Aibu to suggest alternative books to 12 year old DD when she asks to read something I believe is unsuitable for her age?

Oh absolutely. I got to the point I was fed up of all the banging after a while and just wanted them to crack on with the actual plot 😂

But back to the question at hand. Is the above sex scene from the ACOTAR series probably suitable for kids? No. Probably not. But each to their own options.

Some of the best discussions about books I have with my 12 year old are started by her, frustrated about the lack of good female main characters and the use of sexist stereotypes in books, lazy writing etc. She tore apart (metaphorically of course) at least one series. She's ruthless, and I've no clue where she got this from 😁

Definitely the series gets more sexually explicit as it goes on, with the scene quoted above from the most recent being pretty much the peak of how explicit and porny the sex is.

In many ways the most recent ACOTAR book was my favourite of them all, but it was more despite the sex scenes than because of them. I was rolling my eyes sometimes at scenes like the one quoted above, it got a bit OTT.

I recall DD reading Flowers in the Attic at about that age and remarking that it was unsuitable. She also read Atonement at about that age. And, I recall, 50 Shades of Gray which she persevered with for a chapter and gave up due to the poor grammar and syntax. It didn't do any harm and she's an English teacher now.

I think something a bit raunchy or explpring difficult topocs is fine if DC have stable, loving backgrounds and know about consent and boundaries.

Young people's literature is varied and great today and there should be plenty of options that aren't childish, tiresome or inappropriate.

True. But it's less explicit than ACOTAR and Crescent City for the most part from memory 🫠

The sex in the Throne of Glass happens behind closed doors in the first three or four books. After that it’s very much not behind closed doors.

ACOTAR itself is pretty tame but some of the later books in the series are quite explicit.

Here is a section from one of the later ones. There are quite a few sections like this throughout,

’Cassian’s fingers dug into her hips so hard Nesta knew she’d bruise, loved that she’d bruise. He shifted his stance, and his cock plunged even deeper, rubbing against that spot, and the sounds that came from her weren’t human or Fae, but something far more primal.
“Fuck, yes,” he snarled at her abandon. “That’s it, Nesta.”
He accentuated each word with a savage thrust. “Do I feel good to you?”
She whimpered her confirmation, then managed to say, “I like it when you ride me hard. Every time I move and my body is sore …” She had to fight for words. For control. “I think of you. Of your cock.”
“Good. I want my cock to be the only thing you think about.”
His pace faltered as he licked up the column of her neck. She could hear the taunting smile in his words as he whispered,
“Because your pretty little cunt is the only thing I think about.”
At the words, his foul language, her toes curled. But she wouldn’t let him win this one, not when this had somehow become a competition for who could make the other come first, so she whispered, “I love being so covered in your seed that it leaks out of me for ages afterward. I love feeling it slide down my thighs and knowing you left your mark in me.”

Throne of Glass is far less explicit.

Let her read whatever the hell she wants. Please please encourage this! At 10/11 I had read Angela’s Ashes, Misery, We Need to Talk About Kevin, Katie Price’s autobiography… I was hungry for literature and those were the books knocking around the house. By 14 I was reading Kerouac and Ginsberg. I’m now an American Lit lecturer.

Please don’t hold the girl back.

At that age I was getting my ideas on sex from my granny's tatty copy of A Woman of Substance. And the inevitable copy of Forever that we all secretly passed around. I don't think it did me any harm. The sense that reading was the gateway to secret exciting adult knowledge was a big part of what kept me doing it. (So glad I grew up without the internet). I read everything, was always doing great at school, and nobody in the family took any notice at all - the attitude was just "reading is good and she's doing it, thumbs up". I'm racking my brains for anything I read back then that disturbed or traumatised me in any way and drawing a blank. Whereas I still clearly remember seeing a film with a few sex scenes too young and being disturbed (the sex looked violent to me. Don't think it was, but I was just too young to get it). I'd be much more worried about what they see online, these days. Encourage any time spent with books and not screens.

(Free rein, btw. The metaphor being controlling - or not - horses, with the reins).

Yes to this!

There's a fork in the road in YA fiction. One fork leads to bodice rippers. I'd steer her clear of Maas altogether.

Her female characters are simpering eejits under the 'strong, independent female' facade, and her male characters are territorial and possessive.

If you're a feminist, and you care about the impact of that sort of codswallop on an impressionable mind, find her something better.

I'm SO glad my parents weren't the book police when I was young and could read what I liked.
YABU

I guess it depends whether it's the graphic sex or the theme that worries people.

FitA as you say was fairly mild on the sex front. But equally the sex was between a teenage brother and sister locked up by their mother to die in an attic. I vaguely remember the start of the sequel (or maybe another VA book) with an inappropriate relationship with a much older man in a position of authority.

I’m an avid reader and have been from the time that I learnt to read. I became an English teacher and love reading and always have, it’s my favourite activity. Most of my childhood reading was of library books, and at our library you got your adult ticket at 10 and all bets were off, the world was your oyster.

I read EVERYTHING including books like Lolita and The Tropic of Cancer and then things like Bridget Jones and To Kill a Mockingbird aged 10/11/12. I memorably read a book about JFK’s assassination at the same age and it had very graphic photos in the middle (I bloody loved that). Nobody tried to stop me because it was accepted that I had an adult reading age now, so would read adult books.

It did me no harm at all; if I didn’t understand it, it went over my head and that was fine. Some books I read then and later picked up again as an adult and thought “oh yeah, so that’s what that means”.

I would let your daughter read whatever she wants.

I somehow got my hands on the Anita Blake series as a 12 year old and read the whole thing (well up to book 10ish which was all that was published at the time).

I think it's better to let he read what she wants freely as then she will be more likely to come to you with any concerns or questions she has. If she ends up reading something similar to a "banned" book she is more likely to keep it secret. If she ends up googling questions instead she may end up getting that information from more harmful places.

I was reading Lace and Jackie Collins 🫠

I promise you, ACOTAR is porn compared to FitA. The theme is a lot less dark, but it is incredibly explicit in it's descriptions. Like, really

I'm no prude, I loved ACOTAR. But a 12 year old reading very graphic depictions of what they are touching, licking and (yes) using shadows to stimulate? No. Probably not right. The themes themselves aren't so terrible....it's just very, very detailed.

I feel the start of secondary school is the right time to start uncensoring reading material. As others have said, the books are probably freely available in the school library and have already been quoted in class. And, like many others, I was reading Flowers in the Attic from the school library in year 7. I've not read ACOTAR, but it can't be much worse than Victoria Andrews. Some of the GCSE texts handle quite dark/sexual material and she'll be moving on to them soon.

I have no kids. I read Jilly Cooper waaaaaay before I should have. I still would never actively give anyone under the age of 15 ACOTAR. It makes JC look like Enid Blyton.

Also, anything that looks like a sweet college hockey romance or a cutesy romance with a cow boy....stay well clear 😂

Good luck 🍀

I read anything and everything and had older sisters so at 12 I was another one who was reading Flowers in the Attic , jilly cooper , Jackie Collins and I’m pretty sure I can’t have been much older than 12 when I read Princess Daisy , which certainly wasn’t age appropriate

I was reading much more grownup books at that age and it never did me any harm. In fact, if I’d been forced to read more “age-appropriate” stuff I would probably given up reading completely because they just didn’t do anything for me.

i haven’t read ACOTAR so can’t comment on that but I always like recommending books, so if you did want to suggest alternatives,…
Sorcery of Thorns is a fun YA fantasy adventure with a romance but definitely not ‘romantasy’, Also Vespertine.
The Old Kingdom Trilogy by Garth Nix
The Alanna books by Tamora Pierce - the first one is basically a children’s book but they become a bit more YA.
Frances Hardinge Is a great fantasy writer - her books are ‘for children’ but stand up to reading as an adult.
Out of adult fantasy writers, Naomi Novik is one of my favourites and she writes in at least three very different fantasy genres.

One way to approach it with her, as well.as offering alternatives, might be to suggest she will enjoy them more if she eaits until she is older to read them.

I loved Jilly Cooper at 11. I borrowed them from the school library whilst I was in year 7. I remember feeling nervous when I went to check my first one out, I thought the librarian would stop me!

And I read far worse at that age. I remember getting a book from the charity shop about some young girl being groomed and then pimped out by her older boyfriend. It went into a lot of detail about not only the sex but also the violence.

I wouldn't stop my child from reading any book. I think its an age where they are bound to be curious. And it could be a good way of starting conversations about consent etc.