Divorce, house move , cheating husband help please

I presume there will be a court case to go through therefore he has not been found guilty of anything yet. I’m sorry you are having to go through this, OP and hope you lots of support.

@Macmeme

You are an inspiration! Good on you and good luck going forward.

Love your update. Good luck with the new job and the new life.

What he’s done and the conveyancing are different issues.
Get legal advice immediately.
Im 99% sure you have to go through with sale and purchase or suffer 10% penalty on each.
Cheapest option would be to sell, go through with purchase then change mortgage to interest only and sell new house asap. Sharks will be circling to add to your misery.

Personally, this would be the end of the marriage for me.

Do you know whether the police have interviewed him yet?

I try to stay objective — in my line of work I’ve unfortunately seen many cases where allegations weren’t genuine, even if that’s not what MN wants to hear.

He is entitled to the presumption of innocence until proven otherwise, regardless of how unpleasant he may be.

Regarding the house, I would withdraw if that were possible. You’ve said you can’t afford the new property but can manage the current one, and you’ll already be under significant emotional strain.
Alternatively, selling your current home may still be sensible, as it removes one more asset from the divorce process.

I don't think you can go ahead with the purchase, knowing you can't make the payments on your own. I think, like a pp said, the mortgage offer would be withdrawn due to a change in circumstances. You really do need to speak to your solicitor first thing.

Im really sorry OP.

Also, accused doesn't mean guilty. Some women do lie, just as some men do. He's a cheat but he's not necessarily a rapist!

This is only true if OP has exchanged contracts. If not, she can still cancel.

I have nothing to add to all the good advice here. I just wanted to say how sorry I am, this is truly awful and make sure the people around you really dig in and help because this is ugly. Please take care of yourself.

Without the rape accusation you would never have known.
While it is very concerning for you as a woman, your main priority is for yourself and your family.
Get proper legal advice, and soon.
I know there are false accusations of rape, but there are far far far many more cases which don’t get reported, don’t go to trial, or when they go to trial, there is no real justice for the victim.

Thank God most people here won't be on a jury ... he may/may not have rated somebody ... that is why we have a trial!

Do you mean you’ve exchanged contracts? But have yet to complete? If so you would lose the exchange monies. Or do you mean your offer has been accepted? Hopefully the latter and you can pull out. Can your (soon to be ex) husband cover the cost of pulling out if the former?

That clearly wasn’t my intention. I was referring to HIS terminology. Referring to this woman as someone he slept with during an affair when actually it’s a rape victim we are talking about.

Nobody here would think OP complicit in that, least of all me.

Speak to your solicitor ASAP and put whatever you can on hold. Think about cancelling the move. If its too late, go stay with a family member and let him go to the house. Talk to the solicitor about what you have to have in place to sell the house if you need to.

Given the appalling rape statistics in this country, the chance he will be charged, go to trial and be found guilty are vanishingly small, much as I wish this was not the case. Its possible his life will continue much as now, but without you in it. And its possible that he had a consensual affair and then raped her, but it very much sounds like he is trying to minimize what he did.

I am so sorry. Wishing you all the best.

The OP is facing her marriage suddenly ending for a horrible reason. She’s asked what she needs to do and in what order. She isn’t up to a lecture on what her stbx has done.

WTF? Like rapists shouldn’t be punished?

Hey, things seem bad right now but at least your not him right?!

Surely no point aborting house process? As you will still need somewhere to live as this runs its course? Divorces are messy and it’ll take time to get rid of him so I’d personally go for the house then maybe rejig the mortgage in time to extend term etc to reduce the payments.

@Macmeme I agree with @Cyclebabble , you need to speak to a solicitor asap.

I'm not in the UK so can't address specifics of house sales. But I guess my main issue to think about would be whether or not the house will be sold anyway in the divorce or whether you (or he) would have the money to buy the other out.

But also to consider is whether or not you (or he) feel you would be entitled to more than a 50/50 split. For example, if one of you put more into the deposit or if you (or he) will be the main carer for a disabled child who will need special adaptations to a new home. Another complication I know of is that a friend 'got' the house in exchange for signing off on her exHusband's pension pot. There were a lot of complicated calculations before that could be done to prove it was 'equtable'.

If neither of you can buy the other out and there are no 'special circumstances', then I'd probably proceed with the sale and the money would be split 50/50. BUT, you really need to discuss this with a solicitor first.

I know your head is reeling. But when it comes to a large asset, especially a home, you need to take a deep, deep breath and think 'practical'. If possible, have a friend or relative with you when you see a solicitor to serve as a second set of ears. Take the sale contracts with you as they'll show the value of the house and try to figure what the profit will be after any mortgage is paid off.

You'll get through this. You will!!

Tell your solicitor in confidence your dilemma and ask for exchange to be delayed (if possible) just to give tou a teeny bitnof breathing space. Most good solicitors will find an excuse to delay for a brief period.
Then seek proper advice rempenalties, mortgage agreements etc.
Then just deal with thing bit by bit as needed.
Im so sorry you're going through this.

I am sorry OP. I would really seek urgent advice from a qualified lawyer rather than mumsnet. To state the obvious, your STBXH cannot just disappear without any liability for the shit show on the new property. The challenge though is presumably he might be sacked, got to jail and never work again. Take proper legal advice as soon as possible.

Are you buying or renting. Signing contacts often comes quite a while before actual exchange if buying.

You need to speak to whoever is dealing with it.

You could also be in breach of mortgage terms if you choose to proceed from a change of circumstances/ affordability aspect