AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

I agree. It’s the ultras (90ks) that affect family life seriously. In that my DH is regularly running a marathon on a Sunday morning just during his training. He’s still making sure he’s pulling his weight. If he were running one marathon per year I would barely notice.

This is nonsense. If you are a regular runner, a normal weekday training run before work doesn’t leave you so exhausted you can’t function normally after work. Your body gets used to it and most training runs don’t take much more than an hour or so (exception being the long runs which even in marathon training are likely to peak at around 3-3.5h but which again shouldn’t leave you too exhausted to function the rest of the day). Parents can and should have their own hobbies and I really don’t think the kids suffer if one parent is gone 5am-6/6.30am a few times a week and 5am-8am one day in the weekend.

He’s giving me the ick

Your husband is afraid you'll succeed where he didn't. He's a jealous, selfish pig. He's actively working to keep you down at work by having you turn down a possible promotion and to not accomplish something that might give you positive attention.

Your kids are watching what you're modeling for them. Do you want them in misogynistic relationships where the man works to make his partner's life smaller because he's jealous and has to get off his ass to make breakfast for one more day?

I don't know if your relationship is salvageable. Your husband resents you and has contempt for you and actively tries to make you less. He will sabotage you if he gets the chance.

@Nowarunner2026 he must have faith in you though to stick with it to be so worried about being left with the children and disturbing his sleep, my DH would just laugh and say ‘I give it a week!’

Fuck him. Take your friend up on their offer and just go running. I would be checking out of this marriage. You can use your running time to plan your escape

He doesn’t like you. He doesn’t want you to do well at work. He doesn’t want you to be successful in your hobby. He is not proud of you for wanting to be the best version of you.

Its not just about equal leisure time, its about having a partner who wants the best for you and gets pleasure from supporting you in that process.

Sorry but he’s awful and you deserve much more from your life partner.

I’m sorry but you husband is a complete and utter wanker. He’s jealous of you. Ok for him to bugger off to watch football. Do shifts and anything else he wants to do and not give a crap about you. But when you have a dream he pisses all over it. For most people the marathon is a dream. Getting that medal. Saying you done it. I have loads of mates who have done it. I do loads of stuff for charity. Did march for men last weekend. Do charity stuff for MS. My partner is fantastic. Comes with me and waits at the finish line with camera ready. What you have is a dream killer selfish partner

How can you be with someone so un supportive. I’m actually shocked how selfish he is . I would be re thinking my marriage

You have a DH problem. He’s being ridiculously unfair. It sounds a lot like he is cross because you having some time out to do this will mean he’ll have less him time and will have to look after his own children.

I think this is only valid if you are attempting to be like Spencer Matthews, and have a new marathon to train for every week.
this is such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things, especially when the time she’d be having to herself probably is the same amount of time he spends watching football for one season.

His behaviour is outrageous! He’s has child free time, you should also have child free time. I can’t believe his default position is to not be supportive. I would work around him, tell all your family and friends loudly that he won’t do childcare so can they help out for your long runs, and ask everyone to come watch you except him. Shame him and then smash it!

You’re just burying your head in the sand op about the actual issue.

Your husband is a horrible selfish man.

if you don’t want to accept that and do anything about it on your behalf because it’s too painful to admit to yourself, that would be up to you.

but you have kids. You two are currently modelling to them that how families work is that the dad does whatever the hell he wants. The mum doesn’t though, whether that’s a job or a hobby. Choice isn’t available to women. And if she begs for a bit of equality, the man is to go in a mood. Day in and day out, that is what they are learning.

One other practical aspect OP for the long runs, I can’t run for at least an hour after eating, so I used to set an alarm to eat then doze on the sofa for an hour before heading out. Absolute max I can run for without eating in the morning is 10k/1 hour. Just mentioning as it does make getting out for 5am that much harder.

I’ll be honest, just because the London marathon is such a huge deal I think it’s awful of him, but any other marathon, I honestly think people who run marathons do spend too much family time away from the kids, and if you’re going early I’m the morning chances are you’ll be exhausted after work and something will have to give/ the kids will get the brunt of it.

While your dh is being a dick, people here would probably say tables turned- your dh turning around to you saying I’ll do this and this and this because you’ll be here to cover me, would be irritating to say the least!!

OP just crack on. Make your overnight oats, set your alarm loudly for 5am and remind him that he’ll need to be cooking you nutritious meals 😂😂

@Nowarunner2026 have you reminded him how one-sided the give and take, sorry, I mean ‘take and take’ has been? The bloody hypocrite, he needs a shake. You are both working, neither of you is the default parent and you can remind him that he seems to have no problem with all these things as long as it benefits him. The absolute selfish, hypocritical PIG! Ugh. Fuming for you.

Ah, just as I suspected! He doesn’t want you to do a marathon because he couldn’t do one!
I’m willing to bet that if you don’t already earn more than him, this promotion would have made sure you did.
He is just jealous of you and that’s not going to change unless he does some serious work on himself.

How disappointing for you. My partner isn't perfect but has totally supported me in the past with similar. Running the London Marathon is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Training doesn't have to be all consuming either. You can easily do it with 3 runs a week - one long, one short and fast and one recovery. I did it with a 4 and 7 year old and a FT job.

It is a big commitment and most couples with kids would need to have an honest conversation about how a training schedule like that will affect family life and how it will work, but for him to refuse to even have a conversation makes him sound just downright nasty. And the bit about about not wanting OP to progress at work … it just gets worse. I’d like to know from OP in what ways he is a good husband and father. Coz he sounds like a prick.

Just click up football hours v training hours

keep it nice and fair

yeah he’s a selfish probably jealous prick

Gosh, that’s miserable. I would be seriously not amused.

But it would make me dig my heels in more. Training, especially long run days, will take up a chunk of time. But sometimes we need to dream. Take any support you can from anyone and, regrettably, expect him to keep being an ar$e. If it’s important to you, plan to do it with or without his support. I’ve seen so many women grow through running, finding that time just for themselves, slowly tackling distances and the joy of hard earned progress.

In a way, I sympathise with your DH. My DH has done many marathons and I’ve hated the impact it has had on our family life - not just the training but meal timings, tedious talking about his progress etc. But if you've been freeing him for "hobby time" he is being unreasonable not to do the same for you.

Write down a simple calculation of how many hours in the past year, say, you have covered while he went to football. Ask him why you think he was entitled to all that but you aren’t.

And if he still refuses, I’d be tempted not to do the football cover ever again. Go out before it’s time for him to leave.

Mentioned it to DH again and he refuses to talk about it. Point blank won't engage. Says that I he won't support me. Won't come and watch. Won't look after the kids when I want to go running etc.

Surely he hasn't got a choice about that has he? If it is not going to impact him in any way then just go when you want to go, if he starts playing silly bastards to stop you, start doing that yourself with his hobby time and see how he likes it.

Seeing as his dad is being very supportive, could he shed any light on why your DH is being like this?

He really is digging his heels in, so it's not just annoyance at you doing it, he actually wants to stop you from doing it.. has he been controlling before?

Just wtf have I read. From someone who goes to the football every weekend too. I would end my marriage over this. He doesn't seem to care about you at all. You've suggested getting up exceptionally early so as not to impact him (so many women have to work out at the crack of dawn compared to men) and he's still unhappy about it. His entitlement and negativity towards someone he is supposed to live is astounding and will be coming through in other areas of your life too. I hope you leave him and live the life you deserve.