AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

it's just the long run on a Sunday that will be a little bit tricky but even that you don't really need to go more than 3 hours, so out at 6 back at 9. And only need a few of those.

the rest you can do on your WFH days, as you suggested, maybe at lunch times.

assuming you are not looking to win it you can build a base up from here and get it done relatively easily. good luck

and your husband is a bell end.

Find a way to make this happen. Most partners would support their loved ones on this. You'll regret it forever if you don't do it because of him.
My husband is a long distance runner and yes it's annoying sometimes, he frequently wakes me up, the running chat is really boring, but it's his passion so I wholeheartedly support. Your husband is being an asshole.
Good Luck. Xx

I wouldn't expect to have to ask my husband. He'd support me because he loves me and do anything he could to help me with whatever I wanted to do just as I would do for him. Your husband sounds like a prick, OP. If he's genuinely doing as you're saying, with absolutely no backstory or reason, he's a jerk and I'd do what I wanted and just ignore him. What's he likely going to do about it? I think nothing.

I suspect that this is closer to the truth.

He doesn't go to play football for a couple of hours every week. He goes to support his team, which likely involves travelling to and from a stadium. Even if it's nearby, home matches must be at least four hours out of the house, and that's not counting stopping for a pint with mates afterwards. Away matches would be a full day, and probably sometimes an overnight.

Very much the equivalent of marathon training.

And add that up over 10 years. She's only asking for a year.

Or... he could be happy the OP has a rare chance to participate in a world famous event and enjoy looking after his own kids for a bit more time than usual for a few months. 🙄

Oh dear, another one. He doesn't like you, and he's jealous of you. He's worried that you will manage to complete the marathon and he'll never be able to do anything like that.
YANBU at all - my husband and I both do sporting events that we have to train for, and we sit down together and work out our schedules so we can both get our training in and fit everything else in.

I'm sorry OP. You run that marathon, then keep on running, away from 'D'H!

Your "DH" is an arsehole.

Sorry, I don't think you should 'expect support'. Marathon training is a huge time commitment, far more than a weekly football match. If you were saying you wanted to join a similar weekly activity then I would be on your side, but expecting him to be thrilled when he's looking down the barrel of months and months of solo parenting of very young children is unreasonable.

Knowing how hard it is to get a place via the ballot, he should pull his finger out and support you. Do you have a marathon training plan? My DH did it last year but our DCs are self reliant now so much easier .

I agree
I think you have a bigger issue that the marathon here
get rid of him
get some childcare organised or a friend to bring them with you
and live your life

Your husband is a cunt

That’s horrible. I’ve been really ramping up my running and DH is so supportive. He and the kids come to watch and cheer me on, I try to run at the best times possible for the family but sometimes he does need to look after them solo (but then I also do that while he does stuff, it’s just part of parenting). The fact he’s being so hostile from the start instead of sitting down and working out how it will work is a big red flag. If this was my DH and a bucket list thing I would be like ‘right, how do we make this work?!’

You beat me to it. I was just about to suggest that.

I completely agree; and was sort of my point: training takes a lot of time (even if only once) and it absolutely can and should be something that someone can do within a relationship where you are caring for others (in this case kids) but there needs to be give and take in terms of free time (even if not equally divided week to week, across a larger period of time). It's not about the marathon, it's about what you do with the free time. And I also agree with @Pistachiocake cos that's where everyone gets pissed off with their husbands is not that husbands are doing hobbies, it's more that it is unevenly balanced and not acknowledged and more often than not its the W who is picking up the rope that is dropped by the other partner.

So in this case: a discussion about free time is what's needed, and how that is shared out.

Estimate how many hours he's been off playing/watching football since you first became parents and draw a big bar chart on a long piece of paper so it shows how many hours marathon training he owes you.

Do your training and colour it in your bar with the hours spent. He can complain about having to look after DC while you train for the marathon when your bar on the chart gets bigger than his.

He is being a dick. However, do you know how many hours of training you will need to do in the months before the race? It’s not really comparable to a couple of hours of football a week. My DB runs marathons and my (lovely and very patient) SIL is solo parenting a lot. If you want to work this out with your DH it might be worth looking at a training plan so at least you know how many hours it will take.

OP, my DH has run London a few times. I did suggest he didn't do it the year we had a baby due in March though, We both run anyway but he was really considerate in that he would often do long runs early on a Sunday so it wouldn't impact our time too much and he would do other runs before work. I think you can fit it into family life with some organisation and ingenuity. The baby in question runs herself now and we often do races as a family.

Do you know any other runners? It might be good to meet up with some others for longer runs, especially if you are lacking encouragement at home. It will reinforce the idea that this is a legitimate way to spend time.

Our family ethos is to all work together as a team so we all get to do the things we want to do. It can take some logistical magic some days but it is important to both of us that nobody feels they miss anything. That is our version of family life.

Could someone else come and support you on the day? I think spectating in London with kids can be hard work and it might be better not to have to consider any of that when you have a marathon ahead of you.

In terms of his attitude, is it just because he doesn't want to look after the kids while you run? Or is there more to it? It sounds like a very strong negative reaction.

I think you should definitely train with London in mind, building up super gradually of course and don't let his attitude put you off. It just seems a very strong stance of his to be so against you doing something you want to do. Is this how he is generally or did those surprise you?

Some people seem to interpret 'family life' as spending all your time doing housework, running kids to activities and never doing what you want with a martyred nod at kids preventing this, but there are other ways. We manage to cram everyone's activities into most weeks without feeling we are missing out on anything, which is easier now the youngest is 14 but we still fitted in 3 runs a week each when she was a baby. He would come back from a run and I would go out for one sometimes.

His lack of motivation to support you in this might need a bit of unravelling.

I think there's quite a difference between training for one, bucket list, marathon, and running two or three a year every year and therefore being in constant marathon training mode.

And I think there would be less strain in your relationship if you were taking the full Sunday to do something for yourself.

A lot of people on here seem to criticise husbands for fitness hobbies/challenges, like running, gym and cycling. Me, I think both husbands and wives should support each other as much as possible. These days, it's likely both work and have childcare duties, and as long as you both do these equally, why shouldn't each of you have time to pursue hobbies?

How selfish! I think I’d point out I personally think that is highly unreasonable however if that is the way he prefers things to be in your marriage, I am prepared to follow suit for the sake of marital harmony. Therefore, henceforth with immediate effect, all support for football is removed. He wants to play? He finds a babysitter.

So I have an H who has run marathons (including London) and frankly it is a massive great big issue in our marriage, because training is brutal and as you get close to the marathon it was taking out a whole weekend day, followed by a day and a half of lying down because everything hurt. The fact he is still alive and we are still married is sometimes a mystery to me, and I would point to marathon training as being one of the threats to our stable home.

It isn't really the marathon, though, that is the issue: it's about the fair division of free time. I would talk to him about it that way, and explain this is the "balancing payment" for all his football weekends / weekends away with his buddies.

This would genuniely make me question the entire relationship, I could not be with a man who had so little respect for me.

Having done a marathon myself training is an enormous commitment
couple of rest days a week and running all other then on rest days you need to spend a bit of time looking after yourself and stretching
at least one long run a week
London marathon is extortionate cost for transport and accommodation for the event

it has a massive impact on life in the run upto it

i used to do short run before work then some in evening or treadmill at gym after kids in bed
problem with London your training is in the tale end of winter so it not as though you can do long runs after kids in bed

have you got a training plan in mind and how it would work?

also I’ve worked shift there horrendous I’d be pissed of it that was thrown at me to defend a hobby

I think the best you can do is look at training plans and see how it would work