AIBU to quit coaching because of difficult and aggressive parents?

I'd print off a load of letters stating you won't tolerate aggressive and threatening behaviour from parents. State you'll be ceasing to coach if this continues. And add anything else relevant.

It's disgusting.

I quite a job in a school because of difficult and aggressive parents.

I would never work with familes again as long as I live.

I feel for you OP! Some parents think the world revolves around them and are a bloody nightmare.

Change area ? We have one set of football teams with aggressive dads like this sucking the fun out of everything, 5 minutes down the road and it's an entirely different demographic and feel.

The first one is adjacent to a popular pub 😆 the other one requires a walk down a muddy path.

This
my brother in laws best mate is a cricket coach and he has this but it got nipped in the bud
some parents are just ridiculous forcing kids to do hobbies they aren’t even interested in!

Can you have a think about boundaries first and how to enforce them which could include a message to all the parents and how disappointing some behaviour is and what won't be tolerated and consequences for braking a boundary. You would obviously need to the support of the organisation to do this. If you don't get the support, or parents continue to play up then you can consider quitting.

Bonkers

I coach a male dominated sport too so wholly sympathise and can well imagine. I would however urge you not to quit as female coaches are few and far between already. I would send (with the club) an formal email to parents outlining behaviour expectations and consequences for not complying. I've developed a hard shell when coaching that comes with age, experience and confidence but my advice:

1. Have zero tolerance for shit. If the club don't support this then find one that does. For example in my club, if I report any threatening or aggressive behaviour the club ask me how I wish to proceed and if I say enough, they're out.
2. Be more vocal: this one is harder and I'm loathe to say it for fear or sounding like I'm victim blaming but you need to get yourself a reputation for being no-nonsense and outspoken. The minute a parent starts spouting off at you or in ear shot or being in any way intimidating you need to be on them straightaway and very loudly so they & everyone else can hear. You make it very clear you will not be intimidated/spoken to like this or they will be asked to leave and their child could lose their place on the team.

We shouldn't have to deal with any of this but the sad fact is too many (mainly but not exclusively) men think bullying is the answer .
And don't get me started on the demands on the Whatsapp groups: no, I will not remind you where the match is it's on the website and in an email sent 3 days ago; yes you do need to make your own arrangements to get there, no your child won't be playing until you pay subs; yes your child is on the bench because they haven't been to training/misbehaved/hasn't got the right equipment.

A very sensible approach.

Just don’t get followed! 🤣

I hope it's not swimming. DS is doing swimming for GCSE and will be moving to the swim team at our local gym as training in a couple of weeks. I don't know if I can cope with crazy parents. Hopefully I can drop him and slope off to the cafe for coffee and no one will ever know that we're connected!!!

YANBU I stopped working with kids in certain settings because of the parents.

It’s the poor kids I feel sorry for having to have them as parents.

If you enjoy the kids and sport, could you look at similar roles but that have less parent involvement eg camps or PE teacher.

There needs to be consequences for parents who behave like this.

In education there is a phrase - what you tolerate you promote. If schools can ban parents from the buildings you certainly can.

Can you get the organisation on board with a code of conduct for parents & their backing if you remove children from the team due to parents behaviour?

It will be rocky to start but the message will get through. What have you got to lose. You may well attract more parents of the sort you want if word gets round.

OP, are you a volunteer or paid, it's unclear?

My advice is the same eithe rway, but the exact wording might vary.

the people in charge - whether that's you or someone else - should be circulating some sort of code of conduct, for both children and parents. And insisting it is adhered to - your child is out if they dont.

I also think polite honesty is important, "I kow you'd like your child to play in th enext match but at practice he consistently finds excuses to sit out and not participate. I certainly can't include him if he's not demonstrating commitment or working on his skills."

Is there any support from your sport's club, local board, or national governing body? Most of them are getting pretty good on guidance for dealing with aggressive parents.

This is a real shame. We have similar experiences at school with aggressive parents so we have a really clear policy in place around zero tolerance, we've had parents banned from the playground and school premisses. It's all very embarrassing for the child.

Thankfully I've not seen this behaviour at our rugby club. I think it helps that the coaches are volunteer parents but attitudes are good anyway. The messaging is around the ethos being to develop players who carry on playing the sport as adults and enjoy it, it's not about beasting them to become the next international superstar.

I've also had experience as a gymnastics parent in a more elite stream and that's where I can imagine sometimes this kind of attitude could come through.

What are your employers like regarding the messaging that parents and carers receive when the child joins up and through the year? Are there agreements signed that state what the coaches, children and parents all should expect and are responsible for? A relationships policy about the sport and training only working when there's mutual respect from all three parties. Any posters at the facility about zero tolerance for abuse towards staff?

Have you spoken with your manager? Or the trustees? From a governance perspective, it's my responsibility as a board member or volunteer trustee to ensure the safety and wellbeing of our volunteers and staff so I need to make sure we've got policies and procedures in place for that.

Introduce a parents conduct policy and make them sign it. We have a thing called silent sidelines where I am which does not stop parents from cheering but rather stops the nonsense behaviour. We are absolutely ardent with our kids around having entitled expectations around coaches time and energy because DH and I have been involved in many of their hobbies as coaches and leaders but many parents are not like that.

Can the club remind the parents that coaches are to be respected by the parents. The football club thst my son attend send often reminder to the parents in the group chat that coaches are benevoles and should be respected. Any disrespect will result in ban. It works well enough.

> "I'll pull my DC out if you don't....."
I'd say "I think removing your child is probably the best thing for them and you"

And this is why I stop volunteering with Scouts...the kids were great, the parents not so much

I quite like DD’s gymnastics clubs approach. The coaches stand inside the door with the register and bellow “safeguarding - no parents past the door!” at anyone who approaches. Any issues, you’re asked to either hand over a note or email the club admin (who I think may run a “one annoying strike and you’re out” policy), all of which are in the T&C’s when you sign up.

Sadly, you find this type of behaviour from parents in schools too. Their child is the most important person in the entire school.....why should my child have to XYZ, why isn't my child doing XYZ, why has X been chosen over my child, my child is a good boy/girl they wouldn't do X....you get the picture here.

You're a volunteer, so in some ways it makes the parents behaviour even worse. If it wasn't for you, their child wouldn't be able to learn the sport.

This. DS is a tennis coach and his club have a ban-list/zero tolerance policy. He hated it at first - felt really awkward having to tell 'grown-ups' to back off (and he is yr 6ft + bloke!) but knowing it is a club policy and he has a list (I mean - it seems crazy even to think this should have to be the case!) means he can default back to the club and it gives him absolute support and authority.

The OP has trained to coach something they are passionate about and your answer is to go and train for something else if the parents are a problem - rather than sort the problem