AIBU to expect support for marathon training with two children?

I am a marathon runner and have had similar issues with my DH. I did London this year and he didn’t come or even congratulate me afterwards.

You are getting quite a sympathetic set of responses on here thankfully, I had a similar thread a few years ago (about my husband refusing to look after the kids for half an hour after work so I could go for a run) and was flamed!

Anyway, how I deal with this is to go running very early morning (before he/kids are awake), I sacrifice a weekend lie in for this. I also go during my lunch break or straight after school drop off when WFH. There are ways to make it work, good luck!

He is a dick. After you complete the marathon, seriously considering leaving him.
Find a way to do the training, prioritize yourself. When the kids are asleep, or at a friend's, or ask the grandparents to help a bit.
Go early, go late, but how ever you do it, go run.
So this for you, so you remember how strong and determined you can be.
You will need that determination to finish the race, and to leave that jerk when it's done.

Wow, what an absolutely selfish prick! This is disgusting behaviour from him OP.

I did the London marathon in 2014 and it continues to be one of the best experiences, and the best days of my life. You HAVE to do this while you have the chance to.

I was very lucky in that my DH was very supportive and watched the kids and picked up the slack while I trained, came with me down to London to support me and was very proud of my achievement.

Saying that though, I did do some training when the kids were in bed early in the morning and later in the evenings later on when the training increases and the mileage got longer. The main issue is the long run you need to do. It was vital I had my DH support for that, even with getting up and heading out while the kids were still asleep on a weekend, I was often not back until late morning and my DH had to get them up and sorted while I was out, which he was more than happy to do.

Then I took over for the afternoon shift while he went out for a long bike ride. Its called give and take.

Have you worked out when you would do your runs? Can you do them around the times when the kids will be at school/childminder so it doesn't affect family time as much? Can you get up early on a weekend to do your long run? Either way you are going to find it difficult without his support unless you have someone else who can help with the kids while you train which I really hope you do.

His main reason for refusing to support you is not that it will affect family time, more that it will mean he has to do more with the kids and pick up the slack while you train. That is what his issue is.

It must be so disappointing for you to learn the depths of his utter selfishness NOT to support you and to want this FOR YOU.

I imagine this has left you reconsidering your relationship and whether this man is someone you want to waste any more of your life on.

So you are expected to facilitate him doing football but he won’t reciprocate?

You may as well separate. This man despises you.

Oh dear his appliance is malfunctioning. Poor guy.

@Nowarunner2026 if you had no children he’d be fine with it. So, he obviously doesn’t want to be left looking after the kids.

Forget what he thinks and feels about this. He has to look after his kids whether he likes it or not. Just start training, let him sulk.

Wow what a dick, he won't even discuss it with you, that's inexcusable. I would be thinking about the relationship as a whole, not sure I would want to continue a relationship with someone with that attitude. What a fucking idiot.

When you have pointed out his 10+ years of football training and his away games, what has he said?

Is this consistent with other behaviour towards you?

Does he do an equal amount of the child minding/housework?

Do you go out with friends or take time for yourself in other ways?

What I mean is - say he's a stay at home dad and you already work long hours, and will now need to train at the weekends when he goes to the football matches, the only time he gets to do something for himself, and you are saying that for six or seven months he'll have to give that up to make space for your training, then MAYBE he's not being unreasonable.

But I expect it's not that.

If he's the kind of Dad that never really pitches in, and is throwing a strop because you are finally doing something for yourself, then I think you need to take a long hard look at your relationship.

If this is out of character for him, and he's a 50/50 partner in other ways, apart from his football matches, then play him at his own game. Tell him you'll be going to a friends/parent's house without the kids when he goes to football matches from now on, and he will have to organise and pay for childcare. He won't believe you, so you'll have to get up at the crack of dawn that day and go off in the car. Then he is left with the children and it will be his decision to leave them on their own to go to the match. Unless he's a psychopath, he won't do that. You'll find soon enough that he will stay with the kids while you go training.

Don't get stuck in the argument of whether a marathon is doable, or sensible at your age, or reasonable with young kids. You're doing the marathon, it's that simple, you're not looking for his permission.

I also wouldn't hide it from the family when they asked how the running was going.

"Oh, not very well, really it's hard because Tom tries to hinder it by refusing to have the kids".

He doesn't want to support your dreams or ambitions - its not good enough

I don't say ltb easily, but I would honestly split up over this - and the children would also be told the reason. I wouldn't sugar coat it.

You are entitled to equal free time. He sees you as the default parent, so he can head out to football without checking you are free. I'd be very tempted to just head off for a run 30 mins before he needed to leave for football. I'd also be tempted to add up the hours you have looked after DC whilst he has had time off and tell him you will deduct from this balance.

This is appalling from him on so many levels. What a dick.

Fundamentally this is him saying he won’t support you in fact he is basically preventing you.

I hope you can find a way to do it without him and other people bring your kids along to watch you achieve this!

In the meantime, when are you dumping this useless pos?

Your poor husband’s wifebot is on the blink!

I would not particularly phrase it as wanting "support". I would however expect equal hobby/free time to my husband, and I would use it as I please.

Your husband plays football in his hobby time. Add up how many hours a week he gets for football and other things like socialising without you. Add up how many hours a week you get for any hobbies/socialising. You should both have the same amount of hours. Once you have sorted that out you can use your hours for marathon training if you like.

Your husband doesn't like you. Sorry.