least of anything I've lost in life and I was pretty attached to that.

😂
Cheer up OP, go watch some of the WC matches.

I'm sure the resources you are using are balanced out by those who didn't live long. How is it selfish to use resources? You didn't ask to be born, make the most of the life you do have. You are no less worthy than anyone else. My mother has said she thinks 80 is a good age to get to though and doesn't want to go on too long either.

Good for you, but I don't want to use up resources when I have already had a long life. I think it is selfish. If you don't then that is fine.

I feel you today. Going on a weekend away with DH, should be exciting but all I can think about is the amount of hassle with the packing and both the kids going to different places, the dog being cared for, a mammoth day of packing up everyone - hard not to question is this worth it…

I might well be happy, but I am using up resources and I don't want to be selfish.

If I live until 75 then I will be very grateful, but I don't want to keep living and living.

Life is forced on you. There is no choice about whether or not you are born. Suicide is frowned on and even if they do eventually bring in euthanasia, it'll only be valid for sufferers of physical illness.
I work with lots of people with painful and debilitating conditions that would choose death but they are forced to live with carers four times a day. Still, their continual forced existence provides a whole industry to exist and creates jobs.
When all you actually have is your own life. You are denied doing with it what you will.
Given the choice, I'd have given mine to friends that died and I'd have died in their place.
The 'seek help' people need not respond to this post.

This. I wasn’t able to have children, because of fertility issues. I was very sad about it for a long time. But things got better. We decided to embrace the good things about childfree life, have dogs, lots of lovely holidays. I got the chance to retire at 58 on a voluntary early exit package and I took it. Been very happy since. Now 65. I am a believer in the adage “if life gives you lemons, make lemonade”.

Agree with this! My life has been turned upside down from a career perspective, but I’m still enjoying life outside that. This weekend I’m spending a long weekend in the UK (I live overseas), going to a music festival, seeing family, splurging on a luxurious facial, etc. There’s so much joy in the world if you consciously and proactively look for it!

Some of it perspective, there’s a lot of stuff around ‘power’ perspectives and how you frame things. For some people they naturally approach things with that kind of perspective and others don’t. So for some people when a bad thing happens, it reaffirms their perspective that everything is shit. For others, it’s a blip on the road where everything is otherwise good.

I would say I have more of a ‘power’ perspective nowadays and I do really enjoy life. Not every moment of it obviously but overall I find joy in a lot of things, I would describe myself as a happy person.

75 is still relatively young these days. I've noticed there's a huge variation in health at that age though. Not always lifestyle but sometimes just unlucky.

Or there is nothing and we fade away as the electrical signals in our body that kept us alive and thinking die. Forever. I'm okay with that.

I know a lot of bereaved parents. And yes, unfortunately, I can understand it intimately. Can you? Have you lived it?

Chances are you may have no idea who they really are, even if you think you do. Depending on when you got to know them and how you know them. People only see what bereaved parents present to the public. These days, I don't even tell people who haven't also lost a child. They think they are close friends but how close can you be if you don't know something so fundamental about someone?

What makes you think you can't be healthy and happy after the age of 75? This afternoon I went out for a walk with my almost 82 year old neighbour, who is still enjoying a fulfilling life.

No-one mentioned "living forever", but 75 is not really old these days. However if you are happy to check out when you could still have many good years ahead of you then that's your choice.

I never said they are carrying on the same and of course they are affected by it, but find it interesting that you, who have no idea who these people are, seem to know more about them than I do. People can, and do, still find joy in life in the face of unimaginable tragedy, whether you can understand that or not.

Naaahhh... pseudointellectual snobbery

It's all a learning curve.
Prep for the next life or Heaven.