AIBU to quit coaching because of difficult and aggressive parents?

I don’t coach but my kids play and I’ve seen what you describe first hand. I don’t envy you!

This is why my DD stopped doing football refereeing. Grown ass fathers bullying a 15 year old girl. It was disgusting.

OP I wouldn’t quit but I would make sure some very strict rules are enforced as a condition to carrying on.

Yes this is worth a try

I think the problem with banning kids for their parents is that they'll probably get even more aggressive. Bad mouthing you online. Turning up yelling etc. This type of man will treat you worse as a woman than they would a man doing the same thing.

I would ask the organisers to send an email saying that the activity may not be able to continue because the coaches are being abused verbally by parents and it is not worth their time. Set out some rules of behaviour for parents and any breach means they will be given a warning asked to leave. Obvs worded differently.

I agree they should but let’s be honest, it’s just shouting into the void unless there’s any meaningful sanction for misbehaviour.

Club needs to send an email reminding parents how to behave and manage expectations re selection etc.

Before quitting, it might be worth going all out and saying things like they are and maybe issuing a retrospective no tolerance policy to all your clients. This might feel out of character for you, but you might find this sort of bad behaviour is reduced by it so worth giving it a try.

If you continue, I would get the parents to sign an agreement up front and make it absolutely crystal clear that you will no tolerate any form of intimidation and the coaching will potentially cease immediately if anyone misbehaves. You would find that many parents will quietly be pleased as they're just as sick as you are of pushy parents. If you're thinking of quitting anyway, it's surely worth giving it a go.

I'd get tough before quitting before it sounds like you could potentially enjoy this.

Yup, got this as a girl guide leader too.

Had some keyboard warrior mum try to get me "sacked" from my volunteer role because her daughter was a bully and I wasn't going to stand for it in my unit.

She even started making false accusations about me at my actual work.

Some people are psychotic. I could totally see where her daughter got it from!

If you are on the verge of quitting then you have nothing to lose by pushing to make sure boundaries are enforced. There should be a strict code of conduct around parents’ behaviour. A warning email sent to a parent who acts aggressively/unreasonably, followed by banning the parents from the grounds or the child from the sport if the parent doesn’t clean up their act. Take it up assertively with the people running it, have an email send out prior to enforcement explaining the policy. Or some of the other very good ideas suggested here. You shouldn’t have to put up with abuse and aggression at work.

How about this approach:
Communication to all parents informing them that aggressive or hostile behaviour will not be tolerated and setting out the consequences. Decisions about teams etc. are the coach’s to make, are final, and no discussions will be entered into.
If an aggressive parent does corner you, tell them “I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice” and walk away.
Ban for the children of aggressive parents. One warning then OUT. It’s a shame for the kids but a line needs to be drawn.

Such a shame that pushy parents are spoiling it for you and the children.

Husband coaches and is ending this year because of exactly this. All the parents think their little Johnny is a prodigy and not yet another slightly mediocre child who doesn't really want to be there, but because competitive dad and pushy mum insist. Pre-covid, at least some of the parents used to volunteer and help out. Now, they expect to turn up, leave their children to it while they go to the bar and then demand a 1:1 progress summary at the end, instead of even watching the session. They don't mark their child as available to play in matches, then complain when they don't get selected. Or drop out at an hour's notice because the parents decided to do something else that day, leaving husband scratching around trying to find another player. It is utterly thankless and time consuming so now our kids are older and playing independently, he is going to go back to playing himself.

Grassroots sport is going to die out if the recent cohort of parents keep increasing their demands and decreasing their engagement.

YANBU. I remember how over invested parents would be on the sidelines when my 10 year old son was playing football. This was at a very mediocre level even for kids' sport.

YANBU. I have seen it time and again in several sports. Coaches and volunteers get a lot of hassle from parents. DH volunteers as a judge in a particular sport and has had a few run ins with parents. He still does it because if he doesn’t then the races can’t go ahead, but it’s tough. I imagine coaching is worse.

I think this may be par for the course with extracurricular activities that involve competitive progression. When my daughter was at dancing she progressed hugely and the bitterness the owner got and accusations of favouritism and group chats of bitching were non stop. Not that I'm saying it's in anyway ok op, you need to have a really strong firm stance and call a meeting with the parents and explain exactly how things are

This is the best option.
Parents are banned from watching swimming where my child goes too except the end of term exhibition

There is never any excuse for aggression. Can you join another company/voluntary group that offers the sport nearby?

How aware of the aggression are the people running the organisation? Are you comfortable talking to them and letting them know how you feel? I would think they should take the risk to employees/volunteers very seriously.

I agree with previous posters, get rid of the kids with problem parents followed by a letter/email explaining that such behaviour won’t be tolerated. That should send a message loud and clear to everyone else.

I think it would be worth trying to establish some behaviour expectations before walking away.

Have you ever said 'I am not comfortable with the tone of this conversation' and stepped away?

It's hard to know how bad it is without more info about the club rules and your personal boundary setting.

But I don't doubt the issue exists, all parents have observed it!

You say the people running it can only do so much, but what have they actually done? For example, have they sent an email round to all parents stating that being rude and abusive to staff and volunteers won’t be tolerated and what the consequences would be?

It depends how regular it is to be honest op, if it’s happened a handful of times or only a few parents then giving up a job you love it’s a shame when actually the parents need to be told eg their kid is coming up with excuses so the parents need to decide it’s worth continuing.

Yanbu. At my swim club we get it and we’re even blooming volunteeers! Entitlement is off the charts. Even small things ‘what time is training’ as if the VOLUNTEER chairman - who kindly in her free time created a website with all the answers- is their personal PA. Leave op, and detail why.

I think that now that you have crossed that mental line, why not become much more assertive?

‘I understand your point of view but feel you are being confrontational in your way of speaking. I am doing this coaching voluntarily/in my spare time and don’t have to accept being spoken to like that.’

Only agree to conversations if they are sitting down. That automatically defuses things and reduces the physical intimidation.

The other option is to ask for the organisers to send around an email, reminding parents of appropriate conduct.

Does the national sport association have a code of conduct?

I have a very mixed relationship with volunteering. I love it but have had the most stressful and infuriating experiences, including a similar confrontation with a hostile man at an event where I was volunteering. It somehow becomes even more galling because you are doing it voluntarily in the first place!

I can empathise.

I volunteered with a sport for a number of years. Then when I went for an interview for a job related to this sport, I was asked what I had found the most challenging aspect of this role.

I didn't even consider my answer and automatically responded with The Parents. I received full agreement back from the interview panel

I do often wonder, how so many parents don't realise how demanding/overpowering/entitled they can be

Is it a sport where parents watch? I remember watching the programmes about Crystal Palace a couple of years ago. This focussed on the child/youth teams and was illuminating! As you would expect, some parents were awful! As a result of poor behaviour, some were removed from the standard pitch side watching areas and had to watch from afar. The parents were screaming and shouting coaching instructions to dc as they were playing! And this was Crystal Palace! Even their staff needed to be saints. Obviously you don’t have their resources but is there any way you can keep parents at arm’s length? Eg - collect dc outside the changing room? No contact with coaches? Not sure what else you can do because it’s common behaviour from awful parents. At Palace, some mums were dreadful too!

I think you should send a communication to all your parents and explain that you will not continue training their kids if this continues .

Can you explain the structure of your organisation- are you paid by a company to do this ? Presume you are not a volunteer…