AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

Running and training for a marathon will change your life. I’ve done 4 and been rejected in the London ballot 14 times. No kids or husband, mind, but PLENTY of women in my circle do and train/race regularly.

Grab this opportunity with both hands. And as you get fitter, stronger, more confident, really assess whether your marriage is worth holding onto. Plenty of time on longer runs to work it all out, OP. Your husband sounds like a selfish, sour, jealous brat.

He's a narcissistic prick! This is so selfish and self absorbed its unbelievable. It's also unbelievably manipulative to throw the "family time" card into the mix.

You deserve better OP - throw him back in the sea and find a better partner who cares about your happiness.

Do you get any time for yourself? In all honesty I would struggle with this. But I’d also struggle with nonstop football and lads trips. Really you need to use math - work out how much time he’s disappearing and make sure you do the same.

Buf after reading your updates I think he’s pretty awful. He doesn’t want you to be a fully satisfied or successful person - either at work or at home. He doesn’t pull his weight and he somehow thinks the children you both created aren’t his responsibility. Giving me a lot of the ick for sure.

I'm so sorry he is being so unsupportive. That is so ugly in a marriage. I really hope you find a way to do this for you. You deserve it!

What the hell OP? Not wanting you to progress at work because it will mean a bit more childcare. Doe he need to wave the red flag on your face any more than that? So… what are you going to do?

Ive run 9 marathons, 8 of them with pre-teen kids. However for most of them I was working pt and mainly did my long runs on Fridays while they were in creche/preschool/school. The hardest was probably when they were 1 and 4 as that was the most intense parenting phase.

But long runs are generally 3-3.5 hrs (im pretty sure the advice is that longer than this isnt advantageous) even adding on showering or travel time to meet friends, it shouldn't be taking a whole day.

Ive done an Autumn marathon and for some of the long runs i started at around 6pm, on a weekend. DH had to dinner/bedtime, but id been around the whole day.

It sounds like he's jealous and enjoys pissing on your chips. He's already a lightweight dad and husband and he doesn't want to be inconvenienced even a fraction more.

And what does he say when you ask him to justify why he sacrifices family time to go to the football etc?

I agree with this. Treadmills seem utterly miserable to me!

Even in winter I much prefer a run outdoors

Everyone else has already said what I wanted to say regarding the lack of support from your "D"H

I will just add a note of caution ⚠️

If you're not a regular runner now you need to start. 90% of marathon training is managing fatigue and niggles and it will go so much better if you have less fatigue and some conditioning to the demands of running.

But your DH is an arsehole, sorry.

Your situation is nothing like the OP's. Her husband goes to football every weekend and goes on holiday with his mates

Getting a place to run the London marathon is a big deal op! Your DH should be supporting you.

The training is time consuming though. Can it be done early in the mornings?

I ran London when DC were 8&10.

DH was supportive but with hindsight it did take a big toll on family life and I didn't do another for 11 years. The children asked me not to.

I think if you're not a runner you've probably underestimated the impact of training. It'not just the time you spend running, but the way it affects every other aspect of your life, and the amount of rest you need. Especially for the first one and if you're starting from scratch.

Blimey. I don’t even know you and I’m proud of you.

He wants it to be all about him I’m afraid. You’re not supposed to have you own hopes and dreams. I could understand it if your hobby went on for years or he wasn’t able to pursue his own interests but that’s not the case. I couldn’t have any respect for such a selfish man.

I’m furious for you OP.

Have you asked him why he is able to have all this time to go football, but it’s an issue for you?

He’s a complete arsehole

He's a total bellend and I'd lose a lot of respect for him over that sort of behaviour.

It's no more of a huge time commitment than buggering off to the football every week - he's got to travel there, then there's the match, probably drinks - will be away for hours. OP, on the other hand, leaves the house and goes running. You don't run the full marathon in training until practically the end. It's nothing like the hours DH spends watching footie.

Surely the joy of running is to get out of the house. I think you should be allowed out, unless he trading his football for Subbuteo.

This made me feel sad. If you have a partner it should go without saying they should be there on The Mall as you cry after 26 miles and say ‘never again!’. If I was ever lucky enough in the ballot it would be a given my family would be there...

Absolutely do the Marathon and trade your husband in for one who's a decent human being - preferably a football-hating runner.

Have you considered buying your own treadmill? Do a bit of research as to which one is reasonable quality but they aren't as expensive as you think, maybe £400. That way you could train whilst watching the kids (I know it isn't your point but as your husband is refusing to back you, you may have to find another way).

This is a hill I would be willing to die on.

Ask him why it's ok for him to sacrifice family time for football every weekend? Also ask him why it's ok for him to wake you up.

Does he ask you to look after the kids when he's at football or does he just assume you will?

He sounds like a sexist arsehole.