AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

DH is an absolute twunt and it's clear that he has little respect for you.

I'd be seriously questioning your relationship with him.

What a dickhead.

I'd seriously consider leaving him.

You have far bigger problems than the logistics of working out when you will go for a run.

equal.
leisure.
time.

it isn’t rocket science

the fact that the two of you don’t seem to realise this, is indicative of a deeply unhealthy dynamic relationship unless he’s thicker than mince.

why do you have to ask op if it’s ok if you have a little bit of hobby time when your husband has had far far more over the years? Why wouldn’t it be ok?

we know he treats you like shit, you’ve told us that, but how does he treat the kids? If you divorce, and he’s a reasonable dad, even if a terrible husband, then you will get some time to yourself when he has the children. It seems in your relationship it might be the only way.

He doesn't like you much, does he?

Why are you with such a dismissive, unsupportive twerp?

This is really really shitty of him. You need to stop “having the kids” to enable him to go to football. And leave him. In due course. Noting like marathon training to make you feel empowered.

Your husband doesn’t see you as an equal partner.

Your husband doesn’t care about your happiness or personal wellbeing.

Your husband sees you as the person who should make his life easier by always being there to hold down the fort so he can do as he pleases in life without having to worry about the children, house or anything else.

Hes selfish and quite frankly I couldn’t stay married to such a pig headed man child.

What did he say when you told him you won’t be looking after the children when he’s at foodball?

He sounds like an utter nob.

I never say this but I would dump him. He isn’t a parent but a child

OP, is he a dyed in the wool supporter of his football team? Has he never missed an away match? Do some of these away matches mean a Saturday overnight and your training plan would mean he would miss going to some of the away matches? I just wonder if that is the reason for his strong reaction?

Just to be clear, this is not an acceptable reason, or reaction. And that is understating it.

So you support his weekend days out and interests but he can’t do the same thing for you, at least you’re seeing him as the selfish man he is. Do you want to put up with a selfish partner for life, one who doesn’t care about your feelings or dream?

No more football for him then. He is “compromising family time”.

Tell him that when you divorce him and he has the kids every other weekend, he'll be wasting his season ticket. I'm not even joking. He doesn't like you and is full of contempt for you. It's over.

He's a weak, jealous misogynist. He thinks what he does is valuable, and what you do isn't. He thinks it's your job to sort out the house and the children and he shouldn't have to be involved. He should be ashamed. Please promise us and yourself that you'll do that marathon whatever it takes. Spite the fucker. And then next year when you've done it and everyone thinks you're wonderful, which they absolutely will, make it clear to everyone that you did it entirely on your own, while your selfish husband tried to stop you.

I’m a runner and have done marathons, have another this year, the training especially once you’re properly into a training block is a huge time commitment so it is something that needs to be agreed on and I can see where if you are genuinely in a situation where nobody really has any free time and you’re now asking for hours a week that would be unfair- BUT if he had the same amount of time free, he’s being unreasonable.

It's not 'months and months of solo parenting'.

A reasonable marathon training plan is 16 weeks. You build up the distance of your long run over that period so, if the OP were to run at a similar pace to me (bit slower than average) there would be maybe 4-6 weeks where she'd be out for 3 hours or more, once a week. All other sessions can be an hour or less and as she's said, done before work - so the biggest inconvenience to DH is he might be woken up slightly earlier than he's used to.

I'm willing to bet anything the amount of time she'd spend in total training for the marathon won't even come close to the amount of time her H has to himself for football/other activities.

DH ran the London Marathon when we had a tiny baby* and that was how we managed it - it's a sensible plan IMO.

*not an arsehole - he was meant to run it April 2020 just before she arrived but then we all know what happened and it got pushed to October!

Well if this was me and my H, yes absolutely I would expect his support. Because he's a supportive husband. Your husband trots off on lads holidays, goes out every weekend, doesn't seem to really think twice about you or the kids... So why would you expect his support now? Has he ever shown you that he would be supportive?

Your husband is a selfish prick.

My husband plays golf ...BUT he makes sure he ts off early where possible when playing on a weekend.

I am the runner 😄...and I get my hobby time to go out and do.my training runs ( ran London marathon on 2024 and Brighton this April) ...like him I got my runs around the family.

We still find plenty of time outside this to all do stuff together as a family (two children similar ages to yours)

Edited to add he is my biggest supporter and cheered me on in both marathons 😄...I bore home with running chat and he bores me with golf chat haha

I'd be more direct than that. Tom doesn't want me to do it and won't look after our children so I can train. He's refused to discuss it.

He's an arse OP.

My DH supports me in my hobby, which is running. Granted I don't take the mickey, like I will get up at 5am for a long run but he's there getting the kids up for school, doing their breakfast etc. And I only do it on the days its not my turn with the little one. But if I wanted to he wouldnt mind.

If he loves you and cares about you he would support you.

Your husband is selfish. Have you pointed out that he is compromising family time to go to football every weekend, and going away with his friends. Be blunt, and ask him why he is able to do that, but you taking time to train is not ok. You should not be the default parent.

Once he (hopefully) has been able to see that he's being unfair, then you need to sit down together to work out how you will manage both your free time together. I would also be tackling the subject of you doing more housework than he is - this may be fair if you have less working/commuting time, or it may not.

Honestly, if he continues to be so selfish, I would be reconsidering the relationship.

@Nowarunner2026 your DH doesn't love or respect you.

Do you know how a stranger on the internet knows this? Because in a healthy relationship where your partner DOES love and respect you, this wouldn't be an issue.

Your DH should be proud of you. He should be your biggest cheerleader. If he has worries over childcare interfering with his fun time, he would mention it so you can reassure him and then go back to asking you what you need to make this dream happen.

Your so called partner is selfish to his core. His wants are the only ones that matter.

In a perfect world, you'd see him for his true self and kick him out so you can go live your best life without his weight dragging you down but we all know you will keep trying to make it work. You'll keep kowtowing to him, walking on eggshells around his big boy feelings that he can't regulate and you'll let him dim your light because you think that is what love is.

It's such a shame. You sounds like such a brilliant, positive go-getter who is successfully juggling work, the household and kids AND this amazing thing yet the one person you're supposed to be adored by can't even bring himself to fake being happy for you.

He's a basic, weak, self absorbed man-baby and you can do so much better.

Poor you OP. He sounds mean and selfish. Is he jealous perhaps?
He doesn't want you to do anything for yourself.
You are not allowed any interest that is not him, him, him.
You are his property.

Oh he really doesn’t want you to have the glory does he?
The London marathon is my 2028 dream (I’m currently pregnant) and my partner would do whatever he needed to regarding the kids (which will be 10, 2 and 1 by 2028).
If your partner goes around doing what he likes but won’t support you or help your train for what would be a huge achievement… he doesn’t want you to achieve it.

You only have one option really, make it your fucking mission to do it all without him and slap him with divorce papers at the finish line!

In my marriage and with our child, this would be a ridiculous request. Neither of us gets this much personal time. It’s just impossible with the demands upon us.

your husband clearly gets this level of personal time. If it is available to him it should be available to you.

If he won’t support you, I would stop being available for his activities. It’s petty, but necessary. Leave the house before him if it comes to that.