AIBU to quit coaching because of difficult and aggressive parents?

Maybe coach a different sport, you don’t get this at rugby

Can you print off a leaflet/letter for every child for their parents, explaining that aggressive parents are not acceptable and will be banned, along with their child, from future sessions? One strike and out.

I also disagree

Triathlon jas a rule

if you heckle the children competing your child is disqualified

your club could bring in a rule

if the coach is harassed by any parents about the Childs training - they will be suspended for 3 weeks

the parents will take note if it means their child doesn't get to play/compete

If a man corned me in that threatening way I would whip my phone out, film him and threaten to send it to the police if he did not immediately apologise and back down.

100%

@StressedOutFedUp what you are experiencing is awful. But please dont quit, or if you do make it known why.

People need telling that their behaviour is unacceptable, they need challenging and calling out on it or its just going to get worse and worse

Can you maybe offer your services to schools and youth centres? That way you don't have to deal with parents

No parents at coaching sessions at all. Is this possible?

It's happened for years, usually it's those who offer the least who expect the most! About 40 years ago I was responsible for a Primary school's netball team on a base in Germany. We had a tournament on the base and one father in particular, a senior NCO, was being a real PITA, I asked him to cool it, then to go away and eventually threatened to get the Red Caps to remove him!
My family members have done a lot with a local rugby team, one mother approached my daughter who was sorting out lunch for the players for
when they were clean and dressed, this mother complained about the veggie choice, the suggestion that she joined the helpers was met with blank looks, Moi? !

Not just mothers. Dads share the blame. And can be especially awful in the context of sports.

I think you need participants to sign up to a contract with terms and conditions that include zero tolerance (as in can't use the service any more) of this type of behaviour with no refunds. At my child's football for example we are not permitted to shout from the sidelines and would be banned by the club we have signed up to if we broke this rule. Seems like someone is failing in their duty of care to those delivering the service, if you are operating under the auspices of an organisation eg the FA.

This is what teachers have to put up with and is the reason so many get out.

YANBU.

Are the skills you learned in your training transferable to some other area? Can you go freelance in some way?

Pushy parents are the pits. I feel so sorry for the children.

I once watched the mother of an enormously talented young violinist pick holes in everything the poor child did from how she walked on stage to how she took her bow - in between she had played like a genius! It was very upsetting.

I think you should take your wonderful enthusiasm and motivation elsewhere.

Its a hard one. I can see this from a few sides - as a parent and someone now involved in the club for that sport (Glutton for punishment).
Not all students want to learn, not all coaches want to teach/coach. Effort can lack from both parties, and I bet that the kids are telling parents that coach isn't doing xyz - whilst also not putting in much effort.
My kids sport has some completely uncoachable participants - but they are really good at the sport so that works out.

Is this the 1st time you have felt like this? Or, is it something you are feeling nearly every time you coach?

Do you need to decide if you love it enough to get over that? Or can you push to make a change that would help stop this for your and other coaches.

What rules can the club put in place to stop parents interfering - and also - have a clear grading structure, and progression pathways so that parents can be informed?

Our current sport has that with governing body, but at club/coaching level its not clear as every coach has a different approach and it is confusing to some parents. I can say that as a parent that has been through 2 coaches now because of favouritism and lack of teaching basic skills correctly (this has been checked by other coaches to confirm), so I admit that I don't blindly take a coaches word for things - but I also know my kid does it for fun, not with any aim of greatness.

But yes, some people are also just morons.

For as long as I have done sports, from being a kid to having kids, here are ALWAYS going to be pushy parents! Or parents that missed their dream and live it through their kids.
We have removed 1 kid from a sport because of other parents, and a coach, thinking 8yr old football was premier league!

Been in a similar situation and didn’t get support from those volunteers running the overall activity when I was doorstepped by an aggressive father. I quit, never felt that was the wrong decision. Volunteers running the overall activity were all male and they dismissed the impact of male aggression on me as it wasn’t physical (yet).

In my daughters primary school, there is one teacher that doesn't play.

There was a school play/ concert being organised and a mother gave her grief that her Sarah wasn't the lead.

The teacher promptly cancelled the whole event and openly named the parent that had caused it.

There was uproar. However, it was fully supported by the Principal and it reverberated around the school and beyond.

That is some years ago but when you start in Reception it is a story that is told to parents.

The teachers do not mess about in this school!

YANBU. My friend recently gave up coaching and looks 5 years younger. Kept at it for too long for the DC and the time already put in. Parents were impossible.

I disagree that "there is only so much the organisers can do".

The organisation needs to protect coaches, because the sport won't happen without them.

The orgsnisation needs to be 100% clear thatvan agresdive behaviour by parents means a ban, and they need to stick to it

Don't disagree at all.

Im sorry this is happening to you and I totally understand. I volunteered as a coach for 6 years and by the end, while I loved the majority of the kids and know I made a difference to them, two of the dads in my last season put the nail in the coffin and never again. I still love the sport and occasionally manage a team if needed but refuse to put up with that nonsense any more.

Please don't give up remember why you started this and whst gives you good feeling. If you can transfer to another club or ask for some support when dealing with parents, like always being someone else there. Why should you make the sacrifice again.? You are doing a good job for the children.

It depends about the service you are providing. Are you paid or are you a volunteer? I am guessing this is football because that often comes with parents that cannot behave but I might be wrong.

Is the group a business and all about their profit? Is this a local community group that charges a small fee to cover their expenses?

We have a local childs football group and I know a couple of the people that run it. If any parents behave like that they are given a first warning and told in no uncertain terms what will happen if they persist. If it happens again they are told to find their children an alternative club because they will not be playing for the team again.

It's sad to exclude a child because of the parents actions but this is the only real deterrant.

@StressedOutFedUp sadly I have found it is the parents that ruin it for volunteers. Have run brownies, guides, beavers and DH has run cricket training in the past. We loved the kids - but the parents are often aggressive (why didn’t my child get picked? Why are they playing that position? Why didn’t they get a place on the camping trip?), quick to pick fault despite not having done the training, entitled by the fact that they play the organisation a termly subscription that is a pittance and now feel that you are the hired help and/or cheap childcare - very much in evidence as they get bladdered at the bar during matches and let other children and dogs run riot. Oh, and they often just don’t bother turning up to important fixtures/matches or ‘cancel’ 2 hours beforehand because the sun is shining and they’ve had an invite to a BBQ/party [sorry, we double booked]. That one killed my DH as he scrabbled around to find a kid that had had to reconcile the fact that they not been chosen initially and cajole his parents (who felt slighted he/she was not first pick) into bringing them along. Strangely it was mainly the away matches that it impacted as they couldn’t be arsed to drive across the county [and wouldn’t be able to prop up the bar]…

DH and I both loved the kids and felt we got back more than we gave them, but both decided after lockdown and a forced break that we would not go back. The stress of the parents was the cruncher.

“If you are not happy I understand why you are removing your child from the session. Let me say goodbye to child “

and no watching training sessions

Ban the parents. My daughters coach is known for it so nobody dares gives him grief. Chucks the parents out if he doesn't like how they talk to him, or their kids. Chucks kids out too if they aren't polite to parents and him. He's ruthless about it. That's what you need to do, word will get around and nobody will mess with you. Its awful that you have to do it, but don't let bullies ruin something you've worked for, and fundamentally enjoy.

This happened with my son in law , he was manager of the team from prob age 4-15 , mixed group of boys/ personalities and the aggressive parents who questioned so many of his decisions . Eventually he found another person to take over the team and walked away from them as he was getting so stressed . The team folded less than 7 months later . Parents underestimate the time, energy and effort that goes into running a football team at grassroots level!