CRP level and DP’s reaction, would you be upset?

My DH is an anaethetist/ITU doctor and he is extremely dismissive when any of us are ill (including himself when he has had 2 week wait investigations). Our son has had 3 hospital admissions over the past year (bowel obstruction, pneumonia, severe tonsillitis) and every single time my DH has thought we were wasting GP/ED time. Even when I have been proved right (I’m a former hospital doctor myself!) he doesn’t really acknowledge it.

I think because he’s so used to looking after the sickest patients he has no ‘time’ for tonsillitis or whatever. Meningitis , yes let’s go to hospital. Tonsillitis , ‘it will be fine’.

Surgeons are also known stereotypically to be quite blasé, but I would expect one to certainly be interested in a CRP of 400 !!!

get well soon

I disagree. The small things indicate the big things.

This man has zero empathy for his wife who is ill. She doesn't need to know much more than that.

I think this is par for the course with surgeons. A friend of mine has had TWO brushes with death (a perforated bowel and and acute condition causing her brain to swell) and both times her medical (surgeon and GP) relatives told her bed rest would sort it. It would not.

No. No you are not. You are normal to be afraid and you have no back up from your asshole husband.

Get over this and re- assess your relationship.

No, he was being a dick! Just because he's educated, doesn't mean he's not capable of being an arsehole.

It is extremely high and definitely not normal.

Yes he’s seen higher CRP, because he works in a hospital and saw many sick people before. Ridiculous comment

I swear surgeons lack empathy just like psychopaths do, that’s why they thrive in a job which requires them to slice people open

No, you arent being over sensitive or dramatic....he's not showing any care, concern or empathy at all.
If my DP is feeling under the weather or I feel rough when im on my period we care for each other, extra love, cuddles etc.....and that's just day to day illnesses.....you are in hospital and hes acting like this? Stick him in the BIN

OP is ill in hospital and he couldn’t care less.

He not only discouraged her from getting checked out but then was unsympathetic when she found out she was quite poorly.

I think that poster was spot on.

People (men especially) show their true colours when you get poorly.

Even if just a friend text me, I would have offered to drive her to the hospital myself and if I had found out she had to stay in hospital I would have been sympathetic and asking her if she needs anything etc.

I once saw a gynae consultant because a scan had revealed a 10cm ovarian cyst. I said 'That's quite big isnt it' and he laughed and said 'Ive seen bigger'. LIKE I GIVE A SHIT. This isnt some Guinness Book of Records discussion- Im talking about the effect it is having on my body.
And some poor woman is probably married to him, when I only had him for a 20 minute appointment and that was bad enough

Unfortunately this poster is referencing a widely accepted phenomenon of men leaving wives when they become ill - see below.

Men leaving spouses when ill

If he isn’t even showing care in the early days it is very possible this man is already showing red flags for this type of trait.

Ah that’s quite different, carry on I’m interested to. It does seem fair to query his fitness to practice, it takes more than an ego and being very dismissive of others illness to make a good surgeon. A lot more.

I too would be interested in his grade. I am a senior surgeon and that’s bloody high. For context, I have admitted patients for further testing when it’s above 150 even if they seemed fine in themselves. I too have seen higher but over 400 is very high and he’s being an utter dick pretending it’s not.

if he’s junior he needs further educating as that attitude is dangerous and puts patients at risk and if he’s a consultant he shouldn’t have trainees as we certainly don’t want that cavalier nature to be instilled in them.

genuinely I would use this as a sign that perhaps he should be thrown back into the sea.

Blimey this is quite the leap?! I think you may have been watching too many films

Did anyone else have to Google what CRP levels are?
And if not, how do you know what is what and what the normal level should be?!

I know this is a cliche but surgeons are widely known to be higher in dark tetrad traits. The lack of care he demonstrated towards you is properly shocking for someone you are in an intimate relationship with. Get out.

A surgeon, full of himself? Surely not! <sarcasm>

Yes it's either that he won't have it that he's wrong. Or that he refuses to accept you are ill and need attention because he is used to being the important one. Or both.

What a supercilious dickhead. I hope you feel better soon.

Was it in a - I don’t care way.

Or in a - sympathetic do you need anything, I’m sorry you’re feeling so poorly, don’t worry I’ve seen much higher and they’ve been fine - reassuring, caring way.

Not caring when you’re unwell is one of the biggest red flags you can get.

I would be seriously concerned about the future of this relationship.
I don’t think I’d trust this man to have children with.

Some men are great partners when their partners are perfect and put them first but as soon as they become unwell or have children, the man’s true colours come out.

What a horrible man. I hope you feel better soon and dump his uncaring arse.

Wow.

Be kinder to your own family please.

Your working day is not their problem.

They will always remember your lack of care, sympathy and empathy. Ask me how I know.

OP I am a nurse and 400 is terribly high. Very nasty infection or potentially sepsis with a number like that. I had a patient with pneumonia last week, she was very poorly and her CRP was 320! You poor thing, hes absolutely gaslighted you. I wouldnt want him to be my surgeon! Very dismissive.

Nope I was just trying to gauge how stupid he must be to not think a CRP of that is serious

Yes I think it’s bizarre of him. More surgeons are psychopaths than any other career though.. so maybe he lacks empathy.

Sounds like the renowned 'God complex' that some surgeons are notorious for. It's really not a great characteristic in a relationship (been there, done that, experienced it first hand)

Hope you feel a bit better soon, that they get to the bottom of things, and that it is nothing too serious.

Edited to add: he is a sick, and you should always trust your gut.

Mine was over 300 when I had my gangrenous appendix removed. I was in hospital for 9 days.

Your (D)H is a cold, unfeeling shit of a man. Please do not let 2 years become 10 or 20 or 30 years. You should be with someone who is on your 'team'. He is not.

You might not be medically trained, but the person who saw you is and deemed it high enough to be urgent!

He sounds cold - some healthcare professionals are and treat everybody as 'cases', You'd hope that wouldn't apply to your partner, though. You shouldn't have to be the worst he's seen or at death's door to warrant some sympathy here.