AIBU to think adopted children need a mother figure?

This.

There was. And the OP, another woman, had to come on the internet to ask if she was being unreasonable to think this was a bit off. I don't think the word 'report' was mentioned in her OP, until one of the first replies used it.

There was a thread a couple of days ago where the OP's female friend was being abusive (starving and locking outside in the cold) her foster child.

And the tiny baby, Thea near Glasgow who was recently murdered by her 'mother'.

This is yet another "lessons must be learnt", when lessons are very unlikely to be learnt while social workers are severely overworked and underpaid, and under-resourced.

As a lesbian mum I'm fairly appalled by much else on this thread.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/943881741330200/

https://www.facebook.com/reel/943881741330200/

You wouldn’t say that if you knew my mother. I’d have rather just had my dad.

As a single, female adopter of 20 years, I’d just like to point out that very few married, heterosexual couples are stepping up to adopt. There are currently 3,000 babies and children in England waiting for their forever homes. Prospective adopter numbers are at their lowest level for years. I’ve stepped up and given a loving, safe and nurturing home to two of society’s most vulnerable and complex children. It would be great if others here were motivated by all the adoption threads regarding Preston Davey on here and considered doing the same. Even if they are not married or heterosexual.

I dunno, my mother was pretty abusive.

The Harts were a lesbian couple who beat and starved six children before eventually driving them off of a cliff

Surrogacy has never and will never be ok.

It’s a truly horrific case. What is upsetting is not only was the abuse missed by the social workers but by friends and family too. Regardless of the gender of the people adopting surely checks should be made to make sure the child would have other people in their lives. Grandparents or even friends that would see them and notice things.

I don't think it is that simple.

What children really need is love and appropriate care. I think if we approach it from that angle it is better than arbitrary box ticking.

Thr issue here is that these kids don’t get a choice between imperfect adopted home vs perfect adopted home. There are not enough adopters. It’s imperfect adopted home vs permanent foster care, which equals no settled home. Ever.

That is not better.

Bunnyofhope

So all abusers are men so all men must be abusers? No sorry, I will never believe that

Nope, don't agree.

For a very long time children straight people have made have become the responsibility of the gay community to raise when the straight families are in chaos or adversity.
Sex or sexuality aren’t the problem here, predators are.
You aren’t telling me that baby Preston’s murderers didn’t know prior to his adoption they were depraved paedophiles? Same way the gay men who adopted in the USA also turned out to be horrific predators. But it’s such a small minority of those who adopt.
I definitely welcome tighter restrictions on who can adopt and that would also include a full search of potential adopters browsing history and discussions about sex and pornography with a psychiatrist, to really ensure that the potential parent is not someone who is accessing content of a specific nature or even someone who is addicted for porn. That is what’s led to high levels of paedophilia in the recent times.
We had a devastating death of another baby killed by adopted parents not that long ago in the uk.
I think turning gay couples away is a scary slope we don’t want to go down, gay men can make incredible fathers, lesbians amazing mothers and their are countless children who would pick their parents time and time again to raise them given the choice.

Tensions are high right now but this isn’t the way. We can’t outward ban an entire community because of a few outliers. Nor should any child be collateral damage because people don’t want to seem as though they’re not treating any minority groups fairly. We need tighter laws in place, if a social worker had been able to spot check devices, they’d have seen child abuse images, (and in the case of baby leiland James, texts about him would have uncovered how unsafe he was) things like that should be mandatory. That would also discourage those with the wrong intentions to even apply to adopt.

Like Fred West? That kind of married heterosexual? Great plan.

It's definitely not insane. It's safeguarding. We know absolutely for definite that men abuse children more than women. We know that men carry out nearly all child sexual abuse. It's not in doubt at all. Please tell me you don't dispute this. We also know that the biggest risk to children is from male household members who are not related to them biologically.
So that being the case, is placing a baby with two men who are not related to him a risk worth taking when safer options were available? Keep in mind of course that adoption is not ever for the benefit of the prospective parents.

Families ome in .many types. Key thing is that the parents have to be really committed to the serious business of parenting. A surprising number of parents are not. Hence many threads on mumsnet. DCs year group had a couple of lesbian and gay parents. The kids thrived and did really well. They were very good with the kids.

There are plenty of fucking awful abusive mothers out there, fucking awful abusive same sex female couples (ruby franke, the hart family) and plenty of fucking awful abusive straight men in heterosexual relationships. These men abused and murdered a child because they are scum, not because they are a gay couple.

By all means we need to make sure that social workers etc aren’t ‘making allowances’ for adopters who are gay/black/disabled/whatever out of pathetic fear of being seen as bigoted, but that level of stringency and child-first thinking should be the case for ALL adoptive parents.

Yes. What needs to happen is better funding of the and employment of social workers, who are frequently ridiculously overburdened with caseloads, leading to appalling situations.

Do you realise why this baby was up for adoption op? Do you think she'd have been a safe pair of hands?