AIBU to quit coaching because of difficult and aggressive parents?

Shame, these aggressive and self entitled attitudes are actually harmful to all, not just teachers, coaches but the children in the team as well as the bully parent's own children. Just awful.

No, definitely not. This is something I’ve noticed getting increasingly worse in the last 10 years and this is echoed by Teacher friends as well

No, things have shifted in the last 2/3 generations

Have parents always bee so entitled?

Definitely this.
Ban the confrontational parents, and let them take their kids elsewhere.
Good riddance.
You will be doing the children who want to learn, and the parents who are genuine a massive favour.
Do not give up on something you love.

I hear you OP. I volunteer in a sport in a number of capacities including coaching and club secretary. Most of the kids and most of the parents are at least ok, many are really nice, but we have a vocal minority who drive me mad. I don't know if there's something in the water this year but I have been typing the words "Please remember that all our coaches and club officials are unpaid volunteers" an awful lot recently.
I don't think you can win. When everything goes completely smoothly, well it can't be very much work can it, it looks really easy, but as soon as there is any minor problem you are an incompetent idiot. And what do you mean by finishing 4 mins early this week, they're paying for this you know! (A whole £3 an hour 🙄)
I go through peaks and troughs. I'm in a trough right now as I often get a bit worn down about half way through the year and we've had several big competitions close together which are really hard work and have a tendency to provoke petty complaints.
But I know I'll get my get up and go back in a bit, and whenever I'm about to throw the towel in something nice usually happens to stop me!
Of course you are not unreasonable to give up if a voluntary activity if it is bringing you no pleasure but do be sure you're not just in a temporary trough. "Never give up on your worst day" has proven to be good advice for me.
Well done on everything you've achieved. It's valuable, even if you don't feel appreciated

My husband quit coaching for the same reason.

he put hours into it.. and his own money.. to make it a good experience for kids.

He was constantly berated my parents….the final straw was when he asked for parents to confirm if their child was attending a tournament. He got hardly any responses despite sending out reminders… making it really difficult to plan. He ordered pizza as a post match treat for the kids.. out of his own pocket… and a parent had a go at him as the kids had to share a pizza as double the amount of people turned up as had confirmed.

After years of utter bullshit that was that.. he quit the same day

It's just incredibly immature. It's much easier for children to deal with not being in the spotlight all the time if parents reassure them it's a normal part of life and their time will come. This build resilience and perseverance. Maybe some parents want their dc to be the winner the the favourite and best ALL THE TIME.

Personally I think that's quite unstable.

Most likely because they think it reflects on them as people. If their kids are losers then so are they. Clearly very insecure and see their children as an extension of themselves.

Some parents seem to become incredibly jealous when their child's friends in a hobby outperform their own child, even occasionally. Can anyone explain the psychology behind this kind of seething jealousy?

Personally, I've always been happy when my dc friends do well. I tell my them that there will be other opportunities and that everyone gets their moment at different times. I'm curious about what drives some parents to react so negatively when another child shines.

Completely sympathise OP I don’t know what the answer is: my DSis and BIL used to run and under 9’s football team and two of the parents had a fisticuffs fight in full view of the children!!!! They take it far too seriously and my sister decided as a voluntary position it was far too much placating the parents (she loved the coaching etc but hated the way the parents behaved sometimes) and again it was the minority who spoilt it for the majority
i wish you luck 🍀 and hope you can continue the training with a better club / place

Ouch 😂 not heard that one!

If that was in reference to not being able to see .y daughter, it was a dance show and the girl in front of her was out of formation 😂

Acting wise she gets the biggest parts no trouble (even though shes small 😉)

I’ve attended two drama schools. The saying is: “There are no small parts - only small actors”.

Our son is moving school and we recently went to an introductory morning at new school. At pick up, some dad was waiting for his kid (also an newbie) and was like (of his daughter) “OH it’s HER choice to come to this school, she drove it all! SHE rules the roost”.

I was just like “Jesus wept”. This was after he’d asked the waiting room at large why we were moving our kids from one school to another. Hell is (or at least can be) other parents.

I absolutely wouldn't blame you for wanting to stop. Whether voluntary or paid, you don't have to put up with abusive behaviour.

However, as its clearly something that you invested time and money into qualifying to do, seem to enjoy aside from the difficult families, could you start with establishing a policy that aggressive and abusive behaviour from participants or families will not be tolerated and anyone conducting themselves in this manner will no longer be accepted for lessons/coaching? I'm sure someone else can/has worded better than me. Is there anyway you can kick those families out, and maintain the reasonable ones? It would make it a much better and fairer environment for everyone to flourish. I've definitely seen similar done before for a variety of clubs (although completely appreciate it could be hard to get in place and you absolutely don't have to if you would rather quit and be done with it)

Used to be a Youth Football Coach.

On one occasion, after substituting someone's son, the father grabbed me by the throat in a rage.

I wouldn't blame you for wanting to stop.

Here's a sample parent code of conduct - see points 7, 12, 13, 17.
https://www.swimleeds.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2026/02/parents-code-of-conduct.pdf

Is there no welfare or safeguarding person to back you up?

Does your club not have a Parent Code of Conduct?
https://www.swimming.org/swimengland/safeguarding-information-parents/

Stage mums are frightening too. I know one. So aggressive and delusional about her kid. The child isn't terrible, just totally average.

Please keep in mind that the ones you notice are the assholes. The majority aren't but I do understand if you are fed up with those who are acting like twats.

Could you have a written agreement like they do in schools - a code of conduct - for both the parents and children?

If they don’t abide by it then they get a warning, if they break the rules again then they are barred from signing up in the future, or something? 🤷‍♀️

I coached football. I did it because there was a lot of demand for girls to join a well-established local club, and they didn't have enough coaches.

I hated it. The parents were, at times, awful: questioning decisions, complaining, disappearing on the days when it was chucking it down and someone had to put up nets. There was one parent who was almost always there, offering lifts to matches, helping with the equipment or running the line. Most of the others just disappeared when we needed help. Sometimes parents would collect children late, and one day, this was half an hour late and really ate into my Saturday. There was no apology.

I was on a coaching team with mostly guys, and another woman. The woman was really passive aggressive and undermined me a lot of the time. A couple of the guys were really nice but one of them just talked over me the whole time, took over my sessions, and I ended up feeling like a spare part.

I was so glad to quit when my daughter said she did not want to do football anymore.

I run a karate club now. I sort of inherited it and did not set out to become an instructor. It's funny because most of the parents are fine; they never interfere with our teaching or question it - maybe because they can't wander in off the street and claim they know how or what to teach! We do still have problems with some people being late to pay or not responding to emails, but overall it is a much better experience than the football club ever was.

Yeah the entitlement is unreal.
Kids cant be good at everything.
And some school years are wierd! My eldest had MEGA clever and sporty kids in her class well above average in most things and she is intelligent but not sporty so really felt lacking, but i just kept reassuring her that she would find her talent and she did its acting/drama and is is just so good at it....
My youngests year group she is above and beyond one of the most intelligent (im not boasting sorry if it comes out that way) and is exceptionally good at gymnastics and dance and others are nowhere near here....
A lot of the time its luck about whose in your class/groups.

Ive never complained to any teacher or volunteer about my children's involvement etc. The only time I have complained was a particular placement of children in a show, my dd is very short and she was placed behind a very tall girl...couldnt see her for entire show....turns out the tall girl stood in wrong place 😂 but even though I complained I wasnt aggressive or angry

I assume you are part of an organisation - there should be structures in place if this is the case - if not - ask..

If it is just you, then make it part of the terms and conditions of sign up that certain behaviours will not be accepted.

eg: Complaints procedure - in writing (whatsapp / email) with follow up within 48 hours also by whatsapp / email. If this is not resolved, face to face can be arranged within 2 weeks but not before, during or after training as this distracts from the focus of the training. Should the issue remain unresolved, you reserve the right to terminate the relationship and refund 50% of remaining fees.. for example.

If needed, you could also put an assessment process in place with a kind of parents evening.. I suspect that few will turn up and this will resolve lots of the queries.

However, you do not sound like you are enjoying this - is there another way that you can use your skills? younger ages where parents are required to participate alongside their children or older ages where parents are not part of the picture at all?

Keep reiterating the code of conduct, expectation of participation, respect. And if parents say they will take their children out - so be it. You might find you get more people staying if the difficult families leave. Make it clear in your terms and conditions if they pay upfront for a term, whether they do or do not get a refund if they decide to leave.

Fill your life with things you love - if it does not bring you joy and you have other options - take those other options. If you need the money, find a way to make it tolerable. Maybe request parent volunteers to help manage the start and end of the session so they can filter the complaints and insist that parents make their complaints in writing. Start each session with a reiteration of the expected levels of conduct and give children the option to sit out, if they do not want to participate, with the consequences that they will not progress / participate in games. If there are other coaches, speak to them, suggest that you pair up, swap groups or other ways where it is not all on you alone.

Absolutely this.