Aibu to suggest alternative books to 12 year old DD when she asks to read something I believe is unsuitable for her age?

Acotar is very graphic - absolutely not for a 12 year old!!

Aelin
Celaena
Manon
Maeve

All quite strong?

I used to like the Anita Blake books, but they also went down the route of I have no idea what to do with my characters so I'll just write more sex scenes

• stoppped reading them

@Iarthar , am I?

Oh come on! the later books (and crescent city) are not far off 50 Shades of Grey!

There is sex in the first one as well, but not as much.

Throne of Glass has less and is much better *(in my view) and has some good strong female characters (Manon!!)

I think you may be confusing me with another poster.

I never censored DD'a reading in practice, though there are a few things that if she had asked to read I might have said no (American Psycho? Most disturbing book I have ever read - made me feel quite shaken for a long time afterwards, and I am generally pretty resilient about things like that).

One thing I noticed that I wanted to respond to was that you said she is used to sitting out of conversations at school. So was I. And I never let on to my mom how much it hurt me. But oh my God, it did. I found the social exclusion I experienced, due to not being allowed to do the same stuff as my peers, breathtakingly awful. And I vowed never to put my daughter in the same position.

I am just saying be careful, as it is very clear you love your child and want the best for jee. f you protect her too much, you risk exposing her to other dangers, such as the bullying and mockery of her peers, which can pose a real and present threat, believe you me!

@Iarthar , A Clockwork Orange was written by Anthony Burgess not Martin Amis.

Haha, I was just thinking this. Fourth Wing has as much, if not more, explicit sex as ACOTAR.

I read some shocking stuff at that age, Let's Go Play at The Adams is seared into my memory decades later. Also a lot of dodgy occult stuff, Denis Wheatley and suchlike. Also the usual suspects Jackie Collins and the Flowers in the Attic series.
I've never sensored the kids reading and they seem to have survived.

Sorry I don't have any book recommendations for you (though it sounds like you've got plenty to be going on with! 😁), but if you open Common Sense Media in an incognito page, you can continue to use the site without the paywall coming up! 👍

Another flowers in the attic girl here. And clan of the cave bear. And Stephen King and James Herbert and mizz. Did me no harm whatsoever. I actually credit Jean M Auel with giving me the confidence mot to settle for mediocre sex from the age of 16.

My only issue with acotar is that they're just a bit....shit. but that's up to her.

Too late to edit my post above but I see you were asking about non-fantasy teen relationship books! But I think books can show realistic relationships in a fantasy world - and obviously the reverse is also true.

Already mentioned by me and others but Tamora Pierce Song of the Lioness quartet. The heroine who we first see aged, I think 11 or 12 in the first book, Alanna: The First Adventure, grows to adulthood over the series and has sexual relationships with three boys/men over the series (no detail at all, but it's made clear that they are having sex). She ends up with one of them at the end, and it is very cute and romantic. But the other two it just becomes clear that they aren't right for each other. Both relationships break up but end up with mutual respect, and there's a very clear message that someone can be the right person for you at the time, but maybe not for ever and that's ok. So five stars from me for wholesome messaging! In the meanwhile she trains as a knight disguised as a boy and there's magic and fighting and big bad villains etc...

You wouldn't let a child witness/watch porn the same way you shouldn't let her read these books. I am a massive fan of these books and also have a 12yr old daughter. I'd say they are a bit too old for her.

You have GOT to get her into Terry Pratchett. One of the best writers of the late 20th century, very readable from tween to adult, clean, extremely funny.

Witches Abroad would be a good start.

In terms of your original question - eh. I get why you wouldn’t want her reading ACOTAR, but I was reading Jilly Cooper by her age. I think my mother gave me the books in lieu of having to actually educate me about sex.

I would suggest A Little Love Song by Michelle Mangorian though it hasn't got much in common with Forever. It's historical fiction that contrasts a girl losing her virginity in a toxic relationship with her second relationship that is healthy. Direct but not explicit sex scenes.
I Capture the Castle might be good at her age. No sex at all but adult topics and romantic tension (and it's actual literature at least).
Perhaps also some Terry Pratchett so she doesn't think you've got sex on the brain.

The ones I recommended - Midnight's Twins - are about teenage relationships = friendships and then a blossoming romance. Might suit. Author is a Sunday Times best-selling fantasy writer.

Not to mention fantasy and friendship to advanced sex!

One of the things about Forever which has been mentioned is that though it was explicit, it was about a young equal couple experimenting and learning and with a lot of respect and care for each other. Healthy emotions when you are learning about relationships - it was a text book written as a novel!

While sex with violence, coercion, lots of fantasy uses the alpha submissive trope, which is fine for someone who has already started out on their sexual journey, but shouldn't be the starting point for learning. Exposure to healthy, equal relationships should come first.

My friends brother is called Ralph and to this day when I hear his name I have to suppress a smirk. IYKYK.

Also can't believe how many of us read Flowers in the Attic in our pre/early teens. Always thought I was in the minor with that.

As someone who’s a fan of Sarah J Maas & similar authors I think it’s definitely important to pay attention to what a 12 year old is reading. ACOTAR is fairly tame compared to some similar authors in the genre. And the covers don’t often reflect what’s inside.

You could offer more age appropriate alternatives but I think talking to DD is the key not just imposing a ban outright.

If she’s insistent, you could say that she can read it but she has to read it aloud to you…guarantee she won’t want that 🤣 cringe worthy