AIBU to think adopted children need a mother figure?

Children need to be loved and well cared for. That’s what matters. Research clearly shows that sex, gender or sexual preference isn’t relevant.

They can indeed, I have known a few myself. But overwhelmingly, abusers are men.

It isn't that straight forward. Ive seen some children thrive in same sex families, ive seen others desperately need a mother or father figure that they are lacking.

If we look at adoptions only, there is a huge shortage of adopters in the UK as it is. Many potential adopters are same sex couple or single parents. I cant remember the number but its definitely less than 50% that are a mum and dad looking to adopt. When children are waiting years to be adopted, SS arw not going to stop same sex and single parents from adopting. There would be uproar with discrimination protests and possibly lawsuits. Its really difficult. I do think more needs to be done in terms of safeguarding and protection with foster carers listened too more and more done in terms of when a child moves to an adoptive home, more checks are done. There are no where near enough done, in my area anyway.

Exactly. This was made clear on the other thread but it hasn't stopped the OP wanting to rehash a thread that already exists.

Do you think all heterosexual couples adopt for the benefit of the child? They do it because they want a child and most likely can’t do it naturally.

A little boy would benefit more from a father figure

Just how many heterosexual couples do you think are queueing up to adopt? They alternative for many of the children currently with gay couples is being in care their whole childhood.

I used to work with safeguarding children as part of my job. Horrible things keep happening to children, despite ‘lessons being learnt’.

The reasons for this are complex but some individuals are skilled at hiding what’s happening. In some cases, it doesn’t matter how many visits professionals make, it’s impossible to know what’s going on in that home. We used to say, you would literally have to move in and live in that home to know exactly what is happening. Of course that isn’t possible.

I don’t have any answers.

I remember sitting in a hospital waiting room with my mum and a gay couple with a child. We were there three hours waiting. At the end of the evening she said I can’t believe people are so against gay people adopting when you have rich married couples who don’t care about their children. (It was the time that doctor couple left their adopted child back to the country he or she came from because they became pregnant).

This thread is insane almost to the point of ridiculousness and I’d gusss in real life you’re a ‘all men are …’ person and I feel for you that you have had experiences that cause that but my god. Also do you see you now have people saying only a man and woman married couple should have kids? So you’ve caused people to argue whether a single mother can be a good mum.

Honestly go get yourself a hobby, watch some comedy, get out into the real positive world that’s out there

I disagree. I know several all-male couples who have given a happy, stable home to their adopted children. As elsewhere it's not fair to judge whole groups on the actions of individual criminals who happen to belong to those groups.

Agree OP. I also think children benefit from a father figure too. Biology can’t be wrong can it?

Does this mean an end to surrogacy and same sex couples ordering babies?

or is it just non related males?

clearly it’s a failure of the safeguarding system. It happened with baby p, Victoria climbie and many others. Our social workers are overstretched- we need much closer follow ups, possibly 3 monthly GP reviews as well. The signs were there in all these cases, they were missed.

Basically people need to not be abusive twats is the bottom line male or female

Yeah, apparently it's open season on gay men again, Mumsnet. I'm disgusted by this boy's murder but there is no excuse for vile homophobia.

I don't think they need a mum but it would be good if their was an aunt or family friend who was a big part of their life i feel the same the opposite way round to if no dad I think a close male relative or friend is definitely an added bonus. Like they say it takes a village

I just wanted to jump on to say I have been sick to my stomach all day about this case. I feel like I've had a physical reaction to it, I am extremely anxious and sad.
I just cannot believe what humanity is capable of.

the sad reality is that both men and woman hurt their children. This isn't about the men being gay, it's about safeguarding. There was no adequate safeguarding. This system keeps failing children, whether the parents are heterosexual or not.

Is that you John Bowlby?

Yes. A woman. That's the point @AmberSpy is making. A parent figure being female is not automatically a safer choice.

Yes, that's the point I'm trying to make. Having a woman, or in Star's case two women, in the house is not automatically protective in the way some posters on this thread are suggesting.

Children need a stable loving home. Regardless what form that comes in.

Baby Preston had a mother, doing jail time for murdering a pensioner. What he needed was not to be adopted by 2 violent paedophiles. Or at the very least, the authorities to do something about it once they became involved. We keep seeing this stuff. The Government is dysfunctional. Presumably they didn't want to seem homophobic.

Err Star Hobson was killed by her mother's girlfriend.

I do wonder about this.

Not that I think gay couples are unsuitable parents. But whether they were bumped up because they were gay rather than because they were the most suitable couple looking to adopt at the time. Whether cool tickbox values overrode serious evaluation. There must have been scores of more suitable couples desperate to adopt a young baby.

I think it isn't straight forward.

Some children may be very attached to their birth mother, and be considered unable to become attached to another female mother figure.

In contrast some may be traumatised by previous experience with a female care giver so considered unlikely to attach to another female carer.

Are you coming back to continue the discussion you have started, OP?