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Original poster

Husband coming home pissed from pub

159 replies

Walesss7 · 17/06/2026 23:38

He’s been watching football down the road, is absolutely bladdered and has fallen into bed and sharted right next to me.

Luckily still clothed but I’ve sent him downstairs. What is wrong with these men? I am dreading the rest of the tournament, it’s a bloody Wednesday night and he has work tomorrow!

OP posts:
Cyclebabble · 18/06/2026 08:34

I have a tolerance for DP getting a bit lary watching England, but shitting himself is way outside of my tolerance. I hope you are not entertaining cleaning any of this up and I would be having series words when he was sober. It would give me a series ick.

CheddarBiscuit · 18/06/2026 08:29

Walesss7 · 18/06/2026 00:17

I said that. He won’t bin them until he tries to wash them as they are his best armani boxers he paid a lot of money for.

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Well they certainly won't be his lucky pants now! I don't think I'd ever be able to look at them without thinking "you shit these pants" 🤮

Backedoffhackedoff · 18/06/2026 08:28

DogsandFlowers · 18/06/2026 00:38

*they’re
I feel sorry for you then, sounds chavvy and utterly vile

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Chavvy is a pretty offensive word

Backedoffhackedoff · 18/06/2026 08:27

GreatPlumBiscuit · 17/06/2026 23:56

You think it's funny when one of your family members gets pissed and shits themselves.

Wow.

Oh and it's they're.

Edited
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To be fair, I read this and thought the same sharted right next to mean sounds quite innocuous- personally I would be disgusted enough to have lead with the shitting the bed angle 😂

Besidemyselfwithworry · 18/06/2026 08:25

Newname29 · 17/06/2026 23:55

That is so disgusting

I agree
I couldn’t be with someone like that it’s revolting

ERthree · 18/06/2026 08:22

lordbaddingham · 18/06/2026 00:08

Goodness. How did he drink enough to get in that state in such a short time. It can't have been just pints.

If he was on a strong cider he could very well have gotten into such a state on it. My DH used to drink on average 12 pints of lager a day every day. If you had met him you wouldn't even think he had a drink at all. Four pints of strong cider and he was on his arse.

6ate9 · 18/06/2026 08:18

biggestcatmom · 17/06/2026 23:53

That’s fucking disgusting 🤮

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Totally agree!!! I couldn’t live with someone like that!!!

DontBuyAnotherBook · 18/06/2026 08:16

Theraininspainishere · 18/06/2026 00:08

My DH watched the football quietly on the sofa with a cup of tea. He has some annoying habits, but he has never drunk to excess to this extent and I would never have married him if he had.

Same. We had cups of tea watching it. He might have the occasional gin but not massive amounts of beer.

MrsVBS · 18/06/2026 08:09

AutisticLass2026 · 17/06/2026 23:46

So do many of the men in my family, it's a one off so nobody cares our end lol...there enjoying themselves

I’m hoping you don’t know the meaning of shart or didn’t read this properly otherwise the men in your family are gross.

MajorSamanthaCarter · 18/06/2026 08:00

AutisticLass2026 · 17/06/2026 23:46

So do many of the men in my family, it's a one off so nobody cares our end lol...there enjoying themselves

If your definition of enjoyment is doing a wet fart you might need to get out more.

MrsShawnHatosy · 18/06/2026 07:51

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 18/06/2026 07:49

Men, alcohol and bloody football - an unholy trinity if ever there was one

Yes - it’s a fact that domestic abuse increases during football tournaments.

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/06/2026 07:49

AutisticLass2026 · 17/06/2026 23:46

So do many of the men in my family, it's a one off so nobody cares our end lol...there enjoying themselves

Christ: how can you use “enjoying yourself” and “soiling yourself from too much alcohol” in the same sentence?

The things women tolerate in the name of holding on to suboptimal men never cease to astound me.

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 18/06/2026 07:49

Men, alcohol and bloody football - an unholy trinity if ever there was one

MrsShawnHatosy · 18/06/2026 07:46

AutisticLass2026 · 17/06/2026 23:46

So do many of the men in my family, it's a one off so nobody cares our end lol...there enjoying themselves

I really hope you don’t have sons growing up thinking this is normal behaviour.

Pigeonatthewheel · 18/06/2026 07:44

AutisticLass2026 · 17/06/2026 23:46

So do many of the men in my family, it's a one off so nobody cares our end lol...there enjoying themselves

Runs in the family, they certainly have!

OP - thoughts and prayers for the Armani pants, hope they pull through after the hot wash

WhereverIlaymycatthatsmyhome · 18/06/2026 07:42

@AutisticLass2026 that really isn’t normal.

OP, have you ever wondered if DH has an alcohol problem?

Munchie1965 · 18/06/2026 07:20

I have been very drunk on many occasions in my life but I have never "sharted".

Urgentbiscuitrequired · 18/06/2026 06:59

I think the best line of attack is not nagging and shaming him, but taking the piss out of him through the tournament. Every time England score and he gets excited say "careful, don't shit yourself with joy!"

GimmieABreakOr3 · 18/06/2026 06:50

How do you know he shat himself?

Thepossibility · 18/06/2026 06:46

AutisticLass2026 · 17/06/2026 23:46

So do many of the men in my family, it's a one off so nobody cares our end lol...there enjoying themselves

Many men in your family drink to the point of shitting themselves? I'm pretty laid back but that's shocking.

JoshLymanSwagger · 18/06/2026 06:24

Walesss7 · 18/06/2026 00:17

I said that. He won’t bin them until he tries to wash them as they are his best armani boxers he paid a lot of money for.

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They're not his "lucky" pair then?

Either way, they'd mysteriously find their way into the bin before they'd go in a washing machine that my undies get washed in.

HelpMeGetThrough · 18/06/2026 04:41

StrawberrySundaes · 18/06/2026 01:21

Unpopular opinion but the red flags say he has an alcohol problem.

Agreed.

He”s a light weight, 6 pints and gets in that state? Should have just been warming up!!

rwalker · 18/06/2026 04:05

I think there’s a difference between shitting yourself and being genuinely caught out by a fart

Todayismyfavouriteday · 18/06/2026 03:23

I really don't know why some women put up with certain things. I would be gone (or he would be kicked out) early the next morning. No excuse for this kind of behaviour. It surfaces that women have been brainwashed for centuries (boys will be boys, soccer and drinks go together, etc etc)

MrMucker · 18/06/2026 01:56

suki1964 · 18/06/2026 00:32

Cider is a killer, its much more potent then beer/lager and when it gets hold of you, causes arsenic poisoning, which shows itself as a kind of Alzheimers, its the apple seeds

Which is why its the street drinkers drink of choice - gets them totally bladdered for very little money , and why they become so abusive whilst under the influence

Dont get me wrong, I used to love the stuff. Still do but it has to be a very very hot day for me to have one, and it is only the one - maybe two max

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Don't be silly.
The arsenic levels in cider are lower than in rice.
Stop making stuff up.
Apple pips contain arsenic to be sure, but then so do fifty million other ingestibles, in trace amounts.
If cider gets you dangerously pissed it's because it is alcoholic and easy to drink fast as it is intrinsically more palatable than beer, being sweeter.